<small>[ August 08, 2004, 03:30 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

I kind of have a headache, so this may not come out exactly as I want, but I will try.<p>I love my H 100%, just as I once loved my ex 100%. One doesn't replace the other. <p>An example, though not the best, is pets. I had this cat, Tabitha, and she still lives with ex. My H and I have a cat, Tess (Hi Tess [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] - she reads here when I'm sleeping, I'm sure!) and I love her so much, just as I love Tabitha, so much. Just as much as I loved Friskie, and Favorite, and Jada, who are in kittie cat heaven. I loved them all, though some are gone.<p>Another example might be the miscarriage I had. I loved that baby, born or not, just as I loved my other babies before they were born. One never replaced another. I had enough love for all of them.<p>So... it is possible to love my new H as much as I loved my prior H, but it's different. <p>You ask if I think about my ex. Yes, I do: sometimes with anger, sometimes with tears, and yes, even sometimes with a pleasent, warm feeling. I care about what happens to him. However, he is not my responsibility any longer. That's been a toughie for me, because after 20 years of being his wife (and frankly, feeling a bit like a parent to him) it was hard to let go, but I had to... I have my new H to love and care for, and my ex has his life to live.<p>Hopefully, this answers your questions... like I said... my head... ouch.<p>[ November 08, 2001: Message edited by: Nyneve ]</p>

Sheryl,
I don't think that question could have been answered any better. <p>Jill

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 03:31 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

LL. <p>This is a tough one. (I've re-written the post 3 times trying to get it right..) <p>LL. If you are married and you are headed for a divorce I would recomend holding off a while.<p>If however you are divorced,,, And its been a while since you've had a relationship,I would suggest EZing into it. <p>Now let me explain. Man this is coming up from deep inside me. LONG PAUSE. DEEP BEATH.<p>Since I seperated 18-20 months ago. I've had 2 relationships that went sexual. The first one only 3-4 months after the sep.. I needed to be validated. I know, I know. It was wrong. And after all that I had been through for the prior 11 years I though "By god I deserve this." I told my pastor about it. My consternation as I explained it to him was this.. these are my exact words to him. "I don't know what is the greater sin. Having sex while I am still married, or enjoying it so much!" I sat there in front of him and cried like a baby. It was sexual, and the kick is the emotional part was fake. Yea, I was going through the motions of being emotional, but I really wasn't.<p>Relationship #2 went P after the 3rd. date. and has started drifting apart for the last month or so. But this time it felt different. I'm a participant. This time I find that I just want to be friends. She just doesn't have what I am looking for. She is a good person. I would help her out anytime. I just don't want to BE in a relationship w/ her. <p>I guess the point I am trying to make is only you will know when the time is right. Only you will know when you are with the right person. The fact that I have these feelings right now seems to tell me that I'm healing and exploring, and learning what it feels like to be me again. I DO NOT want to be somebodies pupit. (Sex slave on the weekend, lets seeeee maybe,, Ops [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>WOW, I can't believe I'm saying this one... If you want sex you can have sex. But thats all it is just sex. Its a reliever of stress among other things. BUT THAT ALL IT IS.. Sex w/ a person you TRUELY love is a communion of souls, of breath, a oneness that can never be touched by the commonness of just sex. I believe sometime in the future I will find that person. If you have then go for it. If you haven't you'll know it. <p>I'm starting to feel like I'm babling again and I really don't want to have to erase this again..<p>Does this make sense? <p>Tex.

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 03:32 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>