For more info on my situation, please see my post below re: Husband giving son alcohol.<BR>We are now going to be in an ugly custody battle over my son. Please pray for my son and I. He is very angry at me for letting the police arrest his father for abusing me. I am having a very, very hard time dealing with all of this. I feel lost, like my world is upside down. I go to work and am ok, but come home and cry. I don't why but I think its because I feel like I've thrown away my life on someone who did not love me, or ever cared about me. Even through all of his alcoholic stupors, I loved my husband and cared about him. In the back of my mind, I always remembered the time of our marriage when he was sober (4 years) and prayed and prayed for things to be that way again. It never happened. I'm still praying, but now I'm praying for God to remove the pain from my heart. I am devastated over all of this. Please pray for me. . . . I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown soon.

I'm so sorry for your pain and tears, sister. <P>This is gonna be a testing time for you, and if you believe that you're intelligent and strong and capable you will be just fine. You haven't wasted 17 years of your life, you were busy being intelligent, strong and capable! I know you feel like you're an idiot on the edge of a nervous breakdown but that's not true and it isn't going to happen. <P>Just from reading your posts you showed you were running a household, raising a child, holding down a job, and tending to an alcoholic H - cooking, cleaning, laying out fresh clothes on and on and on. OMGosh! You must be some kind of Superwoman to be able to do all that!!! You are the embodiment of strength, capability and wisdom. <P>Most importantly go into this temporary phase of your life with FAITH that their is a Divine Plan for you and you will be lifted up from this and an even better person in the end for having gone thru it. <P>I have prayed for you and you will be ok. <BR>

Alcoholic's wife:<P>I'll keep you in my prayers. You haven't wasted your life---I'm sure that your husband loved you; he has an illness that compromises his ability to have a loving, giving relationship. Your son is upset at the situation, but he's unlikely to stay upset at you. It's a difficult and terrifying time, but you will get through it.<P>Take care of yourself---get a good support network in place. You'll find as you aren't dealing with your husband, your load will be much lighter. The pain will recede, and you'll realize how strong you have been.<P>God bless.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. You are right, my load is lighter without him. My life is so mixed up right now, I can't seem to eat or sleep. My dreams are full of memories of the time in our marriage when he was sober. Why is that? <BR>I pray continuously for my son to get over his anger and bitterness towards me. I'm trying to find him fun things to do to keep his mind off the situation. I requested my attorney set up special visitation for right now so my son can see his dad (we have not been to court yet). They have their first visit since the incident on Tuesday. Please pray it goes well. <BR>What really scares me is that my H is determined to destroy me, emotionally and financially. He wants my son, my home, and my money. I am terrified I'll be left with nothing. I have worked so very hard over the years to keep our home when my H was not working or hardly making enough to pay a portion of the bills. I've always had a good, stable job. He tells our friends he has declared war on me and will take everything. I took great care of him for all these years, and this is the thanks I get. Please please please ask the Lord to be with me through all of this. I am beside myself with grief. Thank you for being there. I have to talk to someone about this and I think I've talked about it so much to my best friend that she doesn't want to hear anymore. Please pray that my son will be ok and lose his anger towards me. <BR>Thank you all.

Dear AW,<P>You need a support network right now, I would suggest you find an Alanon meeting if possible. You will find people who have been through what you are going through right now, people who want to be there for you.<P>Try www.alcoholismhelp.com for information and resources and a discussion board like this.<P>Take care, you are in my prayers.

AW,<P>I agree with yy...please find a support group that you can get into...draw in your resources, family, friends, church...I will certainly pray for you. Ask your attorney how strong your case is...do not be discouraged. There is a sowing and reaping principle that occurs in the universe...you've been sowing love and care for a long time, it's going to come to you as well. When you are feeling the lowest, don't isolate...call someone to talk to them, and if you can't call...come here and post, one of us will pick up on it asap!!<P>You've made some wise choices...and you are going to get to the other side of the pain. Are you in counseling right now? It might help. Your son is going to need some counseling, and perhaps the counselor can help your son sort out his feelings. We've taken our teenager for counseling several times and it really did help him.<P>I'm going to try and follow you more than I have...you will be in my prayers. <P>God love you and keep you in His arms!<P>Ramy

Ramy and others,<BR>Thank you for your posts. It has been such a help to me to hear from you. I have been attending Al-Anon meetings and counseling sessions. I start group therapy at the battered women's center on Monday. Talking to others that have been in the same situation helps. My son is still angry at me. He's now in counseling too, but it is too soon to see any results. If only his Dad would have gotten counseling or gone to AA a long time ago, we wouldn't be in this position now. I still have a terrible nervous stomach about everything. I have had no contact with H. We go to court next week -- I am petrified about this. My atty. thinks everything will turn out ok. I have to trust the atty. on this stuff because I have no idea what to do. <BR>My son has been in contact with H though. It helped him to feel better about the situation. Son is still very confused and angry about everything. Still blames me for sending his dad to jail. I'm hoping the counselor can help him see that my H sent himself to jail by beating on me. <BR>I'm ok during the week when I'm at work, but the weekends are horrible. I cry at the drop of a hat. I can't sit inside the house, if I do, I get depressed and anxious. The only thing that seems to help me is prayer. Church helps too, along with spending time with friends away from the house. <BR>I guess I have finally realized my marriage is over. Its really, really difficult to accept. 17 years is a long time, and I'm having a hard time releasing the few happy memories I have of H. I dream about him. It drives me crazy. But I have to somehow find a way to erase his memory from my mind. If only my mind was a computer, I could FDISK it and get rid of all the old memories. How do you ever get over the hurt, pain, rejection, feelings of loss? I think back on what's happened over the past years and think to myself I must have been a total idiot to stay with him so long and use me as a doormat. Never again. <BR>Please keep my family in your prayers. You all are in mine. I thank God for letting me find this site. Its been a lifesaver for me.<BR>

AW,<P>You are going to be OK. Stick with Alanon, they'll help you learn to let go of the past, and to stop beating yourself up over it. The past is the past, you did your best with the knowledge you had at the time. Mark this day... in a year look back and see how you've grown. You'll be OK.<P>