I have posted before, but for those of you who don't know me, I found "pictures" of my h affair. Rather gruesome! He met this OW on the internet, and we had had a long history of problems concerning the internet, but I didn't know it had gone so far.<P>Believe it or not, I had decided to stay, but last night I found a hidden list of names and addresses in his organizer. All local addresses.<P>See he had made mention to the counselor that he felt like "Tim Bundy" or something, and I never could figure out what he meant by that, but now, I see that there were A LOT of women, and not just one.<P>I found out about this 6 weeks ago, and he still hasn't had an STD test. Professes to love me, but I can't take this. I have a 2-year old son that we're torturing with this ****.<P>Just this week he picked up a rock and hit another little boy in the head. Didn't throw it, but "wham" right in the head with rock and hand.<P>The stress is killing me, I'm having double-vision. Something that hasn't happened since my day had a stroke in 1991 and we were all under extreme pressure.<P>I guess if this is all true, about all these women, then I'm leaving him. I do love him, but this is more than an affair, this is a sexual problem, and I can't live with it.<P>I have all these addresses, and feel like a super sleuth, but what do I do now. Ask him about it, keep digging for info.? What?? Please help, if you could only feel how sick this makes me, and the pain in my back and shoulders from holding this all in.<P>All I wanted was for someone to love me more than anything else in their life, and now I'm nothing...<P>Dragonfly

Dragon.........<P> My dear it is not you who is nothing it is him. I know what depression can do and thats what it feels like that you are nothing. But get that out of your head right now. Get rid of the bum. Sounds like he is seeing alot of other women. I am married suppose to be 15 years in Oct. But I am not in love with him either. I never thought I could meet someone that would treat me right and love me as ME. But guess what about a month ago I did. So my dear there are still some great men out there. You just have to find yourself again and your self esteem and get rid of him. I think once you start there you will start seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I have finally seen mine and took me 2 years. So please don't put yourself down you did nothing wrong. Only we did wrong was love them and we got taken for granted.. Keep in touch please. Chin up hon.

Wonder, are you having an affair? Did you and your husband finally separate? I thought you might be headed that direction anyway. Congratulations, I think.<P>Dragonfly, if your husband is half what you say, I think I might agree with Wonder.<P>What's this stuff about "All I wanted was for someone to love me more than anything else in their life" stuff. I think if we draw our self esteem from whether or not somebody else is "loving" us the way we want, we are bound to go through this sort of thing. I did that stuff before myself. Now I refuse to base my self esteem on the behavior and impressions of other people. There is no reason I should suffer if someone else turns out to be a moron. I try to set my own standards and strive to live up to them. That seems to work. (I know, it sounds like "7 Habits" stuff. That's where I got it.) I have a girl friend who says she loves me, and I love her as well. But if she ever decides she doesn't love me, I think I am strong enough now to know that I am not "nothing" based on her decision. I am something with or without someone else. So are you. So if your husband is a little philandering pervert with no respect for your person or his commitments, I think you should send him walking.<BR>

Wonder,<P>We were married in Oct. too. 10/29 to be exact.<P>Is this a sickness that he has? Can it be helped?<P>I'm at work and just got off the phone with him. Acted like I didn't find the list, because I want to show it to him face to face.<P>If it is true, do I really want to try to "cure" him from this sickness?<P>I just think about us being divorced, and him coming to pickup our son, and us not being together.<P>This is killing me!

Dragon........ <P><BR> Only you can answer that. About if you want to try and cure him of this sickness. Yes I think people have addictions to sex. If it were me I would get the information I could and then confront him. Then kick his butt out. So my dear all the ? you have asked us we can only give advice you are the only one that knows what you really want to do. All I know is there are still great men out there. I never believed it myself but now I do. <P> <BR> Nonpulsed.......<P> No am not seperated YET. But yes in time my dear. Actually in my mind we have been seperated for couple years just live under the same roof. So dear in my mind no its not an affair because we don't sleep together. And I don't sleep with spouse that way and havn't for along time. But yes I am happier then have been in a very long time. Talk soon.

nonplused,<P>Unfortunately everything I told you is true. I think that he is truly struggling with this, and sappy sounding or not, can't help himself.<P>As for me "wanting to be loved...", I think it goes back a long way in my life to needing to know that I can trust someone and show them the love I have in me.<P>I'm actually a very strong person, who maybe finally has broken under the pressure.<P>There's so much pressure in my life, that sometimes I can't even function. Like today for instance...<P>I know that he doesn't want "us" to end, but I think it's more for selfish reasons than because he really wants to stay. We have a decent home, a beautiful son, a dog, two cats, etc., and he doesn't want to lose any of this or me.<P>I'm a great wife and a fun person to be with. I know this about me, but God, I didn't want to end up here. Not that any of us did.<P>I don't think that I can satisfy this sexual need in him, and I can't stand living with the thought that he needs these other people..

Dragonfly:<P>If your husband is suffering from sexual addiction, it is treatable, but the road is difficult and you should view it as an addiction similar to alcoholism, gambling, or chemical abuse. Professional help will be a must, and most sexual addicts (or addicts in general) must be willing to admit the problem first.<P>I'd suggest that you post over to infidelity and ask "cl" for advice---she's married to a sex addict as well, and she's been working through it in their marriage.