Late last night, I was watching TV with my SO of over 4 years when he got a phone call; he sounded delighted to hear from (whomever) and I heard him say, "Nothing; just sitting on the couch watching TV; what are YOU doing?" (not "watching TV w/ my SO). They chatted animatedly for about 5 minutes (couldn't make out what they were saying), then he tells me he got off, saying he was "busy." Upon questioning, I learned that it was a single woman who lives nearby whom he'd recently met again at a high school reunion (I didn't attend). I was very hurt and angry, as it seems to me that if he were committed to our relationship, he would have met her obvious "approach" with the news that he's involved with someone (I recently responded to a similar show of interest from a man with the unequivocal news that I'm in a long-term relationship and not available). Upon further questioning, he revealed that when they "caught up" at the reunion, he told her he was "seeing someone, but we fight a lot lately." That's true, but this sort of thing isn't helping. Do I have reason to worry? <BR>

Yes, I'd be worried if I were you. The fact that he even mentions anything personal about your relationship (fighting a lot), shows that he is interested in her and encouraging her. My question to you. Why no committment between the two of you? 4 years is a long time to be living together with no future committment. Is it him that doesn't want the ring and the date?

I think the important question here is not "who he was talking to on the phone?" or "what did he tell her about his love life?", but "how does he feel about you?". I can understand your concern. I think you need to have a heart to heart with your SO about your relationship and the future of your relationship. I would try to avoid bringing other people into the discussion. If he is in love with you and you have a good relationship, then it doesn't matter what he tells other women, because you are the one he wants to be with.<P>I agree that if you are in a good relationship, you will usually let a single member of the opposite sex know that up front. However I have also been in the situation where you don't want to offend someone by blurting out "I have a girlfriend!" Sometimes the other person's response is something like "well I only came over here to talk to you, not to hook up with you." Just another spin on things.<P>I hope this helps. Take good care.<P>Myra

My take on it is there's reason to be concerned. I gather you don't actually live together, and 4 years into the relationship. It sounds to me like he's keeping his options open. You admitted that you fight a lot. <P>You have two options at this point. Tell him as nicely as possible that the phone call bothered you, and why. See if you can come to some agreement on how you both should handle interest from other people. Also, read up on how to diffuse disagreements before they become fights. This may be the reason your relationship hasn't progressed forward, if indeed that is what you want. He may be "gun shy."<P>Or, if he wants to keep HIS options open, yours are obviously open too. You might want to reconsider letting that other man know you may be more available than you originally thought. <P>Good luck!<P>------------------<BR>Laura<P>"I cannot care a little for you. I love you only just enough to love you all the way."~~Rod McKuen<BR>