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#706976 10/27/01 12:18 AM
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hey lady...<p>i just saw your answer to my post on bigk's thread. my post was just a tad bit harsh. i am so sorry... that was something mike dealt with me on. he helped me to say things a little softer. i don't like to sugar coat and therefore, i am just a little too hard. i'm working on a good middle ground...<p>i am really a soft, compassionate person, but i have a strong, adamant opinion. i think most people call it opinionated... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] or maybe a**hole... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>ne way, it was just my opinion and nothing against you. i pray that you didn't take it personal and that i didn't turn you off to me. i really need this forum and have only gotten really close to mike and jacky... and you know mike is not lurking here anymore.. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>i have appreciated your words of encouragement and the joy you share. if i need to ask for forgiveness, please forgive me...<p>sincerely...<p>kim...

#706977 10/27/01 12:57 AM
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Kim,<p>It's okay..All's forgiven..<p>I'm very opinionated..myself when it
'appears' that it may be a control issue..<p>And I, like yourself, having been in many
abusive relationships..and not feeling
like I had a 'voice' or a 'say so' in
anything.. want to make sure I get
heard..I want to be Assertive
(state my opinion) yet not be aggressive..
(force my opinion)-something I am still
learning how to do..<p>And in reading his post..attacking her for
not doing this and that..it triggered in me
things I felt..(as some say..not living in reality, but living in the emotion triggered)<p>ie: Has she asked him for help in the past..and
did he ignore her request for support/help--
(I had asked for support/help, wasn't heard, was ignored)<p>So I was trying to ask him (not attack him)..if this was the case..because he hadn't said..just that it's been like this for x many years..<p>But, yes, apology accepted..please accept mine as
well, as I wasn't meaning to offend anyone either..was just trying to get them to look at
how she may percieve things..<p>Bobbi

#706978 10/26/01 01:10 PM
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Bobbi...<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by ThornedRose:
<strong>Kim,<p>It's okay..All's forgiven..<p>I'm very opinionated..myself when it
'appears' that it may be a control issue..<p>And I, like yourself, having been in many
abusive relationships..and not feeling
like I had a 'voice' or a 'say so' in
anything.. want to make sure I get
heard..
Bobbi</strong><hr></blockquote><p>you hit it right here... i guess we all react with regard to our own issues.<p>i think it would be a great idea to have a place where we could put all of the abusive men (something like hell)... their mouths would be permanently glued shut and they would have to listen to our opinions for all of eternity... wow, i like it. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>i think i might need some counseling myself...
[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
God Bless...<p>Love Kim...

#706979 10/26/01 02:45 PM
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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
i think it would be a great idea to have a place where we could put all of the abusive men (something like hell)... their mouths would be permanently glued shut and they would have to listen to our opinions for all of eternity... wow, i like it. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>i think i might need some counseling myself...
<hr></blockquote><p>HAHAHAHA...<p>Although, I don't know if that would be good enough for some of them..because they still would "hear" what was being said..they would need to live it..to fully understand..<p>Not sure what type/types of abuse you have been through..But I have some excellent books that helped me during my healing..and also through counseling which helped..just having someone there
to share these things with and help you figure out
how to change..which is why I am still in a support group now..<p>They are a safe group in which I can learn to express myself and none of them get angry and
yell and scream and blame me for how they feel
inside..and we all learn how to communicate on a new level..<p>the women's shelters offer counseling for free, or at minimal cost..and I have found a few churches in my area that have support groups that only cost for the price of whatever book/workbook they may use..<p>But, if you feel counseling will help .then go..not for anyone else but yourself..

#706980 10/26/01 04:05 PM
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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by ThornedRose:
<strong>
Although, I don't know if that would be good enough for some of them..because they still would "hear" what was being said..they would need to live it..to fully understand..
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
okay for those special guys, we can give them a extra special level of (hell) where they would have to live the life they forced others to live... what do ya think... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>i have experienced all kinds of abuse. i was never molested, but have been raped by a stranger. i think it was better on the standpoint of recovery that it was somebody that i would never run the risk of seeing again. <p>my husband physically, verbally and emotionaly abused me for more than 16 years. he is a total controlaholic (is that a word? :eek [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] he still trys to inflict his control at times and try to regulate, but he pretty much has given up all rights to regulate when he insisted on a divorce... oh well his bad... i'm sure he would be in the line to a**hole island if there were such a place...<p>uh oh, did i just name it??? [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ October 26, 2001: Message edited by: idostylin ]</p>

#706981 10/26/01 10:07 PM
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Kim,<p>Nah..I think God has that one covered
for all of them..more pain than I could
ever wish uppon them...their conscience
and yes, one day they will fully understand...<p>
Okay..as for some books..<p>The Inner Child Workbook -Carolyn Taylor
(haven't used it but is recommended by
my support group)<p>Healing the Trauma of Abuse - A Woman's Workbook
Mary Ellen Copeland <p>Life after Trauma- A workbook for healing - Dena Rosenbloom and Mary Beth Williams <p>Ten Days to Self-Esteem - David Burns<p>The Self-Esteem Workbook - Glenn Schiraldi<p>The Assertiveness Workbook - Randy Paterson<p>Healing For Damaged Emotions - David Seamands<p>Toxic Parents- Susan Forward
(I say this one because we tend to marry
what we understand to be love, and we learn
that from our parents)<p>The Wounded Heart is geared more towards
Sexual abuse, But, personally I think it
is for anyone who has been abused as far
as the damage abuse causes..<p>Hope these help...


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