Today, I asked my WS what, if anything , she thoght about "us". I KNOW it's not the thing to do. But...

She said I seem like a new man, a great guy. Se said if you look a the "pieces" I'm great. But.. she says she can't see me as "new". That the old isuues( fighting, my LB's) are still there for her. That she can't love me the way the way I want. To want to be w me, just me. She's not sure about filing, says she doesn't thing the feelings will come back. That she's looked for them...That she doesn't want to keep me in limbo. That there's too much old baggage, she doesn't want to keep me from the love I deserve..<p> I asked about OM; she says she can't deny that they're very close. She says she does not love him. That he's been very supportive of her..he does love her. Says she doesn't ant a heavy relationship now..<p> I have reason to believe that they have a serious relationship, that she sleeps over there often....she won't admit to that, I didn't push it..<p> I told her I had a dream of our family, a great one. She said it sounded great, but is enjoying living on her own, that it didn't come soon enough..<p>No LB's, a calm conversation. Said I loved her, she changed topic.<p> I wonder if it IS too late, if her heart is empty for me. I feel wooden..

How can you love someone who doesn't love you; a terrible place to be.<p> What would you do...Help<p>[ November 09, 2001: Message edited by: Family Man ]</p>

whoops<p>[ November 09, 2001: Message edited by: Family Man ]</p>

I have been dealing with this since the end of August 2001. My H came to me and told me he doesn't love me anymore and he walked out on me and my two boys. To this day there is no evidence of an affair at all. The pain and hurt is indescribable. How can someone just stop loving you after being married for 8 years? I still haven't found the answer to that one. I expressed my love to my H quite a few times after he left but I never got anything back. My H is determined to no longer be a part of my life. He has filed for D and I just received the papers. I have been seeing a counselor and I am dealing with the pain and trying to sort out my feelings. I have to admit that the feelings of love I had for him back in August are not so strong now. I am starting to let go and move on because my H refuses to reach out, his mind is set and I can't change how he feels. That is the biggest thing I have learned: You can't make someone love you.<p>I truly know what you are going through. I hope that things will work out and your W will see what she is missing. Make sure you take care of yourself right now. I never realized how strong I am until I look back on the past few months and what I have gone through.<p>Hang in there,<p>K

K- thanks for you words. I went through two counsellors; I find they didn't really help as much as I had hoped. They didn't offer much in the way of observation or direction! I found reading and audio books to be much more valuable for me, so far..<p> My wife and I are very "friendly"; we get along very well. She flatters me often; but says she doesn't love the "way I want"...<p> Does your husband express any desire to be part of your life; ie the famous "friends" line? It seems obscene that he would walk out on his family. I'm trying hard not to flame him here!

Steve H had told me once to "embrace the opportunity to be friends, then demonstrate your change." Might that work for you?<p> Dan

Dan-<p>My H keeps saying that he doesn't want to fight or argue and that he hopes that we can be friends later on down the road. Right now, "friends" seems like a joke since he was the one that walked out. I am looking at everything and making my decisions based on my children's and my own future.....I want the boys to know their father. I am trying so very hard right now just to be civil because I have been so angry and hurt and I pray that sooner or later these feelings will subside some. The only reason he gave me for leaving is that he doesn't love me anymore the way a husband should love his wife. To this day, there is no evidence of an affair and I have even confronted him with it. He has no reason to lie and I told him so. At first, I tried to hang on to our marriage but he is absolutely set against getting back together and there isn't much more that I can do but to try and put my life back together again. By the way, I received the divorce papers last week so that pretty much settles his feelings.<p>Thanks for listening!
K