Avatar -- I know what you mean about hearing your own story from those who have been living it for years. My 2nd anniversary last week was horrific, as it was just over a month from learning about the OGs, one EA (or PA?) that is still going on and that he is clear that he has no intention of giving up. Things were great through December, but in January, H started staying out later and later, cancelling plans with me, returning to his "always late" treatment (except for OG) of me,etc. My graduate research in Theology was about the domestic church, so you can bet I took marriage as a sacrament exceptionally seriously. I put up with as much as I did because of how I valued the sacrament.
Do I have any advice? I'm not qualified. Other members may.<p>I do have a question for older members, though. What's on the other side? If I continue this life of abuse and ridicule from my H, will there be change, and what sort of change? And for how long will it last? For my H, I think he was able to keep up the act for a while, but then it got to be too much for him. On the unlikely chance that God chooses this situation to perform God's next big miracle, for how long will it hold? Or will I be going through this for years to come? That's not marriage. should I just count my blessings that I've learned all this earlier in the game and cut my losses.
Thanks.<p>(PS recently posted reply to Still Reeling under other topic)

What's on the other side? <p>Peace, Tranquility(sp?), Growth, Happiness, Hope, Friendship, Strenght, Freedom, Love, Life.<p>If I continue this life of abuse and ridicule from my H, will there be change, and what sort of change? <p>I think what you are asking here is: Is there HOPE? Only you can answer that one. Its a personal thing. A marriage has no place for Abuse and Ridicule. There may be change, Good change or Bad change. Its a matter of preception. Does he want Change? If he did change would you like what he changed into? I guess it comes down to the old question: Be carefull what you ask for, because it may come true. <p>And for how long will it last? <p>Be carefull that you don't det yourself up for something here with this question. How long will it last sound like you don't expect him to change FOREVER. Because he probably won't. (FOREVER) (Just my .02$ on this one)<p>For my H, I think he was able to keep up the act for a while, but then it got to be too much for him. On the unlikely chance that God chooses this situation to perform God's next big miracle, for how long will it hold? Or will I be
going through this for years to come?<p>Here again, Only you can answer that question.<p>That's not marriage. should I just count my blessings that I've learned all this earlier in the game and cut my losses.<p>Here again, Only you can answer that question.

SISOSIG said:
"For my H, I think he was able to keep up the act for a while, but then it got to be too much for him. "<p>My H is also "acting" I think. When I met him he claimed to be one sort of person. I though we had a lot in common and agreed on many things. One thing I thought was strange was that he had very different opinion than his family. I think that I was a "good little girl" and he was a "bad boy" but he thought "someone like her would never love someone like me" so he put up a front to disguise his true self.<p>I read some of his online conversations and discovered that he is the opposite of what I thought he was. What's more, he resented ME for it because he couldn't "be himself" around me! He was actually angry with me because I "expect him to come home clean and sober and smoke-free". (I didn't even know any of this was going on.)<p>What a shame men like this get married before they reveal their true selves. They just want their own happiness no matter what the cost - even if it means walking all over others hearts! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sorry, just venting.....<p>My unqualified advice to you is talk to him and see if he is WILLING to change and work on the relationship. If he isn't, bail. The last thing you need is to be stuck in a dead-end relationship. OTOH, if he IS willing to really work hard at meeting your EN and you are willing to meet his, try and make it work. It will all depend on his attitude.<p>best of luck.<p>--A.