My husband and I have been married 5 years. We have two daughters (5 and 1). We were married young, him 21 me 20. Due to the lack of maturity and relationship experience, our marriage has been a roller coaster from day one. Initially I was the aggressor, fussing, arguing, and even fighting. When I became a Christian, I began to work on myself and my temperment, but by then my husband had already been worn out. The last 3 years of our marriage have been extremely unstable. When we moved back to my husband's hometown, things got worse. His friends did not support our marriage, they were single, and he began to "hang out" more and more.<p>Finally, after months of threats and insuations, he filed for a divorce and put the house up for sale. I didn't believe it at first, but after two weeks, I decided the best thing for me was to move back home near my friends and family. <p>We've been separated for 3 weeks now. Since I have the support of my friends and family, I've been holding up well. I keep busy with work and the kids, and spending time with my famiy.<p>I was shocked that after a few days my husband called me. For the past week or so, he's called on a regular basis, and has shown interest in me and our marriage. He's asked why I moved and has hinted that maybe things would have been different if I had stayed. <p>I haven't heard anything more about the divorce. He wants to go to court, but I haven't heard anything more on a date. I still want so badly for me and my husband to be reconciled. I have a no contact policy, where I have not initiated contact with him, if he wants to talk to me or the girls, he calls, and same for visits.<p>I don't know if he's actually involved with anyone yet, and I said I would wait for God to reveal that to me in his time. That is why I feel I have not had a nervous breakdown, because I have given my marriage and future to God. <p>Should I consider myself divorced, even though it's not final? is it possible for things to change with me and him being 330 miles apart?<p>Confused

(((((((SEBREA))))))<p>How are your daughters holding up? I&#8217;m quite sure that this experience has been very traumatic for them.<p> &#8220;&#8221;&#8221;I still want so badly for me and my husband to be reconciled.&#8221;&#8221;&#8221;<p>Then make a plan and do it. Do your homework, read all the stuff on this site, ask all the questions you need, and come up with a plan to try to save this. From what little I know about your situation it sounds like y&#8217;all have some big communication problems. So some effort must be made in working on that. I&#8217;ve heard great things about a communication program for couples called &#8220;Retrouville&#8221; (sp?) that helps break down those communication barriers. Since you haven&#8217;t been served yet and know nothing of a court date, it is probably logical to assume that nothing has been filed at this point. The distance you&#8217;ve placed between y&#8217;all is bath your friend and your enemy. Friendly, it allows both of you some time/space to search for the path you wish to follow. Enemy, that&#8217;s a lot of space and quickly moving may give your husband the impression that &#8220;it&#8217;s totally over&#8221;. Additionally it applies further turmoil in your children&#8217;s lives by not seeing daddy.<p>&#8220;&#8221;&#8221;I have a no contact policy, where I have not initiated contact with him, if he wants to talk to me or the girls, he calls, and same for visits.&#8221;&#8221;&#8221;<p>On the children&#8217;s end YOU have to provide consistency in their lives right now. If that means that every night at 8:30 you call daddy&#8217;s house and hand the phone off then that&#8217;s what you need to do. As for you, I understand that initiating no contact, kinda like playing hard to get, might be viewed by some as allowing your husband to realize what he&#8217;s losing. But it could have another affect as well, getting your husband to think that you don&#8217;t care.<p>&#8220;&#8221;&#8221;Should I consider myself divorced, even though it's not final?&#8221;&#8221;&#8221;<p>As a child of God, you know the answer to that one.<p>&#8220;&#8221;&#8221;Is it possible for things to change with me and him being 330 miles apart?&#8221;&#8221;&#8221;<p>In my opinion, YES but you need to become more active in saving your marriage rather than reactive.<p>You sound like an extremely strong woman so I beg of you, please do not let your pride stand in the way of fixing your marriage. <p>
Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers from Kansas

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My husband has filed for a divorce. However, at the meeting, it was agreed that temporary orders would be set up for child support and visatation until something more definite was decided. I moved out on a Tuesday, and on that Friday, about 2 weeks ago, I got a notice in the mail that he wanted to go to court. Since that time, I have been waiting for a court date, but haven't received any correspondence from my attorney.<p>I wonder if my move was premature. But then I think of the mental and emotional trauma I was going through in his hometown. Seeing people he knew on the street for them to look at me as if to say "I know your marriage is messed up" the humuiliation of seeing my husband driving another female in his car, even though he said that he was driving her to his friend. All the late nights out. I was emotionally stressed, and I had no one there to give me that support. When I would call my friends and family they would make me feel so much better about myself, whereas my husband made me feel like crap. I felt unattractive and stupid.<p>Even though I kept asking him if this is really what he wanted, he kept insisting that it was. The days before I was to move, he stayed gone constantly, coming home just to sleep. It was a slap in the face, because here he knew that his wife and two kids were about to move and he showed no concern or feelings.<p>I would have kept fighting for my marriage, if he would have called off the divorce and agreed to a separation. I would have stayed in his hometown if he would have haulted the divorce, but he wouldn't.<p>Now I fear that if I initiate contact, it will only be hurtful and insulting. I feel like I've done the chasing, begging, moving, and sacrficing, now I want to see some sort of "baby I love you and want us to be together" from him. I've not completely given up on my marriage, but I need to know that this marriage and family is what he wants too.<p>Our oldest daugther is having "cursing" problems at school, but other than that, she seems fine. She doesn't ask about her daddy, and I don't speak a lot about him to her. Our home environment is more peaceful, and I am trying to establish a routine for all of us.<p>[ November 06, 2001: Message edited by: SEBREA ]</p>

Well, through whatever happens, there are plenty of fine people here who have seen it all and will be here for you.<p>The whole process is confusing and hurtful, I just went through one earlier this year. It is a great positive that you're around your support group.<p>I have 3 daughters (12,9,6) so I can relate to the school problems pretty well. Just keep on loving them and make life as predictable for them as possible.<p>Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers