Well, I've come to a decision on my part - but first an update. We are continuing counseling - seperately now. Our marriage counselor suggested that we "fix" ourselves before we try to fix our marriage. We both have past issues to deal with. We are both starting our individual counseling this week. The counselor also suggested that we not make any decisions regarding our marriage for a few months until we've both had some counseling. We both agreed to these choices. The only difference was that he is doing this to see if there is anything left between us that is worth trying to save... and me doing this wanting to save this marriage.<p>So here we are - living together but living apart emotionally. I've done a lot of thinking this week. This morning I woke up with a decision. I'm going to do everything I can to improve myself - to make the changes he wants and the changes that I want and need to make. I'm going to get my life together - as painful as that is going to be. But it's going to happen. Then I'm going to see what I want in the future. I've left so many decisions up to him - always doing what he wants. Not anymore. This is my life - no one elses. It's time I stop "whining" and do something about it. And if that future includes my husband - wonderful and if it doesn't - so be it. But no way am I going to feel helpless and totally at fault for everything ever more. Right or wrong - the one thing I've learned is that I can't trust anyone but myself anymore. <p>So am I crazed? being unrealistic? or on track?<p>Hope<p>
married almost 15 years
2 children (4&7)
he asked for D 2 weeks ago
living together and in counseling

Hope,<p>In my opinion, you are right on track.<p>Fix you and let everthing else fall in place.<p>Good luck.<p>-Kat-

you are on track, you have decided to make a concious effort to improve yourself and this is not an easy task but it is realistic, It is a life long process and it reguires making a constant effort, even when you fall back into the old patterns you have to evaluate yourself and try again till the new things become a part of you. Go for it you can do this, I would also suggest some type of self help group.

While your working on yourself, maybe you
can learn to share with him things you are
discussing in counseling..and he can do the same??<p>Share your progress with each other and help each
other emotionally if you can..while you both go
through this process together, you don't have
to do it alone..<p>And it's wonderful that you are both continueing
counseling..and as the others have said..it won't
be easy...but it's a trip worth taking..

Hope,
What you described is exactly what is happening in my marriage. I have been looking for an answer on how to proceed and I think you may have just summed it up with that paragraph as it all makes sense.
I will try and review my thought process and what I am doing and change my attitude to exactly that and I'll let you know what happens.
Thanks,
RC100