Hey Guys<BR>Is anybody out there?? HUH???<BR>I talking to myself here!!!<BR>Angela, Where the heck are you, KID? <BR>ldlb, Ditto<BR>LMS, Are you still at work? did they punish you for being late by keeping you there?<BR>I'm lonely here and will start at any moment to do something drastic like. EAT!!!!!!<BR>My kids are going to get pizza and Since I can't jump my Hubby bones, I'll have to EAT!!!<BR>Now guys I have lost 29 pounds and feel pretty good here. Don't make me blow this! <P>If somebody doesn't save me, The BIG Pizza Gets it!! Well Ok so I'll eat anyway!!<BR>Love you Bye<BR>Molly

Hey all, just a quick note to say hi , its 1:15 am and I just got off work and am beat, just wanted to check in <BR>Molly, take it easy on the pizza now,remember I'm tryin to catch up with you I got another 6 lbs to go to get you. but I'm to sleepy to eat so I'm goin to bed nite nite all.<BR>LMS<P>------------------<BR>maybe someday

Morning all!<BR>How was everyone's weekend? Mine was tolerable. I did go see the new baby, she sure is adorable, but it made me kinda sad. I want to have children SO BAD. But, now I have to face starting all over, trying to find someone worthy of being a father. My H would be such a great father.....so depressing. He says he doesn't even want to because he's getting older (wow, 32!) His mother told me last night that after his first divorce, he was SO depressed about not having children that he almost considered adoption!<BR>Anyway, I am looking forward to my trip to CA! Don't think I disappeared if you don't hear from me for a few days. I don't leave until Wed, though, so I'll be here till then. I am in negotiations w/brother about the computer at home still...<BR>I had NO contact w/H over the weekend. Did dream quite a lot. Dreamt that I called the house and some woman answered and asked who the H*ll I was! I said, His WIFE! I really doubt that he's even looking. He says he has NO FAITH in ANY relationship working ever again. How sad! I am getting more and more convinced that he is the one that needs to seek help.<BR>Talk more later! Need to get some work done!<BR>SMILE EVERYONE!

Boy, did I have a rough afternoon. I am so Ticked OFF right now. Pretty much goes w/out saying that I just had contact w/H. He called to ask if I was ready to sign to waiver, and if I had a $ amount in mind for negotiation. That was the FIRST time since he asked for separation that I totally lost my temper w/him. I called him lots of names, and was sure to remind him that he will NEVER have a meaningful relationship w/anyone. I called him a liar for letting me believe he cared, cuz if he ever did, he would be willing to save this marriage. HURTS SO D*MN BAD SOMETIMES.............<BR>I'm going back to the counselor tonight. Had already made the appt earlier in the day, to discuss the sexual problem.<BR>Will let you know how it turns out. <BR>SOMEBODY, PLEASE SMILE FOR ME, I CAN'T.....

Hey Kid<BR>Sorry it took so long for me to get back here. We had a really bad bunch of T-storms and I had to unplug my computer. We lost power several times and I didn't want to risk damage. It's covered both with surge protection and insurance but the thought of losing my lifeline to people (you guys)even temporarily doesn't appeal at all. <BR>So how did counciling go? Did you go alone or with him?<BR>Kid, I've been thinking alot about you since you told me about the sexual issue. Something just doesn't fit here. Are you missing something?<BR>You say he's 32. This is not a new problem (erection problem). He was married before. Had a mistress? or at least an affair. No children, mother said was depressed about that. Doesn't something seem strange here?<BR>Has he seen a doctor? Not a shrink, a medical doctor? Is he able to have children? I don't mean that to hurt you, but is it possible that he might have some imformation he's not sharing with you? Or maybe he suspects something. <BR>Maybe I'm way off base here.<BR>But he's 32 years old, not 90!!! I think he's scared to know what's wrong. And something is wrong! Was it ever really good (blush) What I mean, to be blunt, you married him at 28, so I'm assuming he is not your first lover. Did it (blush) EVER really get to full erection, did it last to the end? God! I don't beleive I asked that! (nervous giggle)<BR>Doesn't it seem he started pushing you away when he became convinced it was the same with you as with the others? i.e. "I have to be emotionally involved" HORSE-PUCKY! He's running again. And I don't think it has one single thing to do with you or how emotionally involved he is. i.e. You said it happened in the beginning of the relationship too. And it happened with affair. Now that kind of says it all. I would say that there really is no point in having an affair without being emotionally involved. What did he have it for THE SEX!<BR>Affairs, by their very nature are pretty intense whether emotional or sexual. See what I mean? Something doesn't jive here!<BR>Hmmm, Did he have the affair to test something out? Just a thought!<BR>Have you talked to him about this? If you have already answered that, sorry I forgot. (Must be age,Kid, I've got several years on you) Nope, I won't say right now. I need all the feel young I can get. See I read minds too! You were going to ask the second most taboo question. How old am I?<BR>Ahhh What's the first you ask? Well maybe you didn't ask, but This is me typing and You can't answer yet (NAH NAH na-na na) <BR>The #1 worst is,<BR>Do you Reeeally weigh what you said on your drivers license? Fooled ya Bet you thought I was going to say "Honey, do these pants make me look fat?" <P>Write back soon Kid, I'm sending smiles and hugs too.<BR>Besides----You MADE ME discuss SEX (and you know how I blush) Psst, ahh Think popsicle stick and tape. NOW That was not funny!<BR>SEE I have run amok here, I'm talking to myself AND answering back and Talking crude! Gosh KID, your leading me astray. Next thing you know I'm going to go down stairs and put on BRAVEHEART to get a glimpse of Fine Mel Gibson galloping in a skirt, Phew!!! Is it hot in here?<BR>Love Molly

LMS<BR>Hello! Are you there? I've been checking ICQ. Nope, your not there! I watched the weather channel to see if maybe Alaska broke away and went to Russia. Nope, was still there At 4pm my time. Hmm, did the little bit Makayla tie you up? She is far too young to learn to tie her shoes. Don't push her she'll learn soon enough. These young Mom's today! Always insisting on interrupping algabra class for shoe tieing lessons!<P>SOMEBODY COME BACK AND RESCUE ME FROM MYSELF HERE! I've turned into a fruitcake.<BR>Just Kidding!<BR>Talk to you soon<BR>Seriously, Hope nothings wrong, haven't heard anything in a while. Psst CALL ME<BR>OR AT LEAST WRITE SOMETHING! <BR>Love Molly<P>

HEY MOLLY!<BR>Thanks for the reply. You really hit the nail on the head w/some of your insight. I talked to H last night. He called so that I could have a more clear explanation of what happened. He said he NEVER was physically attracted to me, that he tried to be because of "all the other great qualities" I had that he was looking for. I jumped on the opportunity (since he brought up the attraction thing) and talked to him about the "E" problem. I said that maybe he needs to seek some help, medical or otherwise. If not for me, or any other woman....he NEEDS TO DO IT FOR HIMSELF. It just may improve his quality of life! He said he probably wouldn't unless the problem repeats itself. He's in such a pattern! There's a very pronounced line that he is not willing to cross in relationships. I can't figure out why, except fear and embarrassment. There was lots more to the conversation, but I don't have time to write it all. In case you've forgotten, I catch a plane today! So, please don't be alarmed! I will not be back here until Monday. Gee, I hope you guys can survive w/out me! (more like I hope I can survive w/out you) <BR>I am trying to stay strong. He can't figure out why I am holding so much resentment. I wonder??????? Anyway, you all have a great rest of the week. Keep writing and I'll catch up soon as I return!<BR>

ldlb,<BR>Hey KID! Wait! I'm all packed!<P>That wasn't fair now I'm going to be curious about that conversation until Monday!<P>Have a great vacation!! We'll miss you<P>Psst.... If you see LMS or Angela, Tell em to call HOME.<P>Love and hugs<BR>Molly

I'm here just really busy with work and my sons b-day is tomorrow and girls is sunday,<BR>they are running my butt off at work (which could be a good thing here )<P>just wantin to let you guys know I've been working some crazy hours and will bee on more starting saterday.<P>well got to go to work hugs and smiles commin your way!!!!!!!!!!! <P>LMS<P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<p>[This message has been edited by LMS (edited August 05, 1999).]

HEY guys!<BR>Just popped in to say HEY from sunny (but cold) CA!!!!<BR>Hope you all are having lots of fun, I'm doing pretty well........<BR>Having tons o' fun!<BR>Check in Monday.<BR>Molly, where have u been? Hope you are still smiling! <BR>

hey girls, a friend sent this to me today, and how true it is!!!!!!!!!<BR>Subject: a mom's wisdom<BR> My husband came home today and saw me sitting on the couch,<BR>toddler<BR>on<BR>one knee, and baby nursing on the opposite breast. I was trying to<BR>turn<BR>the<BR>pages of a book with the hand not attached to the infant, while<BR>listening<BR>for the sound of the stove buzzer, which would indicate that<BR>tonight's<BR>pork<BR>chops were at the stage between "well-done" and "the dog gets<BR>tonight's<BR>entree." My husband looked at me innocently, and asked "So, did<BR>you do<BR>anything today?" It's a good thing that most of my appendages were<BR>otherwise<BR>engaged, as I was unable to jump up and throttle him to death. This<BR>was<BR>probably for the best, as I assume that asking a stupid question is<BR>not<BR>grounds for murder in this country. Let me back up a bit, and<BR>explain what<BR>led me to this point in my life. I was not always bordering on the<BR>brink<BR>of<BR>insanity. On the contrary, a mere four years ago, I had a good<BR>job,<BR>steady<BR>income, and a vehicle that could NOT seat a professional sports<BR>team, and<BR>me,<BR>comfortably. I watched television shows that were not hosted by<BR>singing<BR>blue dogs. I went to bed later than nine o'clock at night. I<BR>preferred<BR>sex<BR>to<BR>sleeping in. I laughed at those people who drove halfway across the<BR>country<BR>hauling a tent trailer, two screaming kids, drooling dogs, and<BR>called it<BR>a<BR>holiday. Now I have become one of them! What happened? The stick<BR>turned<BR>blue! I have traded in my Victoria's Secrets lingerie for cotton<BR>briefs<BR>and a<BR>firm support nursing bra. Good-bye, Garth Brooks. Little Bear,<BR>Blues<BR>Clues<BR>and Hey it's Franklin! My idea of privacy is getting the use the<BR>bathroom<BR>without a two-year old banging on the door, and the baby spinning<BR>the<BR>toilet<BR>paper roll from the wheel all over the bathroom. And I finally<BR>understand<BR>that the term "Stay-At-Home Mom" does not refer to a parent who no<BR>longer<BR>works outside the house, but rather to one who never seems to get<BR>out the<BR>front door. So here I sit, children in hand, wondering how to<BR>answer my<BR>beloved husband. DID I DO ANYTHING TODAY?<BR>Well,<BR>I think I did, although not much seems to have gotten accomplished.<BR>I<BR>shared breakfast in bed with a handsome young man. Of course, the<BR>breakfast<BR>consisted of a bowl of porridge and leftover cookie crumbs found<BR>between<BR>the<BR>sheets. The handsome young man is about thirty-four inches tall<BR>and only<BR>gets really excited at the sight of purple dinosaurs, toy trucks<BR>and<BR>French<BR>Fries. I got to take a relaxing stroll in the woods. Of course, I<BR>was on<BR>the lookout for frogs and lizards, and had to stop and smell the<BR>dandelions<P>along the way. I successfully washed one load of laundry, moved<BR>the load<BR>that was in the washer into the dryer, and the dryer load into the<BR>basket.<BR>The load that was in the basket is now spread out on the bed,<BR>awaiting my<BR>bedtime decision to actually put the clothes away or merely move<BR>them to<BR>the<BR>top of the dresser. I read two or three classics. Of course,<BR>Dickens and<BR>Shakespeare cannot take credit for these works, as we have moved<BR>on to<BR>the<BR>works of Seuss and Munsch. I don't think I will be making any<BR>trips to<BR>the<BR>Adult Section of my local library anytime soon. In between, I<BR>dusted,<BR>wiped,<BR>organized and rearranged. I kissed away the owies and washed away<BR>the<BR>tears.<BR> I scolded, praised, hugged, and tested my patience, all before<BR>noon.<BR>DID<BR>I DO ANYTHING TODAY? You betcha! I will now understand what people<BR>mean<BR>when they say that parenthood is the hardest job they will ever<BR>have. In my<BR>LBD<BR>(life before diapers) I was able to teach young minds how to divide<BR>fractions<BR>and write complex sentences, but I am unable to teach a strong<BR>willed<BR>two-year-old how to use the toilet. I was once able to navigate<BR>urban<BR>streets while talking on the car phone and looking for a decent<BR>radio<BR>station, but now I can't get the wheels on my stroller to all go in<BR>the<BR>same<BR>direction. I've graduated from university, written newspaper<BR>articles, and<BR>won awards, but can't figure out how to get carrot stains out of<BR>the<BR>carpet.<BR>I used to debate with my friends about politics, but now we discuss<BR>the<BR>merits of cloth versus disposables. And when did I stop talking in<BR>sentences<BR>that had more than five words? So, in response to my husband's<BR>inquiry,<BR>yes,<BR>I did do something today. In fact, I am one step closer to one of<BR>life's<BR>greatest accomplishments.No, I did not cure AIDS or forge World<BR>Peace, but<BR>I<BR>did hold a miracle in my arms. Two, in fact. My children are my<BR>great<BR>accomplishment, and the opportunity to raise them is my greatest<BR>challenge.<BR>I don't know if my children will grow up to be great leaders or<BR>world-class<BR>brain surgeons. Frankly, I don't care, as long as they grow up to<BR>be<BR>happy<BR>and fulfilled. They are my greatest joys, even though I sometimes<BR>cry<BR>myself<BR>to sleep at night in frustration. The point is, that today I got<BR>to watch<BR>my<BR>children take another step on the great journey of Life, and I even<BR>got to<BR>point out some of the sites along the way. As challenging as<BR>parenthood<BR>is,<BR>it is also equally rewarding, because we are using all our wisdom,<BR>our<BR>talent<BR>and skills to help forge a new person. It is this person, these<BR>people,<BR>who, in turn, will use their gifts to create our future. So every<BR>nursery<BR>rhyme I recite, every swing I push, every little hand I hold is<BR>SOMETHING!<BR>And I did it today!!!!!!<P><BR>------------------<BR>maybe someday<p>[This message has been edited by LMS (edited August 06, 1999).]

HEY<BR>I'm back! Had a wonderful time in CA! <BR>So, how have all of you been? Doesn't look like there's been too much activity here, guess you're busy w/the ICQ, huh? Maybe someone will check this topic again! <BR>Anyway, I had to come back and face signing papers w/H. He wasn't very friendly, either! But, the thing is, I'm not sure how much that bothers me. I had such a good trip, and was able to let go of tons of anger. The only feeling I have left for my H is pity. I truly feel sorry for any person that can't allow themselves to be happy. I spent lots of time w/an old flame out there, and it was very nice to feel appreciated again. I know you might think that I am "rebounding" but I knew it was a temporary thing and like I said, it FELT SO GOOD! It was nice to go out to dinner w/someone who actually took the time to tell me I looked nice. Don't get me wrong, no real dates or anything, just out w/my girlfriend and her husband. It's nice to have old friends to help you out when you fall into a deep pit like I've been in lately. I would give ANYTHING if I had the guts to just pack up and move there. But, I have to stay here and face my fears.<BR>Well, if any of you come back here and see I'm back, please let me know!<BR>

ldlb, <BR> no I have been checking this thing every day and you are the only one I have heard from thank god you are back at a puter.<BR>kinda worried about molly and the others well I am glad you had a blast in calf. well having some medical probs here they are talking about having to have a hystorectomy, I just cant get a break, I start going along good again and somethin else slaps me down well pain meds are kicking in got to go lay down before I pass out later....<P>LMS

Hey girls!<P>Sorry I haven't been here in a while, had a real bad week. <P>Monday was my birthday. Happy birthday to me .<BR>I bought myself a birthday present.<BR>I baught brand new door locks! AND sang "Happy birthday" to myself as I installed them!<P>You know guys, I try so hard to not get mad at him. I really do! I keep letting him sh*t on me and make hurtful comments. And I just keep on trying!!! He NEVER calls-NOT even the kids. They have to call him, then when he gets around to it he returns thier calls. BIG of him!!<BR>Sunday My oldest Daughter called him to tell him a neighbor H was close to had passed away after a long illness. H did not return the call until evening. I answered the phone and told him why the girls had called.<P>He told me he had worked OT that day. I was pleasent and asked how he was doing. Gees! The man never misses a chance to whine he has ONLY $90 a week left so he HAS to work OT! Now thats too damn bad!!!!!! HE LEFT!!!! HE GOES OUT AND GETS DRUNK ON A REGULAR BASIS!!!! Duhhh, no wonder you have no money!!!!!!!! <BR> Then he asked about the letter from his lawyer about arbitration. I played dumb. <BR>He demanded to know if I got it. I told him yes. He got kinda loud <BR>"Well, what do you want out of the house?"<BR>I stayed nice and calm <BR>"I am not talking about this."<BR>That pissed him off.<BR>He demanded to know if I read the letter from the lawyer.<BR>I said back VERY calmly<BR>"Did you read my answer?"<BR>That set off his temper.<BR>he yelled. "I am not going to counciling."<BR>I said "I never thought you would."<BR>Well that shut him up for a second. NOT LONG though <BR>He started again "I AM NOT COMING HOME!! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK HEAD"<BR>So I said calmly. "I know, I'm hanging up now. Don't yell at me again."<BR>And I hung up.<BR>Now I'm really pissed!!! How dare he just ASSUME HE CAN just walk back in here like he never did a damn thing!!! <BR>So now he's going to find out the hard way that, that is not going to happen. I changed the locks and he has no KEY!!! AND unless that MAN pulls his sh*t together he going to be sleeping on an air mattress and whining about $90 bucks until Hell freezes over before he gets back in here!!!! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif[/img] >>>>>this is mad not sad.<P>I"m skipping in my mind right now!! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR>So how was your week? Ha ha<P>Lms,, <BR>Histerectomy?? Good grief girl, are you alright? I have checked periodically to see if your online>>haven't caught you.<BR>Lesa, Are you really OK? Are you still going Home? Talk to me girl!!<P>Ldlb,,,,, Need a name here KID, I get the letters mixed up (Dislexia you know)<BR>OK KId, I'm Clueless here. What happened? Did I miss something? The last I heard you were on your way out to sunny (but COLD) CA. You had talked to H.(BLANK BLANK) ,,,That means missing pieces here!!<BR>WHAT PAPERS???<BR>OLD FLAME??? YOU GO GIRL!!!!!<BR>I'm not going to rattle on much more here. Just want to post this soon to see if you guys are on.<BR>One more thing, I heard about a job in Oklahoma. At Altus Air Force Base. Might put in for it [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] What the hell--may go find ME a COWBOY!!!! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/wink.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/wink.gif[/img] And tell HIM To KISS OFF [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR>Love and hugs Girls<BR>Molly

Not the Cowboy!! The Husband Giggle giggle <BR>Love molly

yeah I'm going to be ok alot of heavy bleeding and pain but I go to see the doc again friday the think It may be a bad case of endometreosis(sorry I cant spell )<BR>on some good drugs though tylanol 3 with codine and 800 mg motrin at the same time.<BR>well I need to go to sleep I'll try to catch ya later molly.see ya ldlb!<BR>LMS

HEY Guys!!!!!!!<BR>Nice to see everybody back! Yes, my trip was fun...the papers I signed was a waiver of summons. That way, H just has to present the divorce petition to the judge and it's granted right away. Anyway, I'm truly through being hurt by him. The only feeling I have left is a major pity for the man. I am almost feeling relieved. I knew that my marriage was not all I had hoped for. Had we been as happy as when we were dating, we would still be together. But, somehow when I moved into that house, things changed. I am so tired of talking over it. I do understand that we both had fault, but mostly the cause is his inability to have true intimacy. My "old flame" says that I have a fear of that same intimacy and I choose men who can't give it to me because it's safer that way. He says that's why I ended it w/him 8 yrs ago. So, about the relief I was feeling.....I know there is something better out there, and I may or may not find it. But the bottom line is I would rather have nothing over something that is not what marriage should be. I deserve better than that!!!!!!!! Listen to me!!!!! Can you believe it's really the same person??? I am not just talking big, and maybe it's easier because we have no children involved, not to mention the length of our marriage was only months, not years. So, now I'm free to find that true happiness. I'm not saying I was NEVER happy w/my H....I was, but not after we said vows. I had every intention of standing behind those vows, but now I have to close that chapter and start writing a new one. For now, it will be only me in the story, until I nurture myself enough to feel strong enough to get involved again.<BR>I CHOOSE to be happy! I will not let anyone rain on my parade right now!!!!!!!!! <BR>Better start working. <BR>LMS, hope you're feeling better. I know you've got some good drugs!!!!!<BR>Molly, keep your "righteous anger" going, trust me it will keep you going! Helps your sanity as well!<BR>Keep smiling..... <BR>

Morning Ladies,<P>Just dropping in to say hi. HI!!!<BR>It's 5:40 am here and I'm awake. You two are both asleep I guess. Lesa, I got your e=mail, jokes were funny! Although reading jokes this early is not so much fun <BR>I need to go back to bed here, it's saturday and no self respecting normal person, that doesn't have to go to work should be up at <BR>this hour!<P>Lesa, Are you going to be on-line at 4?<P>Kid, Did your sis-in-law update computer?<P>So many qusetions, no one to answer. <BR>Hey, wake up!!! I'm by myself here and it's dark!! Can't see the keys to type!!! <BR>Curious how I make less spelling errors this way;(<P>You know that pisses me off, WHAT? you say.<BR>Well, there is this little box that pops up on my screen, you know that one with the loud noise? Anyway it says,"You've been idle for so many minutes, do you want to stay connected?" It's like the damn computer is telling me to hurry up and type faster!!!! Yep, definitely tired here. <P>Sleep tight friends, will check to see if you've been here later. <P>Love and hugs<BR>Molly<BR>

LMS,<BR> Is something wrong? I saw you go online and then you declined my request to talk. Did I screw up by sending e-mail?<P>I hope there's not a problem. I'm going to wait awhile to see if you come back on. If not I'll be on again 4pm tomorrow.<BR>Molly

Molly,<BR>that wasnt me it was HIM, I didnt even know untill I read this he gose through the computer to see if I have been talking to any men,(but he dosent love me ) go figure.<BR> well ladies, I guess I'm out of here on the 25 I dont know when the movers will get my stuff to me so if ya dont hear from me dont panic, I'll just be out ridein the horses till I find me a job and house for me and the kids, mom wants me to move back home for good but I have had my own house for so long I think we would bump heads over alot. well I will be back on here at 9:00 your time molly got to go pick up my last check and pay to get the dogs shots and flying papers,birds to oh joy what fun. be back on later.<BR>love ya all <BR>Lesa