Wonder-<BR>I don't think you should leave the boards because your experience and opinions valuable. Some spouses are being abused and it's not always the best thing for them to be encouraged to remain in a toxic/dangerous relationship. You provide inspiration that there is hope and a better life after abuse. <P>Just ignore K. Take him with a big grain of salt - it's a big world and it's big enough for all our opinions. Don't get into a mud slinging match with him just say "it's refreshing to hear another point of view although I respectfully do not agree with it" and continue with posting and helping people who need help. <P>Inloveonline-<BR>You said your H has threatened to kill you if you leave him. This really has me worried. I hope that you haven't been berated off this board. If you decide to leave your H please be careful - it's the most dangerous time for you and you have to preplan your exit. <P>That's why I don't want you to go running to your OM's house because just today there was a triple murder/suicide in my city. Apparently a shunned H decided to get even.<P>I worry for your safety. And I worry that your OM might be some kind of wolf who rescues women, traps them, and begins his own kind of abusive games. I want you to beware the overly-charming men because they are manipulators hiding behind a nice exterior. Yes, they're out there and they're looking to prey on unhappy women such as yourself. That's why no matter what you do, married or not, you need to be able to support yourself and take care of yourself without depending on a man. Go slowly with your decisions, whatever they may be.<P>God's blessings. <BR>

To All, mostly "K"<P>I am not an empty shell or am I a blonde. Never have I said my affair was morally correct, never have I said I approve of what I am doing. But......I am doing it, and yes "K", I am not planning on stopping at the current time. <P>I have made some big time mistakes in my life. ANd now those whom I love most are paying......my children. I should have never married H, but at a young age I decided I knew what love was and I was in love and I did......marry him. Was not fair to either one of us...or our children. I said you made me mad,,,,,I did not say I did not like you. I can not make any kind of assumption based on your persoanality,,,I do not know you. I have always been the patch maker, the person who gives to keep down the tension. I did this as a child, as a friend, as a parent, as a sibling and now as a wife. I am so worn out that sometimes I feel as if I am on this huge clift and if I let go I will just keep falling for eternity. I let go one night and OM caught me. As an adult I know what is important in life, God, family! Only two things that really matter. I also know what love should feel like and in my home there is none. So, who is to say that I can not learn from my own mistakes in marriage number one. And apply what I have learned to relationship number two. Make it work, because I am dedicated to it. I was dedicated to my first marriage....for years, I took the verbal abuse, the belittlement, the you are woman, so you must be stupid. and now I am just tired. I had forgotten who I was. No one at home ever listened to me, ever cared that I had feelings much less wanted to hear them. I thought I was not normal. Other people would talk about how much they enjoyed sex with their husband, wife, and I knew I did not have the same kind of expirences they had. I thought it was me because of my past. But with OM I learned it was not me, it was me with Husband. That when someone loves you on the inside you can show them physically that you love them back. I am wrong. I am wrong....nothing like driving a point home twice. I know it, but have not the strenght to fight it anymore. I am weak. I have fallen to the OM. He is so kind. He does not care if I cry over AT&T commericials. He told me to tell him every thought I have and never fear his reaction. That was unbelievable to me, that I could express myself without fear.<BR>I understand and respect your point of view. I imagine you are a much stronger person then I am, and your wife is very lucky to have a man who is willing to forgive her. I know that in my house, forgiveness is not an option. I will not tell H about affair. He would make my life and our children's life very miserable. My mom is the most christian person I know. She is a saint. and she does not believe in divorce......but this week she told me it was time to move on and get rid of H. She does not know about OM. My brother knows the whole story......and he said he thinks I need to get out before it is too late. But at the same time, I do not know if I am strong enough. I have full support of my family. But it is not them who has to support two boys on there own. I make more money then H, so he will not have to pay as much child support. I would have to leave my home, meaning my boys would have to give up their rooms, their dog and their dad. Who am I to take away their dad. My dad died when I was 14, God took him, I do not want to play God. You are right, I have made a mess with my life. And I have involved my kids and his kids. I am sorry, but at the same time. I am not strong enough to leave OM. I do not think I could get through one day without his support. He is my rock. So, "K", I support your position, for you! OM has been the brightest spot in my life in a long time. I have four men in my life, God, two sons, and OM. I need them all. And yes,,,,,,I still believe God will forgive me. He knows me better then I do, and I know you will not buy this,,,,,,,but in some way I know he sent OM to me. I prayed for help and I got OM. There is love then there is soul mate love, I have had both and what I have with OM is the real thing......but he is not the father of my boys. Life stinks sometimes!<BR>Please try to understand where I stand. Geuss I am not as strong as you are. wish I was.<BR>

Karma.......<P> Thank you so much for your response. Its people like you who make me feel wanted. I will write back now that I read yours. Thank you so very much,<P> <P>InLove........<P> I to know its wrong about affairs. But like you he makes and shows me I am loved. I am like you was not looking. But still I knew was not happy. I feel so much better about life now that he is part of it. And yes in time we are going to be together too. We talk everything out every feeling etc. I never knew there were any men out there that were so kind and loving and cares about each and every feeling I have. If I am thinking he knows it. And wants me to tell him all that I am feeling. I do the same for him. Its so new to us both saying every feeling we have even if its a negative one. I even saw tears run down his face the other day. He told me what he was feeling at the time. It made me melt inside. So you see some people in my eyes are compatiable but you don't find that person till later. I believe in the saying good things happen when you least expect them. I feel God has his reasons for certain things to happen in ones life. I prayed for 2 years now and he did answer them. I know he sees me happy again. He put us on earth to be happy . Thats why INLOVE he does forgive you and everyone. All I know is I am happier then I have been in a very long time. And to me life again is to short to stay with someone that makes you so unhappy. So InLove make yourself happy and then your kids will see such a change in you . You will be amazed how that will matter to them down the road.

inloveonline:<P>I do believe that I understand where you are in your life. I don't know your husband, I don't know whether your marriage could be saved. But I do know that virtually everything you've said could have been said by my wife a couple years ago. And I've seen my wife---the one I love---get torn to pieces by this, and we've been sitting back putting those pieces in place. I'm not beating up on you because I'm perfect or righteous---it's because I've experienced first-hand the damage from the path you're taking.<P>As I mentioned before, my wife could have practically written your posts a few years ago. But now she says that she loves me more deeply than ever. And our marriage is much better than ever before. Yhat's why I have hope in the process that I laid out for you.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Never have I said my affair was morally correct, never have I said I approve of what I am doing. But......I am doing it, and yes "K", I am not planning on stopping at the current time. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Sadly, I can see that. Dr. Harley likens affairs to chemical substance addiction, and having lived through one, I can see his point (he spent his early career doing drug and alcohol counseling, so he knows what he's talking about). Your affair is an addiction right now. You're really not thinking of the welfare of your children, your family. You just love this feeling of happiness---and lots of people won't blame you, because you haven't been happy in a long time. I don't blame you for wanting that happiness either. My concerns lie in that this happiness you feel will likely be temporary, and when it's over, you will feel much, much worse. And that I do believe that you have the chance to have this happiness with your husband, and you have the obligation to make the attempt.<P>But I'm assuming that you're not going to. You're too scared to tell your husband---you can't even tell your mother. So I'm going to give you advice for moving on with any future relationship, because I think you can benefit from it (and you could apply it to your current one).<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>So, who is to say that I can not learn from my own mistakes in marriage number one. And apply what I have learned to relationship number two. Make it work, because I am dedicated to it. I was dedicated to my first marriage....for years, I took the verbal abuse, the belittlement, the you are woman, so you must be stupid. and now I am just tired. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>There are some thing you need to learn. First off, love and marriage is hard work. Not all the time, but a lot. You need to learn HOW to do the work. You appear to be a conflict-avoider; you're lying to everyone now (to protect yourself), but it appears that you've lied to your husband for years.<P>Dedication to the marriage is not taking (verbal) abuse. It's learning the skills to communicate and negotiate and NOT tolerate these behaviors. You need to learn the skills that are presented in Harley's Four rules for a successful marriage: Protection, Care, Time, and Honesty. You should pay particular attention to the rule of complete honesty and the policy of Joint Agreement. If you can learn to practice these in a relationship, you won't end up at the point you're at now: completely frustrated because you feel "worn out". A lot of this is your husband's fault for the way he's treated you. But you share equally in that you've allowed this treatment to continue: you're not a helpless victim, and there are resourcs available for you to learn the skills to deal with this. It's hard to learn this in a marriage that's as "gone" as yours, but it is possible (I'm proof). If you choose not to work on your marriage, I pray that you decide to learn these skills anyway. Because you'll need them---if you end up with the OM, or some one else, you will need them.<P>So, I want you to learn skills. They will benefit you more than anything you can do. What else should you do?<P>You need to make a decision on whether to work on your marriage or leave it. If you leave it, I suggest that you do a separation as opposed to a quick divorce---this will allow you to see how your children will deal with it. I still believe that you should tell your husband about the affair: delaying this will only make it worse, and his response may be magnified. If there's truly a threat of physical violence, you should do this in a counselor's presence, and be prepared to issue restraining orders. But I'm guessing that the actual threat of violence is magnified in your mind because of your behaviors; not because your husband is an abusive spouse.<P>If you separate or divorce, you should tell your whole family what you've done. You're going to need their support. The more you lean on the OM, the harder a fall will be, if it occurs. For my wife, her fall depressed her so much that she threatened murder/suicide with our children. You don't want to end up there, so get your family involved. Your mother can provide emotional support while not approving of what you're doing.<P>You're sitting on a fence, and this is going to get harder on you and your children and your husband. I bet you're not meeting your husband's needs now---I'm sure he's getting frustrated. And he takes that out on you. And this spousal punishment cycle continues unchecked. Been there, done that. Don't want to go back. You need to make hard decisions. Do it. Find the support you need, and do it.<P>And God never, never sends OP's to married spouses as an answer to your prayers. Satan does. Again, this is justification in your eyes because you can't see the harm or the addiction. He will forgive you, when you ask for that forgiveness. And I'm betting that you will ask for it---I'm just hoping that it's sooner rather than later, because when it happens later, you've found that you've destroyed so much more. <P>If you get a chance, buy a copy of "Surviving an Affair". It will go over what you've been feeling and saying---almost word for word. Your affair is not unique, it's not soul mate love. It's a cliche---a predictible, repeatable pattern of a needy person making bad choices. I hope that you can make some choices that protect you and your children.<P>God bless.

My h. of 21 years had an emotional affair with a girl 14 years younger than him. He told me and a friend of ours that God had shown him that this girl was his perfect soul mate. That she was a light that came into his darkness (isn't God our light? And if we are walking in the light we shall not be in darkness. The work of the light is every act of loving kindess). Anyway, this girl died. God giveth and God taketh away, I guess. My h. has now changed his story and says he doesn't think she is/was his soul mate. He also has lost honor with the friend he told because the friend knew it was pure bull s---- as does his mother, our pastor and my counselor. God would never send a married person anyone else especially another married person. That the lust of your flesh talking. I don't care if you are in an abusive relationship. Married people are off limits until divorced because they belong to someone else. I am not an abusive wife and I am suffering the worst pain of my life. I have been suicidal because some little flousy who did not know enough to refuse what was not hers chased my h. Now our marriage is suffering, my h. is suffering, I am suffering.<P>True story-there was a man and wife who just had twin girls. They hired a 19 year old babysiter. The h. fell in love with babysitter, divorced his wife and stood in a church and told someone that God had brought the two of them together. Yea, God told this man to leave his wife and baby girls. You can make yourself believe anything you want but those on the outside who see clearly ain't going to buy it. I don't believe for one minute God approves of your relationship with om let alone sent him to you

K,<BR>For the first time I felt like you were not yelling at me!!!!!!!!! I am smiling as I write that.<P>I am trying to understand your side of this. And.....I think you are trying to understand mine. Abuse in a marriage happens on many fronts. I have had a gun waived in my face......been threaten to be killed and dumped in the river......I have watched him call our son's pussies. I have been called everything under the sun. I am hard on the outside to him now. It rolls off my back. He goes in cycles...nice for a while then back to this other person I hate. I could not tell him about OM......he does not have the mental ability to forgive or to even try to understand. When I leave, it will have to be in the middle of the night and have protection from him.....all my family says so......that is not guilt talking. From the outside the public sees him as a wonderful person, but they do not have to live with him. I do not want to save this marriage. I am tired of trying to save this marriage. and yes,,,,I knew you would say OM was from the fallen angel. But......he is not. In live all things have a reason. I married H, God entrusted us with two sons......I would never wish them away....so I had to marry him to get these two wonderful boys. But now the time has ran out. I am going to make those tough decisions. and I am sure it will get worse before it gets better. Thank you for your kind advice today. I am very glad your wife is better now....I know just how low she can feel.<BR>Bubblemaker,<BR>I am not a flusy. Do not judge my relationship with my OM based on your expirences with your H and his younger lady. My OM tried to fix his marriage. I even pushed him away and back to her once,,,,,,she did not want him either, she has told him she is leaving as soon as their youngest graduates high school. She kicked him out of their bedroom. She threw him a way and I caught him. He caught me right back. I know I fall into all of those catagories,,,,,,but the key, I have discovered is friendship. OM and I are friends first. He is my best friend. I am 31 years old and for the first time in my life I actually enjoyed the physical side of an adult relationship. I was raped at 11 by a family member. I have had problems with flashbacks and my husband could care less. He gets mad at me over it. OM helped me through this.......he cares. because he is my friend. I know I am not being fair to my H. I do not hate him, I just do not like him. I do not want to be 80 years old, alone with my H, kids gone, and hate him. I want to just be happy. I want to be able to come home without knots in my stomach. I want to go to bed and wake up with someone who is smiling at me. <P>My affair is not right, but I am too weak to stop. I need him. I spend a lot of time in prayer over this. Maybe God brought me here to hear what you have to say......I do not know. But I know our pathes crossed for some reason. OM and myself. ANd I thank God for him everyday. I pray for his family including his wife. I am not this awful person. I am very kind to most everyone. Never get mad, just hurt. <BR>I do avoid conflict....it makes me sick to fight.<BR>Thanks again,<BR>

inloveonline:<P>I didn't think that I had been yelling at you (at least until recently). Please forgive me---but remember that this is a forum to help troubled marriages, and since you posted here, I assumed that you wanted help to save your marriage, not support to have an affair.<P>You've helped illuminate the situation by actually communicating how serious the abuse is. You only hinted at it before. You do need a separation. You should have a plan in place, and execute it when you have the opportunity. If you're worried about not having an opportunity, you should prepare to leave with the help of your local law enforcement people. There are ways that they can help you.<P>Dr. Harley has Q&A's concerning abusive relationships. His recommendation would be for you to leave. Your husband would need to get professional help to deal with his abusive behavior before you would work on the marital issues. And it's a tough road---success isn't common, and it's very draining on the spouse.<P>I do wish you the best. I hope that you and your children stay safe. I hope that you find a real, permanent happiness---I don't believe that this will be through your OM, but you know my thoughts there. Try leaning on your family more, and your OM less.

I'm sorry you got "yelled at" here. There's alot of assuming going on and if posters would take a second and read, they would have known you said you were threatened with being murdered a l-o-n-g time ago and you stated it very clearly. <P>What's that saying? Something about "seek first to understand before being trying to be understood"? Well, it applies to all relationships, either face to face or online message boards. <P>Frankly I'm embarrassed to read all the name calling that you got - childish, immoral slut, naive, lying, deceitful, needy, selfish, narcissistic, living in a fantasy, and on and on. If words were stones....<P>Can we all let this be a lesson to us? This is a SUPPORT BOARD. If someone would rather throw a stone than offer a shoulder, then maybe it's time for that person to start helping at the SPCA or the battered women's shelter and leave the people who are seeking solace here alone!!!<P>If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. <P>Back to you inloveonline, be safe little one - my prayers are with you and your children. Be strong and smart and know that God is with you. <BR> <P><BR>

Heyyyyyy....I'M a blonde....<P><putting up my dukes> Not.<P>------------------<BR>Laura<P>"I cannot care a little for you. I love you only just enough to love you all the way."~~Rod McKuen<BR>

inloveonline,<BR> Back to your original question,about age difference.I read somewhere that a man who marries a woman 10 years or younger than him,has a riskier chance of the relationship not lasting,and it's usually the woman that initiates the divorce.They did'nt go into depth as to why,but I can give you an example.A woman where I work married a man about 15 years older when she was 24.Now she is 45 and her husband is 60.He retired and she still worked.He wanted to kick back and take life easy,she wanted to still go hiking,camping,dancing,etc.She told me he was boring,and was tired a lot.She took up with a man closer to her age that liked to do the things she did.Was'nt too much later that she had a new last name.She left her H for a younger man.A pretty good example of the above statistic,you think.Just something for you to think about.Also,why did OM's wife kick him out,and not want him?Is there something he's not telling you? Open your mind to all the possibilities.<BR> --Murph

Thank you for the story about your co-worker and her older man. I will keep it in mind.<P>K,<BR>I want you to know that I respect you, and the kindness you have shown your wife, and me.<BR>I do not really know why I do not leave. I have all the reasons to. Again, I am just scared to be on my own. I am afraid of supporting my boys on my own. I know this sounds shallow, but my boys would probably have to give up the only home they have ever known, the king size german shepherd puppy. There life would be so different for them. I really think my husband would be upset with me leaving. He does not know how to love someone, but is not willing to learn either. I feel so stupid sometimes letting him talk to me the way he does....but if I fight back he just yells louder. I do not want the boys to see him act like this. I worry about the boys grades, will they drop if I leave him. My brother-n-law is a policeman,,,,so when I am ready to go, I will have him help me. I had all these dreams as a kid....who I would be, what type of man I would marry. How I would live, guess what, this is not it. I know I am the only person who can change it, but how? <BR>You are forgiven, and I was just teasing about the yelling thing.<BR>Husband is probably all talk, he comes from a wierd family. Sometimes, I wish he would meet someone and leave me. Does that make sense? I have no idea what to think about myself anymore. I am not very happy with the person looking back in the mirror anymore. My OM told me one time that he sees me as someone who has to sit in the front of the roller coaster and hold on so tight, so I do not fall out. He advices me to sit back and watch the ride, from the middle! He sometimes does not make much sense! All I know is that he makes me smile, even laugh outloud.<P><BR>His wife pushed him out because she said he was always right, (and he is!!, but I find it kind of cute), that she just fell out of love with him. I think she has someone, but would not tell him that. NOt that he would care. But he needs to come to that conclusion on his own. <P>I am not a bad person, just a person doing some bad things. Guess that is pretty lame! K, how old are you? And what is your profession? Just curious!<P>Thank you all,<BR>from the bottom of my heart.<BR>May God bless you all and keep you happy.

inloveonline:<P>Another thing that you say makes perfect sense (and I heard it too): "I wish HE would find someone and leave". The reason for that is that you don't want to have to make hard decisions (the old conflict-avoidance). Again, almost every "betrayer" that's deeply involved in their affair says this. Do try to read "Surviving an Affair" and try to step out of your situation and view it objectively.<P>I think you're right about your husband. He's going to be upset when you leave. I bet he loves you, and doesn't have a clue to how bad the marriage is. He may or may not be capable of changing his behaviors, but if you want to try, Steve Harley is the best.<P>On your OM: "He's always right..." Gee, so was I (surprise, surprise)! You'll find that this wears thin after a while, especially if it's expressed as disrespectful judgements. Read up on lovebusters, and observe how your OM behaves in this category.<P>I'm in my late 30's, and I'm a scientist and manager in the pharmaceutical industry. I can be painfully analytical at times, but (believe it or not) my people skills are reported to be very good.<P>Again, I hope that you can take care of yourself, and I worry about you spending too much time in the "fence-sitting" stage that you're in. You're probably building up huge resentments in your husband, and because he doesn't understand the root of the problems, his reactions will probably just make it worse for you and him and the kids. Again, I always believe in honesty.<P>God bless.<BR>

Karma, Karma, Karma... (I'm Boy George in disguise... )<P>I have a couple issues with you here. Yes, this is a SUPPORT board, but it's not a support board for self-destructive behavior. Now you may not see affairs as self-destructive, but most people do. <P>If I posted here that I wanted to murder my spouse, you wouldn't give me support. So remember---this is a support board for MARRIAGES.<P>I also wonder about your reading skills: the only reference I found to a murder threat was here (my old eyes might have missed something, but...)<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If my husband found out, or if I told him, I would end up dead. and that is not a joke that is the real story.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>That's not a real threat of murder. That's a supposition by a cheating spouse.<P>And I know for a fact that the immoral slut comment was from me, where I said:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>This isn't because we're against you, or that we think you're some immoral slut.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I believe that this should have been interpreted as inloveonline is not an immoral slut...<P>I don't think of the advice given here as stone throwing. Most of the descriptions were accurate. And hey---I've volunteered time at SPCA's, homeless shelters, and other organizations. You need to realize that while support "feels good", if you support self-destructive behavior, you're aiding and abetting the problem. And as far as understanding; I've got a pretty good perspective... inloveonline could have been my wife. I certainly can identify with her husband. That's where this advice comes from---I HAVE been here, and done this.

INLOVEONLINE,<BR>Please take what I'm about to say in the love that Jesus has for you because that is how I hope it will come across.<P>Love is a decision to be committed to the other person. You said in your bio that you have never been in love with your H. I know that the in love feeling is far over rated. We believe in the in love feeling because it is written about in romance novels and portrayed so eloquently on the big (movie) and little (tv) screens. However, Jesus did not experience any good feeling when He was dying on the cross for ALL OF OUR SINS, mine included. Though I respect your choice to acheive happiness, I disagree lovingly with your definition. I see your definition as the one defined by the world. It differes greatly from God's definition of love. If God had to feel good about loving us do you think He would love us. Definitely not because for all the reasons you are wanting to leave your H, God could easily do the same to ALL OF US. We do nothing that pleases Him. The only time we please Him is when we do is will which is almost never.<P>I am saying these things to you because you said that you are a Christian. Christians do God's will. Jesus did His Father's will even though He asked that the cup (going to the cross) could be lifted from Him. However, He died on the cross that we all might have eternal life. I am not saying that your leaving your H will keep you from going to heaven. I am saying that what you are doing is not God's will. God wants you to be an example for ALL, including your H, to see. God wants His light to shine through you. Please examine your actions through God's eyes. Give it to Him and He will givve you peace because His yoke is easy and His burden is light.<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

I was not calling you a flusy. My reply was in response to your statement that God sent om to you. Not to compare your situation with mine. Yes, there are some simularities and maybe in some way I am trying to warn you that you may not get what you think you going to in the end. You reap what you sow.If you were truly looking to God as you claim you were, you would realize it is never his will to hurt others. (You are hurting your children, your h. the om family)-even if you believe you are justified in repaying evil for evil-that is never God's way. If you want the blessing of God tell om that you want no contact with him until you are both out of your marriages. Think of it as remaining a virgin until your wedding night. If it is true love, it will survive and it will be better because it will be wrought upon doing the right thing. True love, however, is not something that makes us feel good (otherwise I would still not love my h.). True love is something you continue to feel and choose to give even when a arrow of excruciating pain peirces you heart. True love is an act of self sacrifice that bares up and continues to be given for the good of the other even when it doesn't feel good. Hence, if you believe you and om have this love it will hold up even if you seperate for the purposes of doing what is right-do it for the good of each other. I'm sure you don't want a relationship built on lies, secrecy and deception, do you? If you do, you will must surely get it but it probably won't be what you had hoped.<BR>My h. has been telling me for years that I'm his best friend. He continues to say it even after he confessed to me. Hence,according to his definition, being his best friends isn't enough. I know my h. is confused and holds a lot of anger against me right now. I am not comparing my relationship to yours. I'm just trying to warn you that its so easy to decieve ourselves. The Bible implies that he that troubles his own household will live to regret it and that he who chooses to commmit adultery might as well put a knife to his own throat. I'm sorry if I come off as angry when I hear someone say that God is participating in the 'affair' because that is what my h. told me. At first, I believed him. I went through hell thinking that God must not love me like he loves my h. Through the help of a counselor, two pastors, my mother in law and God himself I now know without doubt that my h. decieved himself in order to make himself feel better about a situation that was wrong. Just like when I hear you say it I know you are decieving yourself. God cannot contradict himself. I'm not judging you- just the statement you made.

To all ..........<P> Yes adultry might not be right in Gods eyes. But I know he put us here to be happy also. I disagree with the feeling in love some of you said is not always there. Well yes it should be at least feel it. If you feel empty for that other person and have to try and force feelings that are not there then your not in love. We are only human people. God does forgive. I really believe now he does listen to our prayers. Because I have prayed for 2 years and finally got mine answered. I know you all think the grass is not greener on the other side. But its got to be better then living in a defensive house when you have to watch everything you say and do.

Wonder: If you feel empty and have tried forcing feelings that aren't there, it's time to leave. You don't chase happiness elsewhere while staying in the same "empty" relationship.

Crstille..........<P> Well no kidding. What ya think I am stupid here. He is leaving and we are going to file. And you don't have to chase feelings elsewhere sometimes God brings them to you. And thats what he did for me. Ya know sometimes fate works in mysterious ways and in my heart I feel there are reasons why we meet certain people. I have found my love when was not even looking. HUMMMM wonder if its really true bout good things come when you least expect it. Or don't you believe in fate. Thats what my letter meant.

Please don't be offended when I say that in love is not the highest form of love. When Jesus died on the cross for US ALL, He loved us with the love that can only come from God. It is unconditional. The emotion in love is always conditional and falls short of the love that everyone is seeking. The love that everyone is seeking can only be found in God. We look for the never ending love that wants to feel good. God did NOT make emotions to be perpetual. That is why we are not angry or sad all the time. He made those feelings as well. Do you want to feel those emotions eternally as well. Please see that God's love is unconditional and that is what we all seek. Once we have that love we want our spouse's, children, friends, and yes even our enemies to experience His love. Once we receive His love we have perfect peace even in the midst of the storm.<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by professorg (edited August 23, 1999).]

Wonder: <P>Actually no, I don't believe in fate.<P>Just a thought -- if you've solved your marital problem and are going to be with your online love, what are you still doing here?