I have been married for 6 yrs and have 2 small children. We have had problems, but always loved eachother very much so it was nothing we could not get through. Then suddenly 2 weeks ago in the process of me losing my grandmother, My husband came to me and told me he wanted a divorce. That we had tried to fix things for too long and he just was not happy with me or our life. I am so devistated, but most of all confused. He in this short time has already moved in with a co worker (male) and filed for divorce.<BR> Now Everytime I talk to him he is so cold to me, he who has been my best freind for 6 yrs. I have told him that this is not what I want and I will not sign for a divorce. Our children are in so much pain and none of this seems to faze him. Which is so unlike him. My question is should I keep fighting a divorce and convincing myself he might change his mind, or that I could even forgive him if he did. Or should I just get a good laywer and prepare myself? What should I do?? I am so hurt and confused that I change how I feel every ten minutes. Please Help.

Just curious....do you think that your H may be seeing someone? I heard the same words before and at the time never suspected that there was OW involved. It was another month before it was confirmed because he kept denying it. I thought my H would never betray me, but he did. Just wondering.....

Well that has been everyone's first impression because none of this makes sense. But after my parents talking to him in length they too came to the conclusion I did he just broke under all the stress. NO money, nothing ever going right. And he does not believe that there is even a God. The one thing that I believe has had a huge impact is where he works. About 30 % of everyone there has gotten divorced in the last 6 months. I think he sees all this, and just thinks he will be so much better off. He says I have always been his best friend and does not want to lose that. Well isn't being a friend one of the main things most married couples don't have? Well that is just not enough for him, he keeps saying he is just not happy. The thing that really gets me is he was raised with a part time father and hated it and never wanted to do that to his kids. No he says he thinks he could be a better part time dad..How can someone change so drastically in 2 weeks time. I just feel so much hurt. My whole life has gone from stable to a mess. God please Help ME!!!1

I have found myself in the exact same situation since July 7th. My husband came home and decided he wanted a divorce. We've been together for 11 years...married for 8...no children. He is a police officer and experiences quite a bit of stress....we have had some of the same problems...no money...struggling with busy schedules. I accept responsibility for not treating him as good as I could have all the time...there are alot of things about myself that can change to make things a lot better. HOWEVER, he says that "he" has "tried" all he can and is "done." I cannot accept that we have done anything....how could we when he didn't even make me aware of these feelings....? <P>There is another woman involved...but they swear they are just friends...and I am inclined to believe him...he's acting more like a mid-life crisis type of person...however, he's only 31. Doesn't want responsibility...wants to buy a motorcycle...etc....<BR> <BR>What can one spouse do to help the other admit that there may still be some love there and to give it a shot? I only have 30 days until the divorce is final and he's not bending at all...His actions are showing that he still cares but his words are cold..."I don't care what happens to you"...I don't love you at all"...is it possible to just NOT love someone you've been so close to for so long? <P>It's just not like him...he hates conflict...hates to hurt other peoples' feelings...and is the kindest, softest hearted man I've ever known...it's like an alien is inhabiting his body...where does all the anger come from?<P>Help!

Leda, I really would like to talk to you. My h is also a Police officer and I think you will find there are allot of similarities. Please email me, pfccandles@aol.com <BR>I will be waiting to hear from you.

I'm living a similar situation. My h also a police officer, tells me after 6 years of marriage (for the most part a happy one)that he started an affair with a fellow police officer the week prior and that he no longer could stay married to me. Left my house the day after to live with this OW and tells me he wants a divorce the following week. It's been 6 weeks since he's been with her. He says they are soul mates, that she has passion that he did not feel we had together. I love him very much, we've been best of friends since before we got married and I cannot understand why he never told me he was this unhappy. He claims he thaught it was his job and she made him realize it wasn't the job but the marriage I still want him back and want to try and make this work. We had a great live together, a nice home, a beautiful child, no money problems, maybe we could of had more hugs and kisses but who can't? Am I the only one that thinks we need to work at a marriage and not just give up? Open for suggestions, I'm at the end of my rope!<P>------------------<BR>

Well I am in total amazement I cannot believe all this. I wrote this and had no intention of telling my h career, but after all these simalarities I thought I should. MY husband too is a police officer!!! Is this some kind of weird coincidence? I too like you Leda have been saying for the last 2 weeks since this began I felt as though a alien had inhabited him. I would love to talk more to any of you, please email me. pfccandles@aol.com

Well, it's Friday the 13th all right--My husband just left, taking half of what he owns--says he'll be back tomorrow for the other half. This hurts so much--it seems pointless to be typing this but I have no one to talk to--no family--some friends--some ex-friends my husband says believe he should leave me--I just don't know what to do. I just barely found this site--I was obsessed with studying all I could as fast as I could--it wasn't fast enough. Can't afford counselling, especially now. How do I live through this??? I usually take depression medication, but it is so expensive and money has been disappearing... I ran out. I was spewing love-busting comments like crazy. He wouldn't help me get more meds-just criticized me for my attitude. Isn't there anybody out there with some good advice???<P>------------------<BR>L.R.H.<p>[This message has been edited by Littleredhen (edited August 14, 1999).]

Well first of all mine has only been 2wks ago, and At first I thought I would go insane, but it does get better! Do you have children? I know right now it all seems very hopeless, but once you have some time to get a little perspective you will relize that you will be ok. Whenever I talk with H I cry and when I think of him, but if I distance myself then It is just not so bad. And if your freinds are like that then who needs em.