OMG, here it comes the dreaded holidays...<p>this has always been a hard part of the year for me for some reason. even as a kid i was stressed out and unhappy during the holidays, so it figures that everything that means anything to me happened or happens around the hoiday season:
(i.e., deceaded father's birthday 11/24, mother deceased 12/6/92 - father 12/15/98, divorce final 10/25/01) dang... i don't feel too strong right now... <p>i know it is going to be a hard holiday season for many this year. after 9/11 many people's lives have changed. it is such a sad time and i feel very consumed with it... i really need to be remembered in your prayers and i promise to remember you all in mine...<p>i don't know if this board will be busy during the holiday, but i can imagine it will... how sad... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

The holidays are always hard for me too. <p>And statistically they are hard on anyone who has lost someone since the preceeding holidays - whether that loss was to death or divorce.<p>But each year they get a bit easier for me as far as loss of my x goes. Although I hugely resent sharing my children during this time, their father is human and loves them and wants to see them. But they are gone from noon on Christmas day till 6 p.m. New Year's day. Not ideal but that's the way things are. <p>Remember that this is a time to start new traditions. You can choose celebrations of the type you desire this year - whether that means Midnight service at church, volunteering at a "soup kithchen", a vacation to the exotic location of your choice, or renting a stack of steamy movies.<p>This is not an altogether bad situation - once you feel stronger.<p>(((((((((((((idostyling))))))))))))

i just emailed my ex... we have been having some very ugly dialog with each other. mostly instigated by me. i feel so angry with him. i feel like this is all his fault and i feel like he should be trying to fix it. he wants me to fix it and make it better, but i can't. he divorced me... <p>now i just want to be friends... i emailed him and asked him could we be friends. i mean really freinds. maybe that was what was wrong with us. we never became friends. you know the kind of friends that trust each other with the most intimate details and feelings. we never had that...<p>i told him i was very sad. he has not responded, but did say that he would like to have a friendship between us... i just don't want it to get back to the same old abusive relationship that it was... <p>i have been seeing somebody and he is quite different from my ex. he has a completely different personality and he cares about my feelings. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] that's new for me from a guy... <p>i am scared that i might get feelings... i don't want to have feelings for anybody right now, but i am falling and i feel like i can't control it...
[img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

i guess i have to bump myself... maybe im not that important today. oh wow, did that sound pitiful!!! i really need to get over it...<p>i feel so sad... so many tears..

And as for the holidays, you'll be ok. I know. I weathered them with a plethora of birthdays and anniversaries thrown in. The hullabaloo started with my daughter's birthday just about a week before Thanksgiving. And in there we had x's birthday and his father's birthday only two weeks before Christmas. My deceased dad's birthday about 1 week after New Year's Day. Just lots of things - x announced around Mid-November that he was thinking about a divorce. Son's birthday is just after Valentine's day - which was our anniversary. We were big Easter fans - the rabbits and all that fun stuff. X moved out only 3 days after my birthday. The "kind man" didn't want to leave on my birthday which was the day his apartment was ready for him. And he couldn't be polite enough to go to his parent's for just a day or so rather than mess up my day.<p>As sad and trite as it sounds, it's tough but you'll have to work through it. <p>Hey, my children leave at noon on Christmas day and I don't see them until late New Year's day. Wanna come over sometime?