My WS and I go for our first session at mediation tomorrow. Mediation seems to be a good word that may bring a postive result, but it really is just another way to split up stuff and get a divorce. Any advise from anyone who may have used this service. My WS has been out of our home now for 1 month. There have been no legel proceedings yet. Any advise would be welcomed. bte, i am the bs (husband) and i don't want a divorce.

don't argue over the small things they can be replaced, stay focused on the larger issues and remember this is just a finacial exercise, don't give in to her demands thinking it will bring her back

Hi... you have come to the right place because I just recently (past week) ended my marriage of 8 years with my LAWYER husband who had handled divorces before. I used a mediator here in Scottsdale, AZ. I could've gotten a lawyer, but believe me, when you live with one for 10 years, you know they never want to lose. After he betrayed me, I knew I needed some advice without having two lawyer-cavemen egos involved, while they ego battle, I could envision any money I had fly out the cave door.<p>Mediation is a good first step. It worked well for me. My mediator was able to handle my STBX's ego because he was one. And the expenses are kept down much lower. This is my first divorce so I am no expert, but my gut instinct led me to Divorce With Dignity 8 months ago and if I had to do it all over with a mediator I would. Again, you are hearing a wife's biased opinion because I was married to a lawyer. Maybe because I was, I knew how complicated it would've been with another one in the picture. I just wasn't in the mood to have two in my life pounding their chests professing which one is better and missing the whole issue -- mine.

We used a mediator with great results. Our mediator put us in the top 1% though. My WS XW gave me pretty much everything I wanted. She was fairly consiliatory given her guilt, usual avoidance of conflict, and my willingness to fight for my daughter. I was only looking out for my daughter and what was fair and was not out to punish my STBXW. If you are trying to punish your STBX, a mediator won't work.<p>I think that if you can come to a basic agreement then a mediator can help with the details. A mediator may even be able to offer solutions to some really big problems, but remember that the job of a mediator is to get a deal done, not necessarily a good deal for both, that's what lawyers are for. I think that the most help a mediator can give is options from which you can choose. You will need both, a mediator and a lawyer to do it right. Consult a lawyer first and then meet with a mediator to figure out a deal. You may wish to take your lawyer with you when meeting with a mediator. <p>Very happy with our mediator which my WS XW chose. She was not in a hurry to push a divorce through like a lawyer might do. She is also a lawyer.<p>Remember that you have to live with the divorce decree so it is best that you both can come to an agreement on your own that you both can live with. All lawyers do is complicate the process and make it a lot more expensive and you may not end up with what you want, even if you "win".<p>Kevin

Great. thanks for the info and advise. please pray for me as i am going today at 2pm. peace.