I didn't want to take over Anna's thread with my response, so I started a new one.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by honey:
<strong>Hi, For what it is worth with a 12 yr. old, maybe if your H is the one filing and wanting a divorce you should say that you did not break your promise and it is wrong for the H to break his promise to you. I believe it is, and that I would add. I believe divorce is wrong, especially with children. If you are not the one wanting the divorce be clear with your son on that note. good luck!</strong><hr></blockquote><p>It can be extremely hard at times, especially if the other parent has betrayed you with an affair or abuse, but it is very important that you do not ever put your child in a position where he feels he has to judge the other parent.<p>I am going through Parental Alienation with my XH and XMIL. It was extremely bad at times during the separation, especially at the beginning. I think my XH assumed I would be saying nasty things about him to the kids, as my mother said a lot of negative things about my father when they divorced. They were told that I stole things, that the divorce was my idea and my fault, and they were used to keep tabs on me and report back on where I went and who I was with and what we did.<p>The kids were with my mother a few days ago, and my mom pointed out to the kids the church that we had gotten married in. My older child (6) piped up, "Yeah, that was when they liked each other. They don't like each other now. Well, daddy doesn't like mommy." That statement makes me proud and I'll tell you why. Even through the huge amounts of anger and hostility during our divorce proceedings, I never told the kids I didn't like daddy. Even when they brought up "it wasn't nice of daddy to hit you", "it wasn't nice of daddy to yell at you" ... I did agree with them that no, it was not nice, but I also told them that I love him and I hope he gets help so he can be happy. I explained that we both love them, but we could be better parents separate than when we were together. It is still hard for them, but they finally get to see me happy ... and not abused.<p>Do a forum search on "parental alienation" and you might come up with some other information. Eventually my children will figure out that what my XH and XMIL did was wrong, and have to come to their own judgement about that.

Buttercup,<p>I couldn't agree with you more.<p>I have 3 children, but my boys have been the ones to hear how Mom wanted the divorce. And the justifications on.....If you want something ask your mother "I pay child support so have no money" <p>Or "If your mother hadn't dragged me into the court system I wouldn't have had to cash out your college accounts" And " I don't feel I have to pay you back since I pay Child support" Get it from your MOM.<p>Lot of bitterness from him. I keep telling my boys. All of you children were planned babies and I loved your father Very much when you were concieved. You were all created in that love.<p>They are now D 21 (almost 22),S 20, S 17, It is sad but they will have nothing to do with thier Dad, But I do feel he brought it on himself.<p>-Kat-