I'm broken and hurt so bad tonight..After i opened my heart up to the stbx and cried from the deepest depth of my heart..He told me how the baby and i are his family..But tonight he emailed me and decided that he wants the divorce..I hurt so much i just don't understand..He said he cared at one time..But he never loved me..Why couldn't the baby and i been important enough to him..Why did he have to give up on us and leave us when we needed him the most..He and the baby are what matter the most to me they are my family..I just don't understand why he told me he had loved me at one time it's hard for me to believe it was all a lie..I loved him so much..Why couldn't he have loved me back..I hurt so much i can't do this anymore. I don't want to go on like this it hurts so much. Why couldn't i be worthy enough and why couldn't the baby and i been important enough to make things work..Are we that horrible to be rejected..Sorry i just hurt so much...Its been 6 months since he left and moved across the united states..I don't want to give up but i guess i'm being forced to..I've never hurt and been in so much pain as i do now...I want him to care and love me like i love him back..AND It hurts to much because he doesn't i just don't understand why...I'm dying inside..

HI JC's Mommy,<p>I'm so sorry. I know how bad you hurt. I've lived it too, and I have survived.<p>Your baby needs you to be strong, it'll take some time, but every day it will get a little bit better, I promise. Please don't hurt, please.<p>Know that you are not alone in how you feel. I'm saying a prayer for you and your child. If you like I can post a prayer request on the Prayer Request Board for you and your family.<p>God is watching over you. He brought you here, didn't He?<p>God Bless you, Hon.
Jo<p>[ November 12, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

I am so sorry to read about your pain. I think I understand how deep it must be. How it must cut like a knife.<p>During the first year or two after my x left, I had periods when I was so depressed that I considered it to be a good day if the children and I were dressed and fed and delivered to the appropriate places at approximately the right time. If I could keep from ranting, railing, and screaming at God to stop my pain. To fix my marriage. To give me what I wanted.<p>And I remain grateful, to this day, to my wonderful psychologist and to my psychiatrist for their help. My wonderful counselor held my hand and propped me up when I simply couldn't make it through the day. He talked to me at non-office-hour times when I needed him. He called me during the day if he could tell from my message that I was desparate. He was fabulous. And my psychiatrist was wonderful to understand when I was so depressed that I needed medication then. I needed to start it that day - not in 2 weeks when I could get an appointment and he called in the prescription based on my telephone call.<p>There were times when I was so low, so blue, so hurt, that I understood why someone could kill their child then kill him/herself. I honestly understood it. I could never have done it but I did understand it.<p>I was lucky, though. I kept believing that, with God's help, I could get through this.<p>I understood that individuals have the gift of choice and that this so-called man to whom I was married could choose to leave me. To hurt me. To devastate our children. And I couldn't change that. And God will let him do that. That, by making this choice, my now-x was saying that God could not have his first choice (which would have been healing for our hearts and home). <p>So, please know that you are not unlovable. That your child needs you. Better to have a happy, healthy, stable mom than no one who will be there. You can't let this man ruin your life. Sure he may cause a lot of emotional scars but with the right care they can be minimized.<p>If you have a church home, talk with your minister about your needs. Lots of ministers are not adequately trained to do long-term counseling but they can make referrals. Many counseling services offer sliding scale fees. There also may be community mental health agencies in your area which can provide psychological and psychiatric care at a reasonable fee. Plus such care may be covered by your medical insurance.<p>Do not neglect to take care of yourself right now. Please reach out for help. I can tell you desparately need it. <p>You can make it through this.

Hi JScM,<p> I feel your pain and am living it also. I would like to invite you to come over to the General Questions II boards. We are like family, not that the D/D board folks aren't also.<p> Please visit and post so we know you are there. <p> I am saying a prayer that you be comforted right now, this minute. <p> Stay strong, and don't take too much of what the stbx tells you, at this time, to heart. It is just his fogese talking. <p> Blessings to you<p> jd

Jc's_Mommy,<p>H said thing and do thing that is not rational and they are not themself. You have someone needing you much more right now and be strong. Focus on the little one for now ... stbx might said thing but being served is another story. My WW keep saying to get D, after D-day on Sept, but up to now I have not receive it yet. Time will heal you ... be strong for now.

JCsM,<p>I haven't posted to you before, but I can sense your deep pain and wanted to stop by and say hi.<p>Please know that you ARE worthy of love, affection, devotion, and respect. I hope you're able to understand that your H is just plain NOT IN A GOOD PLACE right now. Please take EVERYTHING he says with a SPOONFULL of salt.<p>I don't know if you're inclined to or not, but please try to hand some of this hurt over to God. Know that He loves you.<p>It's ok to feel bad, it is NOT a character flaw to cry and mourn the possibility of your M coming to an end. Just try to live each minute at a time, for YOU and the BABY.<p>Post here (or even in the GQII forum for more traffic) often. Try to share some of your pain with those of us here. Collectively, we have VERY broad shoulders and might be able to help you make it through some of the difficult times.<p>Pray to God for strength, understanding, and the ability to continue. He will answer these prayers.<p>Please know you're in my prayers tonight.<p>Please take care,
Kevin

JC's Mommy--<p>Please don't be alone right now...please find some good friends, family, someone...and reach out to them...let them know how much you are hurting...<p>Your H IS NOT rejecting YOU...you know it is so much more complicated than that...and that it is about HIM, not you and your beautiful baby.<p>THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO...is to reach out...look out for yourself and your baby...find strength and grow in strength...<p>The pain will fade...easy words...but it will...and it will fade faster WHEN you don't give it anymore power...<p>That is your choice JC's Mommy...to give the situation power over you...or to keep the power for yourself...<p>You are here...so I know you can do it...you have many people here who care about you and understand your situation...<p>God has not abandoned you...He is holding you in His hand waiting for you to call on HIM and show faith in HIM...

Dear JC's mom,<p>You are important and of great value to all around you. Sometimes, people take forgranted the ones who are always there. Moms get taken for granted a lot. We can forgive our children when they do that but when another adult, the one that was suppose to protect us, does this, the pain is deep. <p>I feel your pain and know that you will survive. The hurt right now appears to be unending but that is not true. Look at your little one. The baby has eyes of love and looks to you for comfort. Remember that you are the one that give that comfort. <p>Now look at your baby again. This time, look for comfort from your baby. Give the baby a hug and feel the love return to you. <p>Yes, your H is not doing his job, he is not giving the love that rightly belongs to you and your baby. This is wrong. As a result, you hurt. But you are not scarred for life. You have what he does not have. You have your baby's love right there with you. <p>Cherish what you have. Know that you have more than your H does. He will hurt one day. That may help him turn around. Until then, continue to be a good mom and love your baby. <p>Hugs to you....
L.

{{{Jc's_Mommy}}}<p>You are a valuable, cherished human being. Your H is SO WRONG. I know that that does not make the pain less now, but your pain is NOT YOUR fault. You cannot contol what your H does. That is a sad fact. He will have to live the rest of his life with the choices he has made and what he has done to you and his child.<p>One day - and that day WILL come - he will realize the consequences of his actions, and he will live with the kind of person he has become. He is wrong to hurt you so, and on day he will know it. He will have a hole in his heart forever. He is a very irresponsible man.<p>NOW, Jc's_Mommy, you must hang on. Your baby needs you. You are a lifeline, a mommy. You WILL feel better in time, even if you have never felt worse in your life right now.<p>Until then, do you have a doctor? You surely can benefit from one now. The emotional turmoil that you have been going through changes your body and damages your immune system. Stress changes your brain chemistry and can cause depression over and above what you will naturally be feeling.<p>Do you have friends whom you can lean on now? Mom and Dad? A sibling?<p>We are here for you. As others have said, feel free to come over to GQ2. There are lots of us who will hold your hand and hug you as you work through this.<p>Estes

Jc's Mommy,<p>Are you okay? Can we hear back from you to know that you're doing alright, please?<p>Concerned,
Jo

Dear Jc's_Mommy:
Gosh, Tonight I posted something very similar to your post. I feel very much the same way you do. When I read your post it is easy for me to say that YOU ARE worthy of love and of being cherished and of having a man who will want to build a life with you and your baby. When you do, you current H will look back on his decision as the worst he ever made. It is he who will wondering why he is not worthy, which I guess, by definition, he isn't.<p>I have trouble seeing how I am worthy. Why wasn't I lovable enough to stay with? What did I do so wrong? <p>You will find the man, one day, who will love you and your baby and you will build a life together that will be more beautiful than this one ever was. That is hard to see right now, I know, because I cannot see it for myself, yet.<p>I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers,<p>vb_guy [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Thank you so much to everyone who responded to my post!!It means so much to me especially at this point in my life.<p>I'm once again having to battle and force myself to go on with each day. When i look at my baby all i really see is what he is going to have to suffer through because he is going to be without so much. I know i try every day to just forget about everything but i just get scared about making a mistake and ruining my childs life. Because of wrong choices or because of what i'm unable to provide him with.<p>My family is very small there are only 5 of us, my mom,grandma and the baby and i live with my aunt.My father passed away when i was really small so i never knew him. All i ever really wanted out of life was a family. I grew up with materialistic love but never the emotional support a child or person really needs. <p>Because my family has always lacked the closeness and affection alot of families have i grew up wishing for what i never had. And honestly i thought i found it. All i had ever wanted was for my stbx to love me and support me and be there for me no matter what, just as i was for him. I guess it's easy to be in denial when all this comes as a suprise, i never ever ever thought he would treat me and reject me like he has done. He knows how i grew up and ended up turning his back on his wife and son why i'll never know..<p>Sorry if i'm just rambling. The really sad thing is all this hurt and pain is turning me numb. And with that i'm afraid that i won't be able to give love because i'm feeling nothing. It seems like everything is alot better when you don't feel all the pain. I have friends that i can talk to but they are tired of hearing how hurt i am they try and tell me to forget and just move on.Well person who has been through what i'm going through will agree with me it's not that easy..<p>My stbx isn't paying a dime right now, why because he's not working. He say's he's been looking for a job since he was laid off. I know and i acknowledge he has tried to find another job but it can't be that difficult it's been almost 5 months now. I'm the only one supporting me and my baby but with 2+ jobs i'm still short on $$, i'm so scared and this also is another fear. I'm working my behind off and i'm never ahead $$..Sometimes i don't eat because other things are more important than me..I'm getting alittle help through wic which is great but there is still so much more i am only responsible for..Rent,car paymt, insurance, daycare..I'm never going to make enough i fear. The stbx has no expenses and nothing to worry about except his own guilt. I'm a christian and he says he is as well..He says the only one he goes to for counsel and guidence regarding me and our baby is the lord..I believe in god but if he seeks guidence from the lord, why would the lord allow him to put us through this...At times i'm afraid to pray anymore it's hard for me to believe that god is listening to me and cares about me..I don't know what to do all i know how to do best is cry..Help is what i want to scream but i don't even think i'm worthy enough anymore to be heard. I just feel so weak and it's like my body has been taken over by a sudden sickness that is slowly killing me...I don't even have the strength to pray. I'm really sorry for sounding like i feel sorry for myself..I need to get all this out i have no other place to turn to especially right now...But i know i have to go on my baby needs me and i will do whatever it takes to give him back his mommy..Thank you everyone for caring. Please keep us in your prayers..

Jc's Mommy,<p>You can always come by the General Questions II Board too, if you need to talk or vent or seek help/support.<p>Lv,
Jo

I have been where you are.<p>I was hurt so badly by a "good Christian man" and I was very angry with God for not fixing things. <p>But I realized that God gave his children the gift of choice. Sometimes we make good choices and sometimes we make bad choices. And there are natural and logical consequences to our choices. Sometimes our choices affect other people. <p>This means I have the ability to choose to get drunk then get in my car and drive through crowded streets. And if I kill someone in so doing, it was not necessarily God's choice but, rather, the result of my poor choice. God didn't choose for that person to die but He will allow me to follow through with my choice and to live with the results for the rest of my life.<p>God is there for you. As a source of strength. Not as the rescuer and fixer I used to think He is. But He provides alternatives and choices and an ever listening ear.<p>Do you journal? Pour this stuff out in writing. It's very cathartic. It will amaze you, in the future, to look back on these days and see how far you have grown. Start today. A spiral notebook and a pencil are all you need. And you can even call your husband all the mean names you are probably thinking. But it's only for your eyes.<p>Now, more importantly, if this has been going on for 5 months, you're getting worn down by it. And there was probably trouble before he left.<p>I would bet good money that you are clinically depressed. Do you have a physician - just a family doctor will work? Make an appointment today. Go in and tell the Dr. what is going on and how you feel. I think the dr. would probably recommend an antidepressant. They don't cure everything but they certainly help when you simply can't cope due to stress and depression.<p>Like I said, I've been where you are. My doctors understood completely. And were more than helpful. <p>Don't do this just to get me off your case. Do this so you can be a more effective mom. And after you call the doctor, call your attorney and tell them about the latest development.

I know everyone above has said, what I would say to you. I just want to reinforce that you are not alone. The pain you feel is real and seems unbearable at times. <p>I am sorry you have to feel this pain, I know it personally and don't wish it on anyone! Keep your faith that you will find love and happiness. Try to make each day a little better. <p>Take baby steps.<p>[ November 13, 2001: Message edited by: eyes_wide_shut ]</p>

Jc's Mom, There are many of us here that know the pain you're feeling. I'm so sorry you're going through this. <p>You may not see this right now but please try to consider. This isn't about you!!! This isn't about your worthiness as a partner or a person or whether you're lovable. This is about your H and his issues. Please don't let this demean your self worth! <p>There are some fantastic people here and they've given you subperb advice. All i can really add is something that gets me through the ugly days: "This too shall pass" Yeah, I know, sort of trite but if you say it and think it, it can be very comforting. <p>I'm not a religious man but my thoughts are with you!<p>Take care

Jc's Mommy,<p>How are you today? Are you feeling better?<p>Estes