I'm broken and hurt so bad tonight..After i opened my heart up to the stbx and cried from the deepest depth of my heart..He told me how the baby and i are his family..But tonight he emailed me and decided that he wants the divorce..I hurt so much i just don't understand..He said he cared at one time..But he never loved me..Why couldn't the baby and i been important enough to him..Why did he have to give up on us and leave us when we needed him the most..He and the baby are what matter the most to me they are my family..I just don't understand why he told me he had loved me at one time it's hard for me to believe it was all a lie..I loved him so much..Why couldn't he have loved me back..I hurt so much i can't do this anymore. I don't want to go on like this it hurts so much. Why couldn't i be worthy enough and why couldn't the baby and i been important enough to make things work..Are we that horrible to be rejected..Sorry i just hurt so much...Its been 6 months since he left and moved across the united states..I don't want to give up but i guess i'm being forced to..I've never hurt and been in so much pain as i do now...I want him to care and love me like i love him back..AND It hurts to much because he doesn't i just don't understand why...I'm dying inside..

Hi Jc's Mommy,<p>I'm so so sorry you are going through this. I know how much it hurts. You dont' deserve this.<p>My ex left when our youngest d was 15 months old. Like you, I could never understand how he could do what he did.<p>All I can say is you have to be strong for your baby. My babies pulled me through it, your's will too. Focus all your attention on your baby, and then if you have any left over, focus it all on you. Do something that you love doing, whatever that may be. Give yourself something positive and nice to look forward to every single day, even if only for 5 minutes. The next day it may give you pleasure for 10 minutes.<p>This process has been described as like a baby learning to walk. We all have to take those baby steps through this process.<p>When I look back, I don't know how I got through those first horrible weeks and months. But I did, and you will too. My family lived 2000 kms away from me when we first broke up, but even their long distance support was invaluable. No matter where your family and friends are, call them. Cry on their shoulder. They will want to be there for you while you are going through this. Let them be there for you. And we'll be there for you too.<p>There are so many wise and wonderful people here, from all walks of life, with so many different experiences. Learn from them, and grow with it. <p>You won't believe this now, but you will learn from this, and grow from it. I know I have.<p>Look at your beautiful baby, he? will get you through this. If ever you have dark thoughts, go and look at him. And then you'll realise that you do have something to go on for. And go on you will girl, you will rise above this.<p>Whatever is meant to be, will be.<p>I believe that with all my heart.<p>Focus on your baby and you. You don't deserve this, and you shouldn't be going through it. But unfortunately you now have to.<p>Lean on us here, know that we are here for you. And know that we understand. That's the beauty of this site, we all understand.<p>I wish I could give you a hug. I can feel your pain through your post. Take care friend, and please please try and stay strong. You will be ok.<p>love and hugs<p>Jo

Hi, I know exactly what you feel. You have written my expressions and feelings exactly. I am sorry soo sorry for this happening to you. Letting go of a limb is and would be easier I know. How are you doing today.?
misslisa@visp.net<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Jc's_Mommy:
<strong>I'm broken and hurt so bad tonight..After i opened my heart up to the stbx and cried from the deepest depth of my heart..He told me how the baby and i are his family..But tonight he emailed me and decided that he wants the divorce..I hurt so much i just don't understand..He said he cared at one time..But he never loved me..Why couldn't the baby and i been important enough to him..Why did he have to give up on us and leave us when we needed him the most..He and the baby are what matter the most to me they are my family..I just don't understand why he told me he had loved me at one time it's hard for me to believe it was all a lie..I loved him so much..Why couldn't he have loved me back..I hurt so much i can't do this anymore. I don't want to go on like this it hurts so much. Why couldn't i be worthy enough and why couldn't the baby and i been important enough to make things work..Are we that horrible to be rejected..Sorry i just hurt so much...Its been 6 months since he left and moved across the united states..I don't want to give up but i guess i'm being forced to..I've never hurt and been in so much pain as i do now...I want him to care and love me like i love him back..AND It hurts to much because he doesn't i just don't understand why...I'm dying inside..</strong><hr></blockquote>

Why do spouses stray or seek divorce? Many reasons ultimately boil down to the that spouse's disillusionment with their life, disappointment that "things did not turn out as they planned." Lost dreams, midlife crisis, stuck in a rut, dissatisfaction with self, fear of getting old, no
vision for the future etc, etc. It has so much less to do with the You Than the spouse than many of us initially thinks it does.

Thanks everyone for acknowledgment..I feel like i'm not good enough, and it hurts so bad to be rejected. Especially by the one who promised to stand by your side no matter what..I'm not doing any better today..Stupid me i called up the stbx and once again cried my heart out to him, to once again get it broke..He said he was "Sorry" he didn't feel the same way i do..I asked him then why would he tell me he loved me and i said thats a lie..He went on to say he was lying to himself all along..He thought he did but really didn't..I just want to hate him so much..So i can atleast move on but i believed in my stbx so much and loved him..It just hurts that he didn't feel the same about our family that we were more important than only his needs..and his feelings..What a jerk he is..I know i'm not alone but i feel like i am..I know this will all make me stronger..But at this point i don't think the outcome for me will be a good change with the way i feel, i'm scared it's going to make me less able to love in the future..Why are they so selfish???..

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

I don't normally post on D/D, I usually post on General Questions, but I read a lot, and your post really touched me, I know the pain you are feeling I feel it everyday and have 3 kids to raise,please don't say you can't go on, you can and you will. You will became a better and stronger person from this. don't try to figure out why you will never find the answer and you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. you must accept the situation for now, and take one day at a time. Do you have family near by for support? and also maybe some anti-depressants it might be a good idea for you now it would help you cope a lot easier. try not to find answers to those difficult questions you keep asking yourself, the answers will come in time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.<p>
Love Sally

Jc's_Mommy - I am up in the middle of the night because I am wrestling w similar issues. I feel so bad for you; it seems so terrible that someone we care so deeply for can turn their backs on love, commitment and family.

We may never understand why. It has more to do with them than with us.<p> Do you have any support from family or friends now? Are you able to get personal councelling? To me, it seems that help is critical in trying to navigate this crisis. <p> I pray for your strength and peace, and for your children. And that you can see your own beauty. And that your husband learns to see the treasure he's turning his back on.<p> Dan