Last October I went on the pill. Shortly afterwards I completely lost my sex drive and began having painful intercourse...My new husband (we tied the knot last april)is very supportive and didnt pressure me in the least even when he was obviously sexually fusterated.... Anyways to make a long story short I went off the pill last May (they kept giving me lower dosage of birthcontrol pill until I gave up on it). I now have a little sex drive but not nearly as much as I used to before going on the pill. I miss how sexual I used to be. Now I feel so tense when we get physical and find it almost impossible to relax and let go.<BR>I am so paranoid of having kids. Roy has offered several times to have a vasectomy. I am considering seriously looking into it with him. It would make me feel relieved (I am allergic to spermicide and the condom alone is too risky conscerning chances of pregnancy).<BR>But there are a few things that I am concerned about as far as vasectomies go:<BR>~I am only 19 and he is 27. Neither of us have kids- would the doctors even agree to do the surgery?<BR>~Someday in perhaps 10 years there is a small chance we might want kids. I rather doubt it as I have always wanted to adopt.<BR>~we cant afford counselling (not to mention the surgery!) right now and dont have time for it- I am working part time and going to school part time and about to graduate with my first associate of arts next semester (I started college young). Roy is working 50+ hours a week. <BR>No insurance coverage till after christmas.<BR>What do we do in the mean time? I find it so hard to relax and just be sexual. I am afraid of letting my control go and enjoying myself...<BR>Please help,<BR>thanks<BR>Jess<P><P>------------------<BR>No god, no peace; know god, know peace.<BR>

Hi HoneyPuff,<P>OK, I had some similar problems with the pill during the first months of my marriage and soon stopped taking it. We went to condoms and sperm. and low and behold one broke after we had been married almost 2 years (I conceived our first daughter.) and we were having infrequent sex at that (fertile turtle I am). This is not meant to scare you, but it does show that condoms are not foolproof.<P>K, so now you need some basic info on birth control options. Please either go to your doctor, or call & visit planned parenthood and surf the net for additional birth control option information.<P>As to your questions about vasectomy...<P>My H had one after our third child almost 6 years ago. I would think that if you had information backing you up about other birth control methods which you either could not or did not want to use and talked to your H's doctor about vasectomy that they would not be able to refuse doing the surgery. They would make sure that you had researched all of the other options first though so do your homework.<P>Vasectomy IS reversible, but I am sure there are cases where it has not worked. Talk to someone about this and research it.<P>Ummm, you said that you could not afford counselling and don't have time for it. First I understand about finances, but if you want a good marriage, you have to make time for your marriage. It sounds like with you working and going to school and your H working 50+ hours a week that you do not have much time to spend together. You might want to work on this and change your priorities a bit where you can to make more time for your marriage.<P>As for interim birth control until you can afford the vasectomy (if you research it and decide to do it), Planned Parenthood should be able to let you know about new and older alternative birth control methods if you ask for information about them.<P>As for you finding it hard to relax and just be sexual, etc., maybe it would help for you and your H to spend some quality time learning about both of your sexual selves. Reading of Dr. Harley's recommended books: Intended for Pleasure by Dr. Wheat, could help you both learn a lot if you can open up and discuss things with each other. I found Intended for Pleasure at my local library so I am sure you could probably find it at yours or through interlibrary loan.<P>Hope this helps and let us know what happens. <P>Hugz and prayers,<BR>Thoughtful

I am 44 and do not have children (by choice), so I will tell you that you CAN live a fulfilling life without them.<P>However, I would be VERY leery of having sterilization surgery at your young age. You might change your mind. You might not; I've always known I didn't want children, but I did have the option available to me.<P>One method of contraception that is rarely talked about anymore, but that dates back to the turn of the century and earlier, is the diaphragm. You use it in conjunction with spermicidal jelly. I have used one for 22 years and have NEVER ONCE HAD A PROBLEM OR ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCY. When used properly, it is highly effective.<P>For whom is the diaphragm NOT a good method?<P>- If you feel you do not want to have to "remember" to use it, it's not for you. It can be inserted up to 6 hours beforehand, but it won't protect you if it's sitting in the medicine cabinet.<P>- If your H can go several times a night (in which case I envy you ), it may not be for you because you have to use more jelly each time without taking it out. This might be too interruptive for you.<P>- If oral sex is part of your activity (in which case I also envy you ), your H might not like to deal with the jelly.<P>- If you can't be bothered checking it for pinholes, rubber deterioration, etc. every time, it might not be for you.<P>Good things about the diaphragm: <P>1) It's hormone-free. If neither you nor your H has an allergy to rubber, you shouldn't have a problem. Also, no side-effects.<P>2) It's a barrier method, so the anti birth control nuts screaming about abortifacients can't complain.<P>3) It makes sex during your period a LOT less messy (think about it.)<P>4) It's completely reversible. If you decide you want a baby, you just stop using it.<P>5) The jelly acts as a lubricant, which should help your pain problem.<P>Ask your doctor about it. It does require some dedication, but when used properly, it is HIGHLY effective.<P>I wouldn't use anything else.<P>I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have.<P>

HoneyPuff...<P>my fiancee and I are have intimacy problems right now (her disinterest and mood swings), and she started using the pill the start of August. Mind if I ask what pill you're taking, if it matters? do all versions of the pill have the same or similiar side effects? Thanks.

Hi,<P>In my first post, I did not give examples of what birth control to use is because HoneyPuff said: "I am allergic to spermicide".<P>Granted all spermicides are not the same or equal, I guess, but it is important to get all of the options from a trained professional thus Planned Parenthood and the net (if she could not afford a Dr. visit) or her doctor (if she could afford it).<P>Hugz and prayers,<BR>Thoughtful

Hi mathias,<P>Prior to marriage I was on a low dose pill and had no problems. Right before I got married, I went to a new Dr. and got a different prescription. I had wanted to be on the same one. Anyway,...<P>Your fiancee should check with her Dr. if the side effects she is feeling might be caused by the pill. They can change her prescription.<P>It is good to cover all bases too. You should probably talk with her about her feelings about intimacy also and see if anything else could be causing her mood swings and disinterest.<P>Hugz and prayers,<BR>Thoughtful

Thanks for the replys.<BR>Since Roy and I are on the same shift we do spend alot of time our spare time together. I go to school during the day and am trying to find a more satisfying job. I cant seem to learn how to drive a stick shift! I also feel nervous about going to a counsellor (his insurance kicks in after christmas and that would pay for counselling).... <BR>I have tried the diaghram and was serverly allergic to the spermicide (I itched for a week after every time I used it!- same goes for everything else with spermicide in it so far...).<BR>Mathias: I have done alot of research on the pill and it seems that the mini-pill has the least emotional side effects but it also can cause spotting between peroids and is not quite as effective as the regular pill and must be taken at exactly the same time each day. I was on Orthotrycyclen during our engagement and started having side effects- I got on a wedding planning message board and heard alot of women had similiar side effects on ortho. It is probably the most prescribed brand of birth control pill... But anyways I switched to a much lower dose on Levlin (which is not triphasic- 3 separate dosages for each time of the month like Orthotrycyclen was) and my mood swings did go away. I still had a low sex drive though.<BR>I was dissappointed in the Planned Parenthood here- they seemed to think that loss of sex drive was a minor thing and did not put me on the lowest dosage pill as I requested after I got off ortho. I think it was because I am a teenager and if they did put me on the lowest dosage pill I would have to take it at the same time all the time and teenagers are not known for being responsible.... The dr even told me "we generally dont prescribe the mini pill or low dosage pills to teenagers"....<BR>But still with the way it is now it is 100 percent better than when I was on the pill... now if I only didnt react to spermicide!<BR>Anyone know of any other birth control options that are effective? I did a search and it seems like there is only depo provera or the shot which have the same chemicals as the pill does...<BR>Thanks,<BR>Jessie<P>------------------<BR>No god, no peace; know god, know peace.<BR>

PS; Dazed and confused= can I email you?

thanks, thoughtful...<P>We have talked about her disinterest and mood swings, and we believe it is mainly due to the pill. She has had phases of disinterest and mood swings before this, but not as intense and prolonged. She had an eating disorder, and we think a lot of this, although not the intensity, is due to that and the mental problems assoc. with such. Will her body get used to the pill, or will she remain like this until she gets a lower dosage or something new? again, thanks.<P>mt<BR>

Honeypuff:<P>Yah...filmgeek55@hotmail.com