I have read many articles and responses on this web site. Though I don't see my exact problem, I see many problems with a lot of similarity (similar causes and issues). My problem is that my wife decided she didn't love me the way she should. She seems to think that she never did and shouldn't have married me. She thinks that the emotional needs I'm not meeting may be met by a past relationship. She also believes that this past relationship may have been the root of all of the problems. If you ask my wife If I'm a good husband she'll say yes, and that I give her everything she needs except that she doesn't feel the emotional attachment she thinks is necessary for a marriage. We are going to a therapist very soon, but in the meantime I'm worried. I believe that she has been happy and satisfied with our marriage in the past, and I think that since her feelings of unhappiness have surfaced, she wants to cast those feelings "of I don't love you anymore" back on every bad time or every doubt she ever had (hence the reason she thinks we never should have married). All of that has created a mood that there is no hope, that there is nothing to do to save the marriage. I have hope and I see that there are people with problems similar(maybe even worse or more complex) that have been worked out. I want her to at least have some hope that everything will be allright. Everything I want to talk about she becomes defensive toward. I'm scared that she won't be open even to the therapy we will receive soon. I'm also scared that she might go to her ex-lover for those emotional needs to be met in the meantime, and I think that is one of the worst things she can do. Any ideas?

Bridger,<BR>I don't really have any advice. But I hope someone does for you soon as I am in a very similar boat. Is she old enough to be having a midlife crisis?

She may have already. In my parent's day, they used to describe these things by saying "someone is interfering in the marriage." I wouldn't confront her unless you know it's true, because this is not the sort of thing you can presume without evidence. But it wouldn't hurt to keep one eye open.<P>My girlfriend is of the opinion that women don't say things like "I don't think I love you the way I should love you" unless they already know what "the way I should love you" feels like. This would imply that she feels that way for someone else already, or at least has in the past. But if it was in the past, then why in the heck did she marry you instead of him?<BR>

Bridger:<P>Your situation sounds alot like mine. My wife also says that she has lost feelings for me but doesn't know why. Like your wife mine says that I am a good husband, father, provider, friend etc, etc. She just doesn't know why she lost her love for me. She has been seeing a therapist for six months now. Unfortuanatly her feelings haven't come back. Bridger, don't get your hopes up to the point where you think the therapist is going to hand you a magic pill and everything will be ok. I did just that and here I am six months later with the same broken heart. I still have hopes that she will find love for me once again. Never give up hope. Hang in there.<P>Kevin