I recently got married. we dated for a good year and a half before the big I do. For his personal religious beliefs we withheld from making love until we got married. The honey moon was wonderful. But the minute we got home he refused to make love with my 9 year old in the house. So for the last 3 months I have arranged for her to sleep at friends houses on the weekends. This upsets me since I work 50 hours a week and love to wake up with her on sunday mornings and have a real down home breakfast. There is no spontaniatity. Im not saying i want sex everynight but the doors close to the bedrooms. Its a small private home but there is 15 feet between her own bedroom and ours is a solid oak door for our bedroom. I dont want sex everynight but how about spontanaitiy. This all started right after the honeymoon, on a wednesday night around 10:30 (she was sound asleep and has always not awoken until around 2 for the bathroom)<BR>I lit some candles in the room but on a sexy nightgown some rose petals and a sports magazine on the sheets and wahlah....we will not have any sex as long as your daughter is in the house. No matter what. Final and that is it. Im thinking I love this man with all my heart, my daughter adores him and he is a good man but seriously how do other couples manage, please help..Im new to this issue.<BR>Thanks

<<No matter what. Final and that is it. >><P>I would be less concerned about the issue that he will not flex on and more concerned about his apparent inflexibility. He needs to communicate what his concerns are. Is he afraid you will be heard, walked in on, or discovered? Is he trying to protect himself, you or your daughter? If he can't or won't talk to you about this you both need to seek help in the area of comminicating/negotiating. You mentioned his religious beliefs in your post. How does he reconcile his position on "no sex with the child in the house" with meeting your needs and not neglecting the marriage bed. His beliefs say that the only place for sex is inside of marriage. But as soon as kids come along sex ends? None of this is rational and his reluctance to negotiate means there is probably some unresolved issue that he needs to get help with. Shipping your daughter off each weekend is not IMHO a good compromise for you to make. If he is really concerned about what is best for your daughter he can't be in favor of this set up. It also sounds as if sex is of little importance to him and more important to you. If this is the case here is another area you both need help resolving. Try to get him to open up and in any event get some help. Did you have any premarital counseling? If so was there any hint about this?<P>

He is catholic and I am jewish. I was the one who suggested to him we get premarital counseling before hand but he said we just need to be honest and open and god will work things out for us. Well that was wrong.<BR>I have asked him why we cant have sex with sarah is the house and he says he just dont feel comfortable with it. Thats that. End of story. I can understand if we lived in a one room apartment or something to that affect...I did say to him you once told me that by waiting till we were married that we would be making love all the time because he will be my husband and that would be one of his marital obligations to me. <BR>He realizes he has obligations but he cant full fill them with my daughter in the house.<BR>She has lived with me the whole time throughout our dating her whole life...He should have spoken up sooner in my eyes.<BR>Im hurt and confused.

As a catholic I can tell you that religion is no excuse for his behaviour. And what is wrong with the child knowing that two married people are having sex. at age nine she's reaching into puberty and knows it happens or something happens. Seeing that it belongs properly in marriage can only be a positive moral example for her. And her coming in? Locks on doors anyone?<BR>There's more here than meets the eye. Was either one of you married before? Perhaps he has some guilt feelings and thinks one of you needs an anulmment. Since your Jewish you don't and can't get one. But maybe he needs to speak to a priest about it. By the way it is official Catholic teaching for married couples to share and enjoy sex! It's called conjugal rights.<BR>You probably need some family therapy. This may actually be a sympotm of a conflict developing between your husbands adjustment and your daughters.<BR>By the way, if your Jewish and he's catholic have you ironed out the religious differences? Like Christmas, Easter? Yom Kippur? And the fact that any kids you have together will be Jewish? And in Catholic teaching they'll always remain Jewish even if baptized into the Catholic Church? <BR>Good Luck!<BR>p.s. A great thing about being a Catholic Christian is that I have a Jew for my God! ;-) And his mother was too!! Come to think of it most all of his friends and disciples were too ;-)