I need help, lots of help. My husband and I have only been married 10 month's. We've had several fight's mainly due to excess baggage carried over from previous marriages. It was never nothing I ever dreamed we'd wind up splitting up over. But it happened and today I was served with separation papers. I don't want it I want us to go too marroage counseling, but at least up until this point and time he refuses. I have done everything I could possiably think of to stop him from doing this to no avail. I've admitted to everything I had done in the marriage and appologized for it. We both did our share in screwing up this marriage. I have been going to a counselor alone for the last three weeks, he's yet to do anything to try and save us. I done all the crawling, begging, changing, and promises of it being different if he'd just join me in counseling in hopes of him returning home. Everything is alot more complicated then I can include in this post, but please believe me there is nothing that wrong that can't be fixed with some proper kind of help. He just sits back and listens to people who either don't like me, or to people who have no right tell him what to do about us, they are not qualified to do so. Anyhow to try and cut this down to a shorter version, as I said we had fights, but we were alright. We had his home and mine, making all payments on both. Also trying to enlarge my home of which we choose to live in. Bills was letting us get no where this way. So we decided to move his stuff out of his house and rent it out. In the process he wound up hurting his back. We had only been married 3 month'sat this point. Suddenly we were thrown togeather 24 hours a day, 7 days a week basically behind closed doors, for almost 4 month's while he recovered from surgery. We really started getting on one anothers nerves, and both had given up on doing anything to work on finishing the house, or going about trying to get rid of some of the clutter. We wound up haveing one last fight, in which he said he was leaving and I told him to get out. He did we've talked several times, even went out on a date so to speak, and everything went great. We both enjoyed each other very much. One night we even spent the night togeather at his house, that went great also. But then his friends keep getting envolved filling his head with lies and accuations keeping him constantly angry as can be at me, no matter what I do. Now he serves me with papers ! I don't want a divorce, or separation we've been apart now for seven weeks, I want him to come home where he belongs. I sent his lawyer a letter back stating I was'nt agreeing to anything, I did'nt want it and I wanted him to get counseling for his baggage problem, just as I have been doing, and for us both to start marriage counseling. What else should I do to make him believe in me again and not the others he's talking to ???????????????? I've never cheated if that should cross anyone's mind ! Any help at all please !!!!!!!!

keep working on yourself and stop begging and crawling, this moght push him further away or make him feel he has the upper hand and can do what ever he wants right now, Let him see you starting to put a life together with out him.

Take my advice i've been in your situation just a couple of months ago..I begged and cried and begged some more and etc..The only thing it did was hurt our marriage more and ruin any chance to reconcile..I pushed him so far away that there is no way hope for us..So take my advice and any advice given to you as luck..Your marriage can be saved it's not to late like my marriage..

There is so much stuff here that you are trying to deal with and fix. I was in this trap a long time. I was so broken hearted when my husband left
that I just wanted to die. Finally, I realized I could not fix anything and turned to the only one who can...God. I cried out to Him and He sent me to the web site listed below. It took me a while to Let God be God. He filed for divorce in May 2000 and ,Praise God, we are still not divorced , as a matter for fact he would have to file again at this point. My husband wanted a divorce quick!
Only God can move mountains! We are still not together but, we get along great and spend time together. He will be home in God's time. This is a narrow road I have been lead to take. Not everyone can stay on this path, it just matters how important your marriage is and if you have the faith to continue, no matter how things look.
I pray you go to this site...www.restorem.org<p>gentle

Thanks for your posting back to me,
I really appreciate the chance to talk to others who somewhat understand. As far as my begging, pleading and so forth I know it's wrong but I can't help it.
I know in my heart that if I don't let him know I'm still out there he'll just plan forget about me. He'll get in even tighter with the very people who are responsiable for us not being able to talk to begin with.
Right now he won't even give me the time of day right now. He acts like he honestly hates my guts.
I honestly have done my fair share in our break up, but as they say it takes two. I really have done no more than he and I have tried desperately to appologize for the part I played, and that I am going to counseling to get help dealing with my past. He's agreed that he too has problems of his past but has done nothing to get any kind of help.
Getting served was a real slap in the face. I know deep down inside beneath all his anger, that he still loves me. He has done so much talking out there to everyone he knows, probally some true, some exaggerated and some totally off the wall. I feel he does'nt see how he could come back if he wanted, to embarrasing.
He now lives about 25 miles from me, and work's about 7 miles from me (he's a mailman). He continues to go to places we use to go to when we were dating, but supposably came to hate the place so he never wanted us to go.
My deceased best friend's grave is about 7 miles from me, my husband knows I go there when I'm troubled and light a candle there and talk to him. Lately when I get there on different days, he has lit one or two candles, or friends will tell me he told them he had been by there.
The thing I can't figure out with this is that in the separation papers I'm asked to stay away from him and his residence. So why does'nt he go to places closer to where he lives, why must he go places he knows evenually I show up at. Just like the night before I was served I went to the place we use to go to, it's one mile from my house. There set his truck, I decided heck with it I'm going in anyway. As soon as I did him and the people he talking with shut up and he stated he had to go, and left. I stayed about and hour and then went out to the grave, he had already been there and left the candle burning.
So what am I suppose to do ?
I take all the advise anyone is willing to give, I want him home, my children want him home !
I'm looking for someway to put some kinda possitive thoughts in his head. He is surrounded by people he talks to everyday that does'nt want us back togeather, and he's listening to them. They don't give him time for any of feeling I'm going through to surface with him. I just want to put a recent good memory in his mind set. I guess thats why I need this group more than ever.<p>Appreciate your help !<p>Debby
Debby

Thanks for your posting back to me,
I really appreciate the chance to talk to others who somewhat understand. As far as my begging, pleading and so forth I know it's wrong but I can't help it.
I know in my heart that if I don't let him know I'm still out there he'll just plan forget about me. He'll get in even tighter with the very people who are responsiable for us not being able to talk to begin with.
Right now he won't even give me the time of day right now. He acts like he honestly hates my guts.
I honestly have done my fair share in our break up, but as they say it takes two. I really have done no more than he and I have tried desperately to appologize for the part I played, and that I am going to counseling to get help dealing with my past. He's agreed that he too has problems of his past but has done nothing to get any kind of help.
Getting served was a real slap in the face. I know deep down inside beneath all his anger, that he still loves me. He has done so much talking out there to everyone he knows, probally some true, some exaggerated and some totally off the wall. I feel he does'nt see how he could come back if he wanted, to embarrasing.
He now lives about 25 miles from me, and work's about 7 miles from me (he's a mailman). He continues to go to places we use to go to when we were dating, but supposably came to hate the place so he never wanted us to go.
My deceased best friend's grave is about 7 miles from me, my husband knows I go there when I'm troubled and light a candle there and talk to him. Lately when I get there on different days, he has lit one or two candles, or friends will tell me he told them he had been by there.
The thing I can't figure out with this is that in the separation papers I'm asked to stay away from him and his residence. So why does'nt he go to places closer to where he lives, why must he go places he knows evenually I show up at. Just like the night before I was served I went to the place we use to go to, it's one mile from my house. There set his truck, I decided heck with it I'm going in anyway. As soon as I did him and the people he talking with shut up and he stated he had to go, and left. I stayed about and hour and then went out to the grave, he had already been there and left the candle burning.
So what am I suppose to do ?
I take all the advise anyone is willing to give, I want him home, my children want him home !
I'm looking for someway to put some kinda possitive thoughts in his head. He is surrounded by people he talks to everyday that does'nt want us back togeather, and he's listening to them. They don't give him time for any of feeling I'm going through to surface with him. I just want to put a recent good memory in his mind set. I guess thats why I need this group more than ever.<p>Appreciate your help !<p>Debby
Debby

surmay,<p>I am sorry you are hurting. I know this must be painful. Here's a little advice. I'm going to put my comments in your post.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by surmay:
<strong>Thanks for your posting back to me,
I really appreciate the chance to talk to others who somewhat understand. As far as my begging, pleading and so forth I know it's wrong but I can't help it. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>At the risk of sounding bossy, yes, you can help it. So stop it.
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by surmay:
<strong>
I know in my heart that if I don't let him know I'm still out there he'll just plan forget about me. He'll get in even tighter with the very people who are responsiable for us not being able to talk to begin with. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>If you don't back off I can pretty much guarantee you will lose him. If you back off you may still lose him but you just increased your chances of getting him back.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by surmay:
<strong>
The thing I can't figure out with this is that in the separation papers I'm asked to stay away from him and his residence. So why does'nt he go to places closer to where he lives, why must he go places he knows evenually I show up at. Just like the night before I was served I went to the place we use to go to, it's one mile from my house. There set his truck, I decided heck with it I'm going in anyway. As soon as I did him and the people he talking with shut up and he stated he had to go, and left. I stayed about and hour and then went out to the grave, he had already been there and left the candle burning.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Quit trying to analyze why he goes there. Just know he wants you to stay away right now so, again, stay away. You really need to back off.
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by surmay:
<strong>
I take all the advise anyone is willing to give,
</strong><hr></blockquote>
Ok, again, I hate to repeat myself over and over, but, so far people on here pretty much gave you the advice to stay away and back off. You said you'd take all the advice you can get but you ignored good advice and said you couldn't do it. You need to calm down, take a deep breath and then not only listen to people here but actually take the good advice.<p>The next thing, please read everything you can on MB. Make positive changes in you. This is all you can do right now. <p>There's a new persons welcome post out there some where. I don't have time right now to find it but we'll search the sight tomorrow for it. Unless someone else helps me out. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take care and try hard to calm down, it's really important right now for you to have a clear head.<p>ANNA<p>P.S.<p>Just a helpful hint. It'll help people to read your thread if you put paragraph breaks in your story.<p>[ November 04, 2001: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</p>

Dear surmay,<p>You said you would take any advise...did you go to the web site I suggested? MB and the restore site were the first two places that helped me.<p>There is NO quick fix to what you are going through. Let God take control. YOU cannot fix all this mess. I know your pain and I made the same mistakes you are making. Things didn't get better until I let GO. It doesn't mean you are giving up it just means you are powerless. You cannot change your husband and you will never convict him of anything.<p>You are pushing him away, give him space and work on you. Stop beating your head against the wall. <p>Please go to the web site I mentioned. You will find hope there. You want help ...I have told you were I got help. My divorce has still not happened and my husband hated me when he left and didn't want me around him either. Things are different now. It takes TIME. He is not going to forget you, but how will he remember you...as a begging, pleading, crying, yelling person or as a loving caring wife. The choice is yours to make.Making it is not hard...sticking to it is hard and you will need support for that. <p>I pray you make the right choice and keep working at it. It takes TIME!<p>gentle web page

Hi,
Just thought I'd add this as a little bit of an update to previous statements I've made. Remember the letter I sent to Husband and his lawyer about refusing to agree to anything unless he also went to conseling. Well I got the return reciept from his attorney saying he got it on 11-01-01, but I've yet to get the return receipt from my husband. Keep in mind my husband is a mailman, who also delivers his attorneys mail to him, so I figure he read his lawyers copy and said the heck with going to get his own he knows what it says. Anyhow I've heard nothing either way on anything stated in that letter and it's been 5 days now.
Yesterday afternoon I saw some a couple's car parked at the bar he goes to or should I say we go to now, again. Anyhow I decided to stop to and see what I could hear. The man had a broken finger which helped to break the ice into a conversation with them. I stated I could'nt stay long I had to go home fix dinner for the kids and hang drywall yet tonight. The man said your doing all that alone ? I said yes I don't have anyone to help me out anymore. He said yea I heard you and husband are split. So there opened the door again, they said nothing more about anything he had said about our split. The whole time I continued to be happy and smiling and filled them in on my going to a counselor once a week, (of which is today) and how I'm in this support group now, the book the extra marriage counseling I'd like for both of us to attend. Filled them in on alittle bit of my side, admitting to my failure in the marriage. They said he refuses to go to counseling or notice the changes you have already made ? I said well he can't see any changes if he won't even speak or come around me, he runs everytime he see's me and I'm no longer chaseing. Part of all this counseling is to make me feel better about myself first, then work on what's wrong right now and then the future. Forget about going back to the past, they said it all really made sense.<p>Then when I was returning home there was a grey Suburban at the beginning/end of my road (the road dead ends) one to the best I could see like ours turning back onto the main road as I was turning in. He did'nt have time to have talked to them yet. But I just wonder if it was him what was he doing on my road, as far as I know there is no Suburban in or around our town exactly like ours. <p>Anythoughts or comments are really greatly appreciated, thanks for all your support.<p>Gentle, I do really appreciate any and all help and suggestions, sometimes I know I'm so caught up in myself that I fail to mention somethings. I have visited the sites you have mentioned, and many, many more. Thanks !<p>Thanks for listening !<p>Debby

Hi,
Just thought I'd add this as a little bit of an update to previous statements I've made. Remember the letter I sent to Husband and his lawyer about refusing to agree to anything unless he also went to conseling. Well I got the return reciept from his attorney saying he got it on 11-01-01, but I've yet to get the return receipt from my husband. Keep in mind my husband is a mailman, who also delivers his attorneys mail to him, so I figure he read his lawyers copy and said the heck with going to get his own he knows what it says. Anyhow I've heard nothing either way on anything stated in that letter and it's been 5 days now.
Yesterday afternoon I saw some a couple's car parked at the bar he goes to or should I say we go to now, again. Anyhow I decided to stop to and see what I could hear. The man had a broken finger which helped to break the ice into a conversation with them. I stated I could'nt stay long I had to go home fix dinner for the kids and hang drywall yet tonight. The man said your doing all that alone ? I said yes I don't have anyone to help me out anymore. He said yea I heard you and husband are split. So there opened the door again, they said nothing more about anything he had said about our split. The whole time I continued to be happy and smiling and filled them in on my going to a counselor once a week, (of which is today) and how I'm in this support group now, the book the extra marriage counseling I'd like for both of us to attend. Filled them in on alittle bit of my side, admitting to my failure in the marriage. They said he refuses to go to counseling or notice the changes you have already made ? I said well he can't see any changes if he won't even speak or come around me, he runs everytime he see's me and I'm no longer chaseing. Part of all this counseling is to make me feel better about myself first, then work on what's wrong right now and then the future. Forget about going back to the past, they said it all really made sense.<p>Then when I was returning home there was a grey Suburban at the beginning/end of my road (the road dead ends) one to the best I could see like ours turning back onto the main road as I was turning in. He did'nt have time to have talked to them yet. But I just wonder if it was him what was he doing on my road, as far as I know there is no Suburban in or around our town exactly like ours. <p>Anythoughts or comments are really greatly appreciated, thanks for all your support.<p>Gentle, I do really appreciate any and all help and suggestions, sometimes I know I'm so caught up in myself that I fail to mention somethings. I have visited the sites you have mentioned, and many, many more. Thanks !<p>Thanks for listening !<p>Debby

Hi Everone,<p>I'd like to start this off with saying right now I am just about on top of the world. About 9:30 tonight I made the decission to try and call my husband. I figured I had a ligidament reason to call, afraid but did it anyway.<p>I know this is gonna be a very long message, I'll try and keep it short as I can and still get the jest of what was said across to you. Hope you can follow.<p>Reason being Holloween night I was involved in a car accident, I was hit in the rear. I am alright just sore really, but went to the hospital to be checked out. I already have back problems and the way I felt I was really afraid it had finished me off. <p>Anyhow I did'nt know weather he was still carrying medical insurance on me or not. My daughter had called him from the hospital for me to find out so I could give the hospital the information. He either was'nt home or did'nt answer anyway she left a message, asking about insurance and would he please call back. He never did. I got thinking about it and decided to call because she never told him I had been in a car accident.<p>I did, he answered and the conversation went somewhat as follows, it turned out to be way more than insurance talk. I remained very up beat, and trying to joke and make fun the whole conversation.<p>Me : Hi Felix
H : Yea
Me : I only called to find out if you were still carrying medical insurance on me. Dawn (my daughter) called you and left a message and you never returned the call.
H : Yea, that was last week
Me : Halloween night, I was involved in an auto accident, and needed to know for the hospital and for therapy.
H : Yea, for about another week your still covered. It's that time of year that I can change it back to single and save myself some money.
Me : O.K. at least I can turn in the hospital to cover that bill, I'll skip the therapy.
H : What's wrong with you
Me : Oh, It's just my back and hip again.
H : Well you ought to be able to get some money out of that, if you get a lawyer
Me : No, nothing new wrong, just aggravated a pre-existing condition.
H : exactly
Me : No really Felix, I've been spending the last few weeks, with a counselor and a support group to help me feel better about me so I can become a better person. The last thing I want to do is start argueing with anybody. At this point I feel it'll go against everything I have been working to gain.
H : Don't make a mistake
Me : That's exactly what I'm trying not to do. Lord knows I've made way to many of them in the last few weeks.
H : If you need to go to therapy just let me know and I'll keep you on so you'll be covered
Me : Thanks alot I really appreciate that<p>Conversation was going well so I decided to throw another thing at him.<p>Me : Felix, is it alright if I asked you something else
H : What
Me : Well Stormy (my 3 year old) really is having a problem with all of this. I have listen to her constantly talk about daddy this and daddy that. My dad calls and she think he is you. Then this morning she over heard me tell mom I was going to the counselor, and your name mentioned. She went off with could she go to see her daddy, could she give you a hug, on and on. I left her at the daycare crying. Would you please visit her. We'll set it up anyway you want
H: Don't you think it would be better if she did'nt see me, and she'll forget about me
Me : No, she has'nt forgot yet. Felix your the only father she has ever known
H : Well my day off was today you should have called me so I could have done it today
Me : I've wanted to but was afraid
H : OK, I don't know what day I have off next week I'll have to call you.
Me : Thanks alot Felix, it will mean the world to her.<p>About that time she walked into the bedroom, heard me say his name. Started throwing a fit to talk to him. I was talking on my cell phone, the next thing I knew she grabbed the phone and was saying "Hi Daddy", "I love you". "When are you coming home". "You don't know when". "OK daddy I love you", and gave the phone back to me.<p>Me : I'm sorry about that Felix, but you know how she is.
H : Yes, I do. I'll call you when I can pick her up from daycare and bring her to the house.
Me : That will be fine. I'll have Dawn take off and go somewhere with her friends and I'll take the boys and do something with them
H : No, you'll have to be home
Me : OK, I just did'nt want to put any pressure on you. I just thought you'd want to be alone with her.
H : So what were you doing when you got in the accident, been out drinking
Me : No Felix, I was taking the kids out trick or treating.
H : Oh, well how much damage was done to the Jeep<p>More of this kind of talk about the accident and damages, then on to asking about work being done to the house, and my produce selling. All of which he started the conversation on.<p>Talked on my going to counseling, because he had for one made the comment that I probally was'nt even going to a friend of mine. I informed him that yes I was for 4 more times, then I could only continue if I had insurance to pick it up. His work is paying for 8 visits a piece. <p>I also told him that I also joined a support group that I speak with every night. That I had made changes in myself to better myself and to be happy with who I am and what I'm about. Told him I was doing alot of reading and had every intention of continueing everything I had been doing. <p>The program was a good one because I now felt good about myself and happy. He said yea, but what if you back slid. I said yes that's always a possiablity, but that just happens to be the chapter I'm reading about right now. <p>I told him that counseling was available with this program also but I did'nt want to spend the money right now, I prefer to wait and see if we can't work something out and do it togeather. <p>He said what if I don't want to come back home. I said fine then I'll still be a better person for following through with it. I told him everything in the group and the book seems to work very well, and makes alot of sense to me. I'm suppose to read the book twice, and later on after I'm done I'll be glad to lone it to him to read if he was interested.<p>The conversation continued on for about 45 minutes to an hour, the whole time I remain happy and cheery. If a subject came up that I wanted avoided, because I thought it would end on a bad note I avoided it even without even getting into it, and he never even seemed to notice.<p>During the whole conversation he sounded depressed and down, but in the same note I felt he wanted to talk also. So I asked him. Felix you sound down in the dumps. Are you like this all the time ? He said "No" , I said is it because your talking to me. He said "I don't know maybe" I said " I'm sorry if I have put you in this mood, should we end this conversation for now" He said "no, he was ok" <p>We talked alittle bit more about different things, and I said well I'd better let you go. He said "ok" and I said " Have a good night and good-bye"<p>We never once even began to argue. I now feel great at least we are comunicating again.<p>Does anyone have any ideas for me to keep this going ? What mistakes did I make ? What should I do next ?<p>Debby

Forgot this it might be of some importance so I figured I'd better hurry up and add it on.<p>The only part right now I can think of that may have been important is that he never brought up the separation papers, I did !<p>Only because he made the statement that "it looked like we might lose the family car. I managed to pay this last payment, but I don't see how I can come up with the next one", (a 2001 Suburban we bought just a few months before he got hurt).<p>I said "Felix I told you a month ago that I would help you with the payments. But with the new financial predicament I'm in I can't right now".<p>He said "yea the pool payment"<p>I said "no I'm not even talking about that, I'm talking about the papers you filed on me"<p>He said "What"<p>I said " I have to hire an attorney, I have thirty days to file answers to the papers you filed on me"<p>He said "You don't have to have an attorney to go to family court"<p>I said "Well I have no intentions of walking into the courtroom without one"<p>That was the end of that. and it switched over to another topic.<p>What does everyone think about the whole conversation ?<p>Debby

Debby,<p>The conversation sounded very promising. Try hard not to contact him until he picks up your daughter, this will give him the space he needs to think about you and what you said. It will also reinforce to him you are changing. Also, try to stay away from the place you used to hang out with him.<p>Don't be surprised if within the next couple of weeks he test you. He'll probably back off again to see what kind of response he gets, when he does this it will be very important for you not to contact him. <p>You need to have the patience and be stronger than you've ever been. Willpower is a hard thing but you will see so much more progress if you continue to show it.<p>Take care and keep us informed.<p>ANNA

Have you checked out the site gentle mentioned? www.restorem.org. I think it is so good and encouraging. Send me an email if you have time. I have one of their books on ebook.
Morriggs
morriggs@yahoo.com

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

Anna, Morriggs, & K thanks so very much for the advise ! <p>I'm trying very hard to do exactly as you all say with the read, read, read part and the not chasing, calling, crying and so forth.<p>Just a thought that's been bothering me all day and thought I'd put it out there to ya, just to see ig anyone has any thought's. I know it's early yet, I'm just wondering if I read more into our conversation than there really was.<p>Also I finally got the return reciept for the letter I sent to him and his attorney. It was the next day after we had spoke I got it back, so that means he picked up my letter and must have read it the same day I called him, but he never mentioned it at all.<p>Well I know he's off work tommorrow and off somewhere tonight because he does'nt have to work tommorrow.<p>I've just got the terriable feeling he's out with a woman, I don't know why I feel this way I just do, gut feeling maybe.<p>Thanks for listening !<p>Debby

Surmay,<p> I will be keeping you in my prayers. Worrying about what your husband is doing, isn't doing you any good. Are you a Christian? If so, pick up the bible and cry out to the Lord. Please email me.
Morriggs
morriggs@yahoo.com

Thanks for your prayers Morrig, I really do appreciate it and defineatly need all the help I can get. Yes I am a Christian.<p>Now for my newest update !<p>Today was the day I had to go hire an attorney. I had only thirty days to answer his papers served on me for legal separation. That time will be up December 2nd, but with Thanksgiving right there I'll be cut short on the court system. <p>Anyhow I had no idea who to get, so I wound up calling that lawyer referral service on t.v. They give you one name with a cheap consultation fee. I was worried with this, but he turned out to be a very nice guy.<p>First thing out of my mouth to his was "D you believe in the sanctity of marriage" He looked at me kinda funny, and I said "if you don't then I'm not gonna waste either of our time, because I don't want a divorce"<p>He said "well this is different most come in here saying I'm through with him too"<p>We went on , he asked and I answered some questions, showed him the papers and said let me give his attorney a call."<p>He did right then and there he told his attorney that I did'nt want it, and about the kids also about mine and my husbands last phone coversation and asked if my husband was sure he wanted to go through this. Because he believes I'm honest and sencere about not wanting it, and to the counseling. The other attorney said he get with him today and get back to my attorney about it.<p>My attorney also told me there really is no such thing as legal separation in the state of South Carolina. There's a name for what he's doing, but it's basically just to stipulate who's responsable for what bills. He also said that my husband does not have grounds for divorce so he have to wait at least a year and the courts are very backed up, so it'll be awhile before we even get in for this. <p>Good that buys me some time. I told my attorney my main concern is stopping this procedure, get him and us into counseling togeather. Then if all else fails then we'll deal with the divorce part, but now consebtrate on getting us back togeather.<p>When I left his office and I went to pay, he told me to wait and see what my husband's lawyer has to say when he calls back.<p>That all happened about 10:30 this morning, I have'nt heard anything yet hopefully tomorrow morning. Now remember my husband is his attorney's mailman so he sees him everyday.<p>Also good or bad I don't know, you all tell me. I believe I told you when this all went do I tore up all the pictures and our marriage license I was so mad, and dumped them on his doorstep. Needless to say he was mad about me doing that. Well I found to pictures of us togeather yesterday, I had copies made and mailed them to him. I just stuck a short note saying I thought he might like to have a copy of them and I love you. He should have got them today. Since he won't see me in person I wanted to stick us back in his mind of how happy we were. It was taken back in the early summer this year.<p>Ok help me out, give me your opinions ! Good or bad let me have it, I'm learning I just don't know if it'll be fast enough. <p>I'm nervous as all get out ! Will it be good or more bad ?<p>Debby

Debby,<p>That sounds great! I'm glad you are reading and learning. It's basically all you can do. Make these changes in you for yourself though, not for him. You deserve them.<p>Take care,<p>ANNA

Thanks for your input here Anna !<p>I've decided something today, after alot of time alone thinking what has happened over the last 2 month's, but especially the last week I guess.<p>I'm going to go with whatever comes out of the two attorney's talking come up with. If he wants to make a go for it I'm all for it. If he says no, well then it's no, I'll have to move on.<p>At this point I can't help but feel if we were to get back togeather, he'd just make me miserable with the way things will have to be his way only.<p>I know I said I'd do anything to get him back, but ! I'm lost and miserable without him, but I know in time I'll be ok. Doing it totally his way I'd spend a lifetime of being miserable. <p>Maybe I'm changing my mind about what I want or maybe it's just one of those days.<p>Again thanks for listening !<p>Debby