Here's some background on this.<p>Well, I've been pretty wishy washy about this over the past couple days. And I have been thinking pretty hard about it. I came to the realization that I've been putting her needs before my own for long enough.<p>She called because she wants to come over and talk to me. The last time she did that, I ended up paying for an expensive lunch while she told me she "wants to count on me as a friend".<p>SHE left ME!!!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>This time, I said I didn't think it was a good idea. I reminded her that SHE left ME. And that whatever she had to say she could say on the phone or in a letter. She said she couldn't do that and had to see me in person.<p>Now let me explain why there is nothing she has to say that can't be said on the phone. She already said the worst that she can. There is going no lower.<p>*Flashback*<p>Prior to my biz trip in September, things seemed to be going great. I return, with gifts, flowers, card, ready to go to dinner and looking forward to her moving back in with me. And she doesn't show the first night I'm back. The next day, she says "we have to talk", and won't say what about, and that evening tells me in person that she isn't "in" love with me anymore, she's through trying to make the marriage work, that she's not moving back in with me, permanently.<p>*End of flashback*<p>She sounded pretty hurt when I said I thought it wasn't a good idea for her to come. But I was plenty hurt when she dropped her bomb.<p>To be fair, I then invited her to call at home. I invited her to send a letter. I assured her that if there was anything practical that she needed that only I could provide, that i would be glad to do it for her. But I didn't think it would be a good idea for her to stop by. She's got all her stuff now, after all.<p>I worry about her, but at the same time, I'm feeling pretty good about myself. I'm taking care of me for the first time in a long time.

OK, you are in plan B - you are torn abou the lack of control you have in your relationship, but control is not what a relationship is about. A relationship is about supporting each other for the agreed upon common goals.<p>OK, in order to undo the tornness, prepare your plan b letter, which means to explain why you are in minimal contact, and that you will resume contact under X,Y & Z conditions.<p>You have to determine what those conditions are, and then let her go and let her decide if she wants to join you the type of relationship you want, or not.<p>However, in the mean time, IMHO, you need to study up on what a good relationship is all about, about give and take, and support, but mature love, and then you will be ready to decide how to proceed with whatever happens.<p>again, this is just more research on yourself to be the best you can be, and to be prepared to succeed when you meet a great opportunity, whatever form that may take.<p>good luck
WIFTTy