I found my wife having telephone sex. She told me that she never had sexual orgasmi since we got married. I am shocked.<BR>I am not quite sure what to do anymore.<p>[This message has been edited by HHH (edited September 19, 1999).]

HHH--<P>I assume this means your W can achieve orgasm by clitoral stimulation? You may want to try either introducing or sharing with her the use of a vibrator or other sexual aids. And there's always oral sex and fingers. If you can help her achieve clitoral orgasm and then have intercourse, she may be able to distinguish the differences and similarities in orgasms. To me, the pleasure produced by clitoral stimulation and actual insertion feel different although I certainly like both experiences. A woman's body is more like a slow cooker but often we're able to have multiple orgasms once our passion truly engages. I always prefer with H's help to include clitoral orgasm during our interludes, whether I achieve the actual deeper and stronger internal orgasm or not. I usually do exp. the internal and it seems to happen more easily after clitoral satisfaction. In a way, it feels like my body is more primed TO have an orgasm that way after the other, if that makes any sense?<P>Experiment with different positions--one where she is able to stimulate herself clitorally by masturbating DURING intercourse (or maybe using a sex aid such as a "butterfly?"--I have not tried this myself but seems intriguing, like a vibrator but more flat, strapped and centered on the clitoris--I'm guessing this can be used either while she is in a prone position or rear entry). Let her guide you with what feels good to her. Your control and including different positions may help greatly. Anal stimulation during vaginal intercourse may spark orgasmic release (try reaching underneath her and gently rubbing or inserting with a moistened finger; go no further or faster than she wants, this isn't everyone's cup of tea).<P>About the phone sex...I had phone sex myself a few times before my recent marriage. I tired of it quickly and chalk it up to a phase. Just something new, and merely taking masturbation to a little bit higher level. The intimacy of your W having phone sex with someone else is disturbing, in that she is looking elsewhere for an unmet need. I can understand your feelings. But, there IS a positive...it is an indication that she responds to verbal attention. You may want to try wooing her while making love by talking, letting her know your desire for her with sounds of your enjoyment. Or weave a fantasy (phone sex typically includes setting the scene, can be a romantic tone to it--candles, undressing slowly/sensually, music, eye contact). I really enjoy shared fantasies talked aloud during sex. My H and I can raise our response levels to each other wonderfully that way, and the fantasy can be as romantic, or as energizingly erotic or just plain hotly sexual as we want in the moment. Ask your W which she thinks might be more helpful. If she's shy or unsure which she'd like, her response level as you initiate will help you gauge. Men tend to be less verbally inclined during sex than a woman might wish. Hearing your voice urging her on might be just what she needs.<P>I hope these suggestions help? Good luck to you. It's great to know there are husbands out there willing to learn more about making their wives happy. I'm hoping it will become a happy situation for you both!<P>------------------<BR>Laura<P>"I cannot care a little for you. I love you only just enough to love you all the way."~~Rod McKuen<BR>

Thank you for your response.<BR>I edited my first question by mistake.<BR>She complains pain when I tried to stimulated her clitorial area.<BR>I think my techniques is not right ?<BR>Is there any good book ?<P>I have this emtional struglle that she will call for telephone sex again and having diffuculty overcoming this.

Can anyone recommend any technique books for HHH?<P>The clitoris is very sensitive. It would be best if your wife guides you by telling or showing you what stimulation she enjoys. Men tend to zero in on the obvious erogenous zones and ignore the others...could be the nape of her neck, the bend of her elbow, her inner thigh...you get the idea. Anticipation and just a little attention to the bosom and vaginal area, at first, is a wonderful turn on. Maybe this way, she'll be able to catch up with you. <P>Oral or manual stimulation of the clitoris--a little goes a long way. I let my H know when I want more direct pressure by lifting my hips or pulling him closer to me. Ask your wife to help you by showing you with her own hand what feels good.

You said she has pain? Try a little astroglide. Especially if she is on the pill or other medications- they can dry a woman up. <BR>I find lubricant helps to prevent pain alot....<BR>Good luck!<BR>Jess<BR>PS: I dont know what to say about the phone sex thing. I wish ya'll well though....<P>------------------<BR>No god, no peace; know god, know peace.<BR>

What is astroglide?<BR>It is always interesting to see there are people who are very intimate. The funny thing about my wife is that she probably wants to have satisfying sex but never allow me to be romantic to her. She is always uptight.

Hi HHH,<P>You and your W may be helped by reading (together) some of the books that Dr. Harley suggests in His Needs, Her Needs about sexual fulfillment. This may bring about an interest in sexual intimacy for her in more ways than she is interested now and it may also open up some other things you two may want or need to talk about. Give it a try and let us know how it goes.<P>If you need to know which books he suggests, post here and I will reply with info. I found 2 at my local library.<P>TC! Hugz, Thoughtful

The first thing I found out about clitoral stimulation is that we men tend to want to do it HARD because WE like a lot of pressure. Ease up, let her tell you when it feels good.<BR>Additionally, rear-entry positions have the potential for putting pressure on her G-Spot - she might achieve an orgasm that way.<P>The most important aspect of having an orgasm is that she be highly aroused - that happens between the ears - not the legs.<P>Good luck

Thank you for all of your thougtful answer.<BR>Please provide me with the title of the book.<P>I would also appreciate if you could read my other problem which I posted on the emtional need section. The interesting is that she still respond to my sexal need (not enough but still she does). But, I feel like her engangement in telephone sex is like infidelity. And the arousal does not happen becuase she is not emtional attached to me. I contine to be confused person.

Hi HHH,<P>Here is the title of the book that Harley recommends. I recommend it also and I will be using it to teach my daughter about sexual fulfillment.<P>Intended for Pleasure by Ed Wheat, M.D., and Gaye Wheat It is written in a Christian perspective, but I believe that it has information to offer everyone and I did not feel the Christian perspective all that much (you have to understand that I am spiritual, but not Christian perse).<P>I found it at my library, but I am considering buying a copy for my own use. You could probably get it by interlibrary loan if you cannot find it at your local library.<P>I understand what you mean about your feelings of infidelity because of the phone sex and mast., and I will read your other posts and get back to you. You can also write me directly at thoughtfulangel@cheerful.com<P>TTYS! Hugz and prayers,<BR>Thoughtful<BR>

light a few candles, sprinkle the bed sheets with rose petals and engage in just giving her pleasure. Oral sex. All over. her breats.<BR>her thighs. Get her nice and wet. Ky jelly works just as great.