For any of you that have followed some of my posts, you know that I am in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship.<p>I live with the constant threat of my H leaving whenever there is conflict.<p>I also live with control issues "me having none him having all"<p>Anyways, I met with my sister yesterday and she gave me rather a large check with is partial settlement of my Mom's estate.<p>It is not 100's of thousands of $'s by any means but is a nice chunk of change.<p>Husband is coming home from his Grandmothers funeral in Hawaii today and I am really thinking of not telling him I have this money. That way if he does leave me I am not left penniless. <p>Yet that seems to go against all the MB principals of Complete Honesty.<p>HELP.......<p>-Kat-

Sticky question!<p>Do you not have an account in your own name? I think if you are thinking he will leave you, maybe it is time you did have one, and put the money in there as an emergency fund. <p>Yes, I suppose not telling him is against MB's Rule of Total Honesty, and I can see that if you kept the knowledge from him, it would not sit well with you. <p>Geez, this is a tough one! I just don't know how to answer you! I think you will have to go with your gut, and do what YOU think is the best thing.

Emergency fund.<p>When I left, I had to do it with no car, no money, no job ... thankfully I had family who took me in and drove me around and helped get me into an apartment and paid for a lot of stuff, AND I got a free attorney through Legal Aid because of the domestic violence. I got so much unexpected help in fact that it really did a lot to convince me that I was doing the right thing and my desire to divorce was okay with God ... the day I left was a REAL "leap of faith" and He caught me by providing everything I needed.<p>Emergency fund.

I think my biggest problem is I am really lousy at keeping secrets.<p>I would almost have to put it in a CD that was uncashable. Then tell him......OH I got this money and set it aside for a down payment on a house...and let him know what I did with it.<p>I am afraid that if I just put it in an open account that I will end up telling him about it and then it will all be gone.<p>-Kat-

Hey -Kat-,<p>I thought I was thinking correctly.<p>Check out this link:<p>http://www.divorcenet.com/il/ilart-04.html<p>Check with a lawyer in your state, but I think your spouse has absolutely no legal right to your inheritance, provided that you do not mix the money with your joint assets.<p>Open an account only under your name and put the money there; given the current nature of your relationship.<p>Telling your spouse that you have the money is your decision. I do not know enough about your situation to advise.<p>If you put the money into an account of your own and you told your husband about it, he still can't get to it without you letting him.<p>Since you say that you are in an abusive relationship, I'd sock that money away in the account and wait.<p>Kevin

-Kat-<p>On another thought, sock the money away and don't tell him about it.<p>If he knows about it, he may be furious that he can't get it and that will cause problems.<p>Kevin

-Kat-<p>After I posted that reply, I was about to hit Edit and add something about putting it in a CD (great minds think alike *g*)... if you need it, you can cash out early (with a penalty, but shop around) but if you don't need it (and here's hoping you don't), it's making a nice dividend.<p>Take care.

Ok, I guess my biggest issue here is.<p>I am working on a kind of Plan A with him and he is getting a little better in the LB department and so am I.<p>So I hide this money.<p>Things work out with us.....and I tell him later.<p>What is that going to do to all the progress that we made in the mean time?<p>Am I going to end up doing more damage then good?<p>ahhhhhhhhhhhh I hate being indecisive.<p>-Kat-

Right or wrong, this is the way I see it:<p>&#8226; Marital funds, joint decision.<p>&#8226; Personal funds, personal decision.<p>Self-preservation, baby.<p>If things work out, you have money for a second honeymoon. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

You need to protect yourself finacually, for many reasons, You should have your own account even if you didn't get this money, perhaps you could let your sister hold on to it if you trust her ot someone else you can trust, you can tell him about it and take a stand it is yours and you are keeping it seperate. If you were to put it in a joint account and he left and took money the court would veiw it as marital property and say that he was intitled to it and there wouldn't be much you could do to get it back, I was foolish enough to trust exw and have joint account, the day she left the savings went with her and I didn't get a penny back, the lawyer said you should have got it before she did, oh well, protect yourself here

Gee, jabber, why didn't I think of that!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sorry couldn't resist...I could NEVER in my whole life do that. But then I'm an honest gal [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>I WAS actually going to suggest that you give the money to someone or put it in trust inder your name, too, but I thought it might be against this Honesty thing here at MB.

Hi Kat,<p>Well, I've been involved in the settlement of more estates recently than I ever thought I would in one lifetime.<p>When your sister gave you that check, it was payable to you and to you alone. You don't need your husband's permission regardless of what you decide to do with it, he has absolutely no right to it at all. If he had any right, the check would have been made payable to him too.<p>If you want, I can look up the historical basis for you, chapter and verse in the Bible. Basically, the law of intestate succession for someone who dies without a will, is one that just doesn't include relatives by marriage, only relatives by blood according to rules of succession. That can be changed by the person who owns the estate, by simply making a will. Through the use of a will, one can leave money to anyone or any organization one choses.<p>Choose to tell him or not, it is your money. The only way it becomes his is if you decide to give it to him. With the duress you are under, I doubt that it is possible for you to make a legally binding gift to your husband, because a true legal gift must be freely given, without any pressure, duress, undue influence, fear, fraud, trickery or deception.<p>For now, put in into an account in your name. Suggest you spend a few dollars on a book called the Family Legal Adviser. It is no substitute for a lawyer, but it is in plain english and will give you a good general idea of what your rights are. <p>Putting your money in your account isn't a love buster. There is nothing dishonest about keeping the information to yourself if you choose to do so. Why subject yourself to any more potential abuse over the money? One does not load one's fortune on a ship that is in danger of sinking. The best you can hope for then is to lose your husband and money too. So, I recommend you opt for a combination of privacy, honesty, and prudence. <p>There does come a time in life when you have to think of yourself first. I hope you can save your marriage. But if you can't, you're in a lot stronger position if he is trying to get the money from you than you would be trying to get it back from him. Possession is still 9/10ths of the law. <p>And hanging on to your money for your natural life is a real good idea, the kids always treat you a lot better while you still hang on to the purse strings.

Inherited money or property is "separate" as opposed to community, unless you do something that takes away its "separateness," such as deposit it into an account with his name on it. Put that money in your own name in your own account!!! If you don't want the statement coming to your house, get a po box.

Kat,<p>The money is YOURS! You have been told correctly, an inheritance is yours alone, not community property, so set it in a CD or account with you alone on the name.<p>I have recently found out my stbx has been stashing money into different things thinking I would never find it. He also kept wishing his mother would die so he could inherit that money. yeah, sick guy. I had been told by other friends that I should have been putting away some money every month, they saw what my stbx was and knew it was only time before he would up and split and they wanted me to have some protection. Guess what? I chose to trust my emotionally abusive husband and so now I have nothing but bigger bills. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Do what is right for YOU! Make yourself safe in this, put it away in your name only and give it a month or two. Then if things are working out better for you, maybe you can bring it up. I just know in my experience that my STBX was only interested in MONEY... if he thought I was due to inherit any money, he would have stuck it out a little longer. I seriously think he only stayed as long as he did cause he was waiting for his mother to die and leave him something, then he would have a nice nest egg and I probably would have had no chance at attempting to try and keep my house. His mom is still hanging on there, even after stbx told her her life would be easier if she just swallowed a bunch of pills.<p>{{{Kat}}} Please take care of yourself first!<p>Lori

Generally, its true that money received as an inheritance is not considered joint property. But exactly how those assets are treated during divorce depends on state law. In Massachusetts, for example, you can comingle assets in joint accounts and "trace back" the inheritance during a divorce. Other states, such as Wisconsin, treat the assets as joint property the moment they are comingled.<p>There is something else to consider. Some states treat the earnings from an inheritance as personal property (e.g., Texas). However, other states do not. Massachusetts regards *all* earnings on an inheritance to be joint property, regardless of whether the assets were held in individual or joint account. So depending on where you live, your H may very well have an enforceable right to 1/2 of the interest earned on that asset if you divorce. If you do keep the money separate, I strongly suggest you keep very good records, because if you don't, he will allege that you are intentionally underreporting assets (and it could look bad in court).<p>Bystander

I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE that had input here. <p>After reading everything I decided, (and my honesty might bite me in the butt on this) to tell him.<p>What I did was show him the check and tell him I was going to deposit a couple of thousand in the checking account....Which has only my daughter and myself on it...to pay off some debts. Then I was going to put $10,000.00 in a CD to save for a down payment on a house. <p>He thought this was a good idea. He doens't have his name on any of the checking accounts and he hands me his pay check at the end of the week. So I decided to trust him on this, and I am glad that I was honest.<p>One of my biggest issues is he doesn't tell me things in a timely manner, I guess I didn't want it to come back and haunt me that I had done what I accuse him of doing.<p>Thank you again, one and all.<p>OH and the only names that will be on the CD will be my daughter and myself.<p>-Kat-

Kat keep the money to yourself and for yourself. You may or may not need this in the future. But it's better to be prepared than not at all. <p>Hugs - Hope

Oops - didn't see the 2nd page with your decision on it. I think you made a good choice on what you did. Just remember though - this money is yours not his. <p>Hugs - Hope