I am involved in a fairly new relationship (we've been together about 5 mths). We both feel very strongly about each other and have even talked marriage and kids etc. etc.<P>We both love to travel and have decided that we would like to live out of the country for a while. <P>A couple of months ago, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that requires me to take imunosuppressants. This may prevent me from traveling.<P>When I asked my S.O. if he would go and live somewhere else if I couldn't come with he said he wasn't sure. <P>Perhaps I'm asking too much in the beginning of our relationship. Of course what I wanted him to say was that he would stay with me if I couldn't go. He assured me that it is not that he would go with someone else, but that he might go by himself. He says that sometimes he thinks he is destined to be by himself. <P>I thanked him for being honest with me but now I am wondering if I should continue to put time and effort in this relationship if he is not even sure if he wants to be with ANYBODY. Perhaps this is a sign that he is not willing to commit.<P>I am trying to understand. Can anyone help me?

You haven’t posted in a long time & I have been wondering what happened.<P>I think probably you are expecting too much at this early stage of the game especially considering the last year. Yes, it would be nice to have it all right now, but sometimes it takes a while to get up to speed.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Chris,<BR>Good to hear from you. I think about the original cast of the MB forum all the time. I was afraid to keep posting because mine was one of the marriages that didn't work out. However, my H and I are, I am happy to say, better friends now than we were when we were married.<P>It is tough starting a new relationship. I'd almost forgotten what it was like. I'm trying really hard to avoid some of the things that I did in my previous marriage that didn't work. It's hard to break out of the old patterns sometime.<P>Thanks for your response

I too, am one whose relationship didn't survive the OW, and I know now that it was the best thing for me. That was a case of one who couldn't commit - 6 yrs - asked me to marry him, and then 2 mos. later moved in with the OW. BTW - they are still together, and he has really dug himself a hole - very sad.<P>In any case, I'm in the same boat. So sensitive in my new relationship (4 mos). Overanalyzing each and every move. I posted a message just recently. <P>Perhaps you are asking alot of him, and perhaps, and I know how hard it is, try not to worry about hypothetical circumstances. If it gets to the point where you must move, address it at that time. I know I have to watch myself - not to ask questions which show how afraid I am that overnight he will walk out of my life/whatever, because if I push that hard enough, as great a guy as he is, my insecurity would make a saint crazy. It's terribly frustrating because I have always been a very secure, strong person.<P>So take a deep breath, and believe that if he is the one, he will be there for you, and if he is not, it's only to make room for the one who is. At least this is what I tell myself when I'm feeling anxious. I hope it works for you. <P>Sara

Hi Kait,<BR> I jumped over on this board to look around,and saw your name.Wondered where you went.Sorry things did'nt work out for you.I see you live in Seattle,too.About your new relationship(if you want my two-bits worth),maybe you need to slow down a little bit.5 months is'nt very long to be talking about marriage,etc.You know,you could be in that infatuation and passion stage we discuss on the MB board.My W and I dated for 2 years before we got married.You probably should know someone for at least a year before committing to spending the rest of your life with them.Don't you feel a little gun-shy after what you been through?Have you dated a lot of men? Just curious.Sorry to hear about your health problems.I have had some medical problems,too,and I don't think that helped our marriage,either.You need to find someone that is compassionate and understanding when you have something serious like that.My W was at first,but I think later came to resent it when I did'nt feel good.I guess all I'm trying to say is, go slow,don't be too vulnerable,or on the rebound.Think with your head,not your emotions.If you don't think this relationship will work out,don't force it to.Find someone that wants to be with you,even if you have medical problems.Well,end of my speech,for what it's worth.Take care,Kait. --Murph