My husband came home from golfing and a few drinks on October 17th. I had experienced a minor (and what I thought was an amusing) incident during the day, where I had fallen into a hole in the floor of an addition to our house. He reacted strangely -- telling me he had "no respect" for me anymore. I reacted, asking him where that came from, and suddenly, he was a volcano, telling me that he didn't love me anymore, that he didn't know if being married to a friend was enough reason to stay together, that he wanted to live on the beach in Mexico, that he wanted to quit his job. He said that he had dreaded coming home to the house, to me, for several months, and he had been feeling bad about the relationship for several years.<p>Whew! This came out of the clear blue for me. I am an intelligent, perceptive person, or so I thought. Unless he is the best actor in the world, he certainly behaved in a caring and loving manner prior to that night. We are both 43 and have been married 17 years with no financial problems and no children.<p>I waited a day, thinking he would reevaluate his thoughts. I then, stupidly, took blame for everything. At first, he said he felt like a "window had finally opened" but then said it was "too little, too late." He said there is no other woman. But that he needs "time and space."<p>Ten days ago he moved into an apartment in town, opened his own checking account and has had minimal contact with me -- 2 emails and one telephone call where he was obviously strained to even talk to me.<p>I am meeting him for dinner tonight, and fear that he will give me more bad news. He is coming back to the house for 10 days in November to look after our animals while I visit my parents in another state. <p>I have read many of your postings. I truly believed that we had a wonderful marriage. I have spoken to a counsellor as well as practically any family and friends that will listen. They are all totally shocked, telling me that my husband's and my relationship was the only one that gave them faith in mankind. <p>How do I handle this? I've received advice ranging from giving him his space and not calling him (which is what I am currently doing) to telling him (if he asks for a divorce) that although I would prefer to remain married if he thinks a divorce is needed, maybe that's exactly what we do need. I really think he's got some avoidance issues. He says he is happier now that he is out of the house and not facing me, so I feel as though he's trying to summon up the courage to tell me its over, but since we've had such a great relationship, feels guilty about doing it to me. <p>All of his friends were divorced by their wives, so they are not particularly interested in his relationship. He says he doesn't want to go to counselling until he decides if he wants the relationship to work. <p>What is the best thing to do? Leave him? Pressure him? Anything I should or shouldn't say? I am heartbroken and the longer we are apart, the harder it seems it is for him to communicate at all with me. He did say he was "worried" about me.
