I need some input on my situation..The last time i talked to my stbx he told me to let him know if i met anyone new.I asked him why and he stated that he doesnt want some jerk to raise our baby,he wants to approve of him. Well i think i met someone i've known him for awhile and we have been "Only Friends" nothing more. I met him through church he is a really great guy, his family accepts me and loves my baby so does he. So what i'm thinking about doing is letting the stbx know that i have met someone. Is this a good idea?..Will this just cause more problems or just make the stbx see that i'm taking his choice to get divorced seriously??

In my humble opinion, you shouldn't say anything until (unless) the divorce is final. (Otherwise, isn't it technically an affair? even an EA?) I don't want your H to be able to accuse you of anything. And, if he wants nothing to do with his child, why should he have any say in who does? I say, he gets his chance, if he turns (turned) it down, that's it for him.<p>However, is this sudden interest in his child maybe a glimmer of hope? Does he visit you and your son? Maybe he is jealous of the thought of you with someone else. This can be a good thing. <p>OTOH, him asking you to pass your boyfriends by him to "approve" seems rather controlling. If you have no ties to him, I say you don't have to do it unless you see fit.<p>Only you can make the right decision for you and your family.<p>Good luck.<p>A.

Does your h want to have joint custody of the child. If so, and if he wants to parent with you, you should let him in on what other men may be around his child. If for no other reason than your new man turns out to be "bad" - your ex will protect his child if he has any humaness. <p>Why does your h want a divorce?

Yes my stbx is the one who wants the divorce..He asked me to file so i did. He is in another state and has only seen our baby 1 time. He said that he wants to be a part of our babys life. And the reason he wants to know is he doesnt want some looser to raise his son..Part of me wants to tell him and part of me doesnt. I want to tell him to make him see i'm not sitting around waiting for him to change his mind. And the other part of me thinks maybe i shouldn't tell him it may backfire and cause another big mess..I'm very torn at this point which way i should go.

JCM<p>From your first post, it sounds as though you and the guy you are thinking of becoming involved with, are "just friends". If there is nothing going on between you two, my advice is don't tell your stbx about it, because a) it's not official, so there's nothing to tell and b) I don't know if I am reading this right, but it seems you haven't approached Mr. Right yet, and if he finds out through someone else that you said you were dating, it would turn him off you.<p>I suggest (only a suggestion!) [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] that you NOT tell him you are seeing someone, but do let on that you are (actively?) looking, and not sitting around waiting for him. Don't mention any names if there aren't any officially.<p>If his intentions are good and he really cares about his son, then I think you should tell him WHEN there is the start of an official relationship. <p>Hope this helps you!<p>-A.

My two cents say it sounds rather controlling that your stbx approves of the company you keep. I might think a little differently if he was close by and a true joint custody thing was happening. As it stands with him in another state and only seen the baby one time, I would have my doubts on his true agenda. <p>I can also relate to not wanting to rock the boat as well, but is your stbx going to come back to approve any new person in your life at the drop of a hat?

Well i sent him a letter saying i had met someone special..And that i know he would be happy for me as i would be happy for him..At one time he had told me he hoped that i would find someone that treats me right and etc..So i guess i feel as though i want to be the stbx's friend so i thought it would be nice to share it with him..But i haven't heard back from him since..It's not as though he cares he doesn't want to stay married to me or help me raise our baby..He should be happy for me right??