When my W moved out, she gave me a list of things I "Needed" to do in order to have a chance at keeping our marriage together.<p>1 Get a job
2 Show responsibility
3 show her where we could actually own something like a house
4 get counselling
5 Quit drinking<p>There were more but needless to say, I've accomplished every one of them admirably. My family have all commented what a difference I've made in turning around my life. <p>Here's the problem<p>With each accomplishment, my W has gotten visibly angrier and angrier with me to the point that she is now openly hostile towards me.(3 year old asked me last weekend, "Why Mommy scream at you?" I told her that Mommy is very angry with me and I hoped she felt better soon) When W left Sept 1, she said she felt that the only way she would get anywhere in life was to leave me and do it on her own.<p> Well, she's still living in her brother's basement and on Nov. 23, I move into my newly purchased semi-detached home. She's unemployed and I have a good job that I really like and my employer and fellow employees really like me as well. She's broke and I have money in the bank.<p> I take the kids 3 days out of 7 so I DO NOT give her money anymore. Besides, the first $500 I gave her in Oct went to $300 in new clothes and $200 on a cell phone. The following month, I bought the children's winter apparrel to the tune of $400. When I cut off the cash flow, she decided we should have individual auto insurance policies because the automatic debit for both were coming from her account(I was paying her for it). She even admitted that it was retaliation. I was just trying to take care of my kids.<p>She says she's angry because I was able to turn my life around so quickly..."Why couldn't you do it before I left you?" <p>She doesn't want to go to counselling to try and work out our marriage even though I've told her I'm willing to pay for it. She has always been unwilling to take responsibility for her actions. She has always been able to find someone else to blame it on or otherwise justify her actions. I think she is angry because by turning around my life, she is no longer justified in leaving me. <p>I am still as kind as possible and look out for her best interests as much as I can because she is actually behaving selfdestructively right now.(Badly in need of dental work, I told her I'd cover the co-pay on the insurance and we could work out something on repayment later when she was better off. She declined saying I'd just use it to manipulate her later) I am however switching over to a Plan B approach and avoiding all but necessary contact. <p>Given that she won't get help and is the angriest I have EVER seen her, does anyone here actually think that I have a hope in heck of holding this thing together or should I brace for the worst? I realize that since we have 3 kids that being kind to her only serves my best interest. Besides, the children will always remember that Dad tried and Mom wouldn't. I'm also concerned about the example she is showing..."When the going gets tough...run away"<p>I don't blame her for hiding from taking responsibility. She grew up in an abusive household and being responsible for a disaster was a sure way to get hit. I suspect that this is a learned self protection impulse. I do however feel that she should get counselling because most of our marital situation is based on the fact that everything is always MY FAULT. Counselling would help her either way. If she continues this behaviour, her next and subsequent relationships are very likely to be disasters as well.<p>Any interesting thoughts?
