Why is it that when you have a good sex life, you spend a lot of time thinking about it. And when you don't have a good sex life, you spend a lot of time thinking about it?

HopelessinAZ..<p>I am very interested in learning more about the "Philanders" that you spoke about from the book, Private Lies. I believe that my wife was a philanderer and I am trying to understand there thought process. What does the term "desexualize" mean?? Sorry if I sound dumb, but I really don't know what that means.<p>Thanks<p>Bryan

ThingsFallApart, <p>Thank you for your interesting perspective. I just wanted to reassure you about something. I am not a sexhound or sexually aggressive. I think a couple of times a week is lovely, and USUALLY we mix it up as to who initiates, etc. <p>However, my H has told me that he does not like subtle hints...he likes to be hit over the head with a fry pan. I feel like a hussy being TOO obvious, so I tried to be obvious while simultaneously being playful and fun about it. I figured the average guy would "get the message" but I couldn't tell for sure.<p>I hear what you're saying about being clingy and giving it up too easily, but I was trying to express that I was interested. See, if HE is interested, I do get the message and I generally go with it, because people need the reassurance and closeness that sex can offer. I may or may not feel the need to be close, but maybe HE does. That's why I felt bad that when I kind of needed some interest and desire, he wouldn't have anything to do with it. HOWEVER, I will take what you have said and modify just a touch...I'll express interest, but not necessarily VERBALLY. Maybe be a little suggestive, touch a little, but not SO obvious. <p>Thanks for your suggestions!<p>
CJ