h and i are divorcing.he is back at ow house.
he came back for 6 wks which he says was all part of his plan.to prove to his family things would not work between us b/c he didnt want to be with me anymore.<p>so after living w ow for 8 months he moved out came home for 6wks and is now back with her.he says divorce is the way to go.funny how when i wanted to divorce after 5 months of separation he said lets wait it out.not b/c he felt we would reunite just b/c it was early and didn't want to rush into divorce.<p>now he says he is ready and lets get it over with.he has been cheating since we got married and really wasnt ready to be married (got married at 25)he is now 32 and says he is changed but that he doesnt want to work things out.he wants to be w ow. he is saying he is faithful and that is the relationship he wants.meanwhile was still around me on the wkends and intimate w me since april and throughout the 6 wks he was back home<p>says that was just part of his plan
so were the counseling sessions we attended (only 2)he claims to be so happy w ow whom he works with,lives with and has been seeing for over a yr.<p>why would you come back to prove a point to your family and meanwhile hurt your daughter in the process. i am hurt by this whole thing how do you treat someone you have known for 10 yrs like this?even though he was a liar and a cheater is still hurts. <p>all he could say is he knows he was the one to mess up the relationship but he is gonna get divorced and move on and not look back.<p>it still hurts and it just isn't that simple at least not for me since i was sincere in the marriage and only wanted to see it work out and he was clowning around all along.so its easier for him especially since he moved on long ago and is living w ow <p>what a creep any posts pls don;t hesitate they really help me a lot.

He just can't wait to "move on" to his next disaster.<p>FOG, FOG, FOG<p>Chin up!<p>Kevin

LA-<p>Hang in there. That fog is so thick and it always amazes me the cruel things it enables our WS's to do and say. It's like all feelings, memories, and even common courtesy disappear. Don't let his actions and words get to you.<p>Remember whatever happens that you tried, you did the right thing, and you in the end will come out on top. He may be moving on, but that doesn't mean that he's the winner. <p>Take care,<p>K

he sounds like another average WS, deep in the fog, Who knows why there minds go blank and they have no memories of anything good or of any love. You will be fine in the long run, he is the looser here, One day he will come out of the fog and see what he has given up, Unfortunate for him it will be to late, You will have moved on and have a better life with out him, I use to think there is nothing more that I wanted than to work things out, just have a chance to play on the same feild with OM, but I didn;t. Well I don't hurt myself anymore over her and my life gets better all the time. Unfortunatly from what I hear
hers isn't doing as well.

Could someone please explain what "fog" is? I can't find anything about it on the web site. Thanks, sorry to hijack your thread, leftalone!

i am in the fog. someone please tell me what the fog is. I feel like I married someone I shouldn't have. I played the "play not to lose" strategy and it didn't work, and now I have to hurt my wife. i am now in the "play to win" state of emotional health and able to make the right choices for my life. Unfortunately they do not include my wife. The whole fact that it is sooooo easy to get married, and sooooo hard to get out of it is irksome. Why didn't I get that instruction from the Catholic Church or my parents. And this whole web sites focus on saving marriages is ****. The spoecific act of getting married is of no real consequence - except from a legal $$$ standpoint. Each day humans have choices to make and if you make the wrong choice one has options to repair, make other choices and grow. If marriage was the wrong choice and you made it, you are ****ed, even if you are a nice guy.

Fog is that state one is in when they are having an affair. Their mind is in fantasyland. They act in extremely mean ways to the betrayed spouse (BS). They believe that it is all for the best. Blah, blah, blah...<p>Bizarre behavior. They do not behave in the same manner as they did when first married.<p>[ November 04, 2001: Message edited by: father of 1, husband of 0 ]<p>[ November 04, 2001: Message edited by: father of 1, husband of 0 ]</p>

I'm not good at formal definitions. But anecdotally (from my life) the fog is:<p>-when in November my wife stood before the church and gave thanks for what a loving, supportive husband I was in a time of job turmoil. By January she was demanding a divorce because she never loved me and it had been a decade-long act<p>-when my wife wouldn't make any decision without consulting her "friend" but refused to acknowledge that their relationship might be unhealthy.<p>-when my wife told me that on our wedding day she wanted to call it off because she knew it wasn't right, but didn't want to offend the guests (funny how we'd been happy and *never* hinted at that for 7.5 years of marriage).<p>-when my wife eschewed any advice or counsel from me, our church, her friends, her family, old-counselor friends (decade-old relationships) because no-one really "understood" her.<p>Somehow people seem to have the capacity to almost suddenly awake as different people: different values, different character, different worldview. I don't understand it. I wonder if my wife really believes all she says or feels trapped by her own decisions.<p>(former wife...ex-wife. I have to learn to stop just saying "wife.")<p>My guess is that many people's anecdotal evidence is hauntingly similar to my stories.<p>brian<p>[ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: CincyBrian ]</p>