Here's a neat little thing I found at http://www.divorceinfo.com that exactly puts into words what my H has been doing. I never thought of it like this before, i thought this is stuff I just had to deal with. I hope this advice can help some of you, like me, to realise what is *really* going on.<p>============================================
"Let's Get This Straight<p>I've talked to thousands of people going through divorce. One thing I've learned is how easy it is for someone who's being abused to begin to believe that it's normal, that this is supposed to be the way it is. Even if your spouse is not physically violent with you, he or she may be abusing you, and you deserve better. <p>You're a real person. You're special. You don't have to put up with abuse. So with that in mind,<p>

• Let's get this straight: It's not normal or okay for you to shove me, or hit me, or kick me, or even act like you're about to. It's abuse.
  
• Let's get this straight: It's not normal or okay for you to criticize me in front of our friends, our kids, or other members of your family or mine. It's abuse.
  
• Let's get this straight: It's not normal or okay for you to keep me in the dark about how much money you make, how much money we have, or how much debt we owe. It's abuse.
  
• Let's get this straight: It's not normal or okay for you to call me a liar when you know and I know that I'm much more truthful than you. It's abuse.
  
• Let's get this straight: It's not normal or okay for you to disappear when I'm sick or when I need you the most. It's abuse.
  
• Let's get this straight: It's not normal or okay for you to be nice to me only when you want sex. It's abuse.
  
• Let's get this straight: It's not normal or okay for you to start a screaming tantrum (or storm out of the room and refuse to talk to me) when I say something you disagree with, or when something doesn't go your way. It's abuse.
  
• Let's get this straight: It's not normal or okay for you to call me an idiot, a fool, or a *****. Or stupid. Or ignorant. It's abuse.
  
• Let's get this straight: It's not normal or okay for you to ration money to me like I'm a child who can't be trusted, yet spend money with abandon for your own toys. It's abuse.
  
• Let's get this straight: It's not normal or okay for you to disappear any time you want to with your friends (no matter which gender). It's abuse.
  
• And one other thing: when you tell me that the thing that's the matter with you is me, you're wrong. You're responsible for who you are and what you put up with. I'm responsible for who I am and what I put up with. I can choose to stop putting up with abuse. "

<p>===============================
The author of the site also recommends a book for female abuse victims called "Cutting Loose" from Ashton Applewhite.<p>To all you people out there men and women who are going through this horrible pain of divorce, my heart goes with you.<p>-A.

Avatar,
There are alot of really good websites on the net, that deal mainly with divorce..And also alot of other forums dealing with divorce. Let me know if you want some suggestions okie dokie!!
On another note i'm sorry to hear you were abused! Both mental and physical abuse can do alot of damage. I came across this prayer on a devotional website i thought you might like it...<p> O Lord, transform my stubborn heart and help me always see...That gentle, Kind and Courteous is what i ought to be.
-Anon<p>(This prayer very much applies to the way i handle things, i don't want to give in i'm stubborn)

Hi JCM
Thanks for the offer, I would like to know of other resources on the net for dealing with this. What I would really like is to find someone in my own city to talk to, but an Internet forum is a good place to start IMO! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>thanks!