Author Topic: wife moved out
azripley
Junior Member
Member # 13468
posted October 20, 2001 03:13 PM <p>My wife move out about 2 weeks ago. She never really gave me a reason why, she just said you will never change and I can't do this anymore. I know that I was mean to her as she was moving out. The reason I was mean to her was that I wanted to hurt her because she was hurting me by leaving and not trying to work things out. She has moved in with an old boyfriend they are good friends now. I have gone to counseling to try and find out what it is that I'm doing wrong this is my third marriage and I wanted it to be my last one and last forever. I asked her to come to counseling with me but she just said that she wasn't going to do anything until the dust settles. I love this woman with all my heart. She has a daughter (10) from a previous marriage that I care about also she won't let me call and talk to her and she says that she doesn't want me in her life anymore and I find that hard to take also. Does anyone have any ideas on how to get her to go to counseling?
Kat-
Member
Member # 13128
posted October 21, 2001 07:49 PM <p>Az,
There is really no way to get her to go. That is a personal choice.<p>Have you read the concepts here at MB or purchased any of the books? <p>All you can do is work on yourself and make what improvements you can, hopin that she wiil see.<p>Is there any possibility that she is having an A with this **friend** of hers?<p>-Kat- <p>azripley
Junior Member
Member # 13468
posted October 27, 2001 02:25 AM
Hey Kat
Thanks for the reply. No I don't think that she is having and A with this guy, pretty sure.<p>We have been talking quite a bit. Her car had broke down and I'm letting her use the suburban until I fix her car. We don't have conversations about us and what is going to happen with our marriage. I think that she hates the fact that I'm going to counseling. She says that she doesn't have to go to counseling because she is happy with her life and that nothing is wrong with it.<p>I tried to talk to her today about us and what was going to happen. She just states that "Do what you have to do." <p>I have done everything for this woman and tonight I asked her why she left me and her reply was that I was a compulsive liar. So I said okay what where some the the things that I lied about.
She got mad and said that she wasn't going to play this game that she was going home. I told her that no matter what I said she was going to believe what she wanted to anyway so it didn't matter what I said I was going to always be a compulsive liar to her. We were in the car when we where talking at one point I asked her to pull over and let me out that I needed to walk. She said no we are almost to the house. At the stop light down the street from the house I undid my seat belt to get ready to exit the car. She thought that I did it to get out of the car at the light which wasn't the reason that I did that, but according to her that was the reason I did. so I was lying again. Again I told her that she only sees and hears what she wants to precive.
The rest is a blur I said thing that I shouldn't have. I did say that I was sorry for that as I left the car. Not a good night. Wish I knew what to do. I'm going to counseling and she dosen't take that as that I trying to save our marriage that things can be worked out. I'll shut up now. What books? Does she need to read too?<p>Thanks Kat
Az. <p>
-Kat-
Member
Member # 13128
posted October 27, 2001 07:28 AM <p>Az,

you need to post this on Divoce/Divorcing. there are a lot of people there that have read more input on the books.<p>Of course it would help if your wife read the books too. But right now you need to work on yourself and whatever you can do to make you better.<p>Read all the info on this site...And trust me it will take awhile. Then put some plans into action.<p>I know that there are times I feel that my H lies to me, actually it is the sin of ommission more then anything, but maybe you need to read about the HONESTY policies at MB. ..<p>Anyways......repost your original letter on D/D and see what kind of responses you get.<p>-Kat- <p>
azripley
Junior Member
Member # 13468
posted October 27, 2001 10:19 AM <p>Kat,
Thanks again for the info. I'll post it on the D/D. She is just so angry.<p>Az.<p>[ October 27, 2001: Message edited by: azripley ]</p>

AZ,
glad you posted here, now be patient it can be kind of slow on the weekends.<p>You might want to edit it a little and take out all the unnecessary stuff that you copied...<p>But other then that you did a great job.<p>-Kat- [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

I posted in the other forum but seems you have moved here.<p>Originally posted by azripley:
She has moved in with an old boyfriend they are good friends now<p>No I don't think that she is having and A with this guy, pretty sure
<p>As much as we like to think it can't happen to us, it sure looks like it has happened to you. Perhaps it is not physical but it sure is an emotional attachment. She would rather live with an old boyfriend than her husband?<p>The A/B plans don't apply to our situation.
They apply very much to your situation and you should read and understand them thoroughly.<p>Plan A & B are not strictly for couples in an affair situation.

Well I have something new going on now. My wife and maybe moving in with her daughter who is seeking a divorce from her husband. So I'm wondering if this is really why she left me now because she has someone to go through this with.

I guess I should really begin at the begining. When I met my wife I had alot of money and everything was fine she helped me spend it and buy things for her. To make this short now that the money is gone and we have plenty of bills she is gone.<p>
Az.<p>[ October 28, 2001: Message edited by: azripley ]<p>[ October 28, 2001: Message edited by: azripley ]</p>

Chris,<p> Thanks I'll check them out some more.<p>
Az.

UPDATE,<p> My wfie and I talked yesterday (sunday). I asked her a couple days ago, that it would be a good idea if she moved in to the other room and that way she could save some money and help pay the bills that we owe. At that point and time she said that she could not commit to that so she said no. Anyway she called me sunday and ask me if I had some time for her tonight (sunday). I told her sure. I picked her up and we didn't say a thing for about 45 minutes. Then she said well this didn't work so please take me home. I said that I was waiting for her to start the conversation. Still was quite, so I started the truck to take her home. We got to where she was staying and she wouldn't get out of the truck. then she started to talk wanting to know how much we owed on bills. I told her that I wasn't sure at this time but I would take a guess. We owe a lot of back taxes. She does not want to have to pay them. I told her that she has to at least pay half. She doesn't think that she should have to pay half becuase that was money that I had before we got married. I told her that, that was correct but that she helped me spend that money and that if I hadn't of met her and married her that I would have had the money to pay the taxes and still have some. So anyway she said that she would move in so that we could pay our bills, but she wanted me to sign a paper stating that I relieve her of all responseability of the taxes. I told her no that I wouldn't do that. She said that if she doesn't move in with me and she had to get her own place she would not be able to help with the bills. I told her that when we get divorced that she would have to pay what the court said she has to pay. She said that they can't get blood from a stone. I said no but they can take it out of your check. She said that she would quit her job and go on. What do you think of this conversation advise please.<p> Az.<p>[ October 29, 2001: Message edited by: azripley ]</p>

I often hear that disputes involving money are the leading cause of divorce. On the surface, my own marriage could be described that way. H and I have massive money problems. I used to think it was our biggest problem. Over the last year, I've come to realize that money problems are some of the easiest problems to solve. I think marriages break up due to problems that are less tangible. <p>You've painted a picture that insinuates that your W stayed with you while you had money and left when it was gone. Is she really so shallow? Since you seem interested in having her back, I'll assume that she has more substance than that. You also mentioned how that money was spent. Money was spent on things for her, while tax obligations were neglected. That suggests irresponsibility to me. You've also mentioned being mean and wanting to hurt her when she decided to leave. Are you SURE you have no idea why she left?

lonesomeheart,<p> It was that we spent all the money because we were able to pay some of the taxes. We just didn't have enough to pay all the taxes. It was 10% more than I thought. As far as being mean, what I call mean was not helping her move out, because everytime we talk we fight and I would rather not fight. Thanks for your input if you have anything else to say please do.