My H told me 1 1/2 mo ago he wanted a divorce. We have 2 small children and I did not want this at all! I have stayed and put up with allot from him, and for him to say he wanted a divorce came as a huge shock. My children and I moved and and it took him almost a month to come visit his kids. Finally he came and he saw how well i was taking care of the children and myself. And I told him flat Out I did not want a divorce. That I was not giving up. He told me there was no hope and to get that out of my mind.<BR>He came back to see kids one week later. And could not leave me alone. By the end of the day he told me he did not want a divorce and we would work things out. After allot of talking he even stayed the night. TO SLEEP ONLY!!! He said he did not want to ever be unhappy again so he really wanted to get things right this time. Well my dilema is he does not think we should live together till we work it all out. Well what about the kids. We only see eachother once a week he never calls. So on this short time we are supposed to work all this out. I hate where I am and miss him, he says he misses me. Well if he did he would not be putting the kids and I through all this. He has left me with every bit of pain the kids have. While he is freee to do what ever he wants. i do feel very bitter but I cannot tell him this or he might back right back out of this. Isn't it wrong to live apart? I am so confused. HELP>

First off I hope your in counselling together?<BR>But as far as seperations go, I cannot speak from my own experience but I do know that sometimes they do help. actually, I was watching an old WW2 doc and thinking about how often married couples were forced to be seperated in the past (by war, job needs, hunting, etc.. etc... back to Ugh the cave man) The divorce rate has increased sense those times. Maybe those seperation periods were helpful to some marriages (though I doubt it but its a hypothesis) On a more real level, the women who cuts my hair just ended her seperation with she and her husband reunited and they never went to counselling. So it might work.<BR>Have you considered twin beds or seperate bedrooms for a while? Or is there a room your husband could use for a "den?" He might just want his space.<BR>And as for the kids...they want their daddy. And that should be you and your husbands first concern. Has he seen the latest studies and ads on TV/radio about the impact of the father not being home (in the same house) has on the kids. Try the twin beds idea and if anyone asks tell them you needed more support And if that doesn't work tell lie and say, "Oh we just couldn't get through the night without having too much sex and we don't want an accident. Now we pull those beds together once a week. " Then give them a big smile Hey maybe it'll work. Abe Lincoln and his wife had a lot of problems, but they always loved each other AND they had seperate bedrooms! And funny thing Lincoln never hired an interns

Hi Kam,<BR>Well at least you got me to laugh!!!!!!!!! <BR>Thank you!

Glad I could help <BR>Actually, would you believe that a smile is a woman's sexiest feature for the majority of men. I was even talking to a guy who works at a all nude exotic bar (This is true) and he was saying that the girls with the best "bodies" are not the ones who get the most tips from the men or get the most interest ffrom the men. It's the girls who smile and can laugh. See us guys do look above the colar bone At least for a second or two Seriously, I think a lot of the women I know including my wife don't believe that men love a smile, and a sense of humor more than anything. And sadly, I see so few women smiling nowadays, from stress, worry or whatever. And if you still don't believe me about the smile think of Julia Roberts. Not exactly known for her nude scenes (and what few are really body doubles) hmm but guys love her and I haven't met a guy yet who doesn't think of her as Pretty Woman aka fantasy babe <BR>So...keep smiling, laugh and who knows it may help your husband want to stay around more. Actually, even Monica tends to smile more than Hillary. She's always so serious.<BR>And then look at the Mona Lisa talk about ugly, yet everyone talks of how sultry and sexy and beautiful she is. Hmm and have you ever seen a picture of what Cleopatra really looked like!(Believe it or not there are pictures and statues and yuck!)Helen of Troy had a face that launched a thousand ships but Cleopatra she sunk them. But she was known for her smile and sense of humor.<BR>Maybe marriage counselors should teach us some good jokes and not all those silly communication techniques us guys just pretend to find "helpful" <BR>Good Luck <P>