Hello everyone:<p>Some of you may remember me - I had posted a few months back. As a reminder, I will give some brief background re my situation. <p>I am 30 years old my wife is 29 - we have been together for ten years (married for four). Last January, shortly after the holidays, my wife dropped the D bomb on me . . . .I knew she had been unhappy but never realized the extent of that would cause her to take this drastic step. I have basically been guilty of ignoring my wife's emotional needs. No infidelity, alcoholism, drug abuse or physical abuse are involved. We have no children. <p>My wife is one of the most stubborn and practical individuals I have ever met. Once she gets something in her head, there is no changing her mind. In the initial months she just completely shutt off emotionally - was as cold as can be. I did the all too familiar begging, pleading, crying bit which served to only further push her away. After a couple of months of no progress, things got real ugly in the spring. I made a major mistake and tried to intimidate her by playing hardball. I filed for the divorce and told her I would make sure she knew this would be the biggest mistake of her life. LAte spring and early summer of this past year were the most horrific few months of my life . . .she moved in with her parents fo r a while and then moved back in with me cause they were non-supportive. . . through out this past year . .aside from a couple of friends .. nobody has supported my wife in her decision. . everyone around us including her own family think she is crazy to want to leave me.<p>It is during this time she convinced herself the divorce was absolutely what she wanted that she decided to put down some money toward the purchase of a house near where she works about twenty miles from where we currently live. . .we negotiated a settlement agreement where I buy her out our current home, we even split up the furniture . . <p>around mid-summer I discovered this web site and decided to read everything i could about what we were going through . . . my love for my wife has never waivered throughout this ordeal . . in fact, in a funny way I love her more because I admire her strength and courage to make the decision she made to seek out her happiness . . I have told her this much . . I also realize what I did wrong . .i was basically an immature kid when we married four years ago . . .this past years ordeal has turned me into a man . . I have re-examined every aspect of my life and reprioritized all . . .I want my wife back more than anything in this world<p>given all this, I begin effectuating an intensive Plan A toward the end of summer . . .saw major progress over the last couple of months . . September 11 tragedy had a lot to do with it as well as it seemed to bring my wife and I closer together . . her heart softened . . we spent lots of quality time together but have not shared a physical relationship for over a year now . . things seemed to be rollling along grandly . . .my position was that I would patiently await a committment from her to work on the marriage . . .to me that meant dropping all divorce proceedings and figuring out the financial aspect of the two house situation <p>as a matter of fact last week was my 30th birthday and I fully expected my wife to do something special . . .she did nothing but tell me happy birthday . . .she still has not dropped the divorce proceedings and has turned remarkably colder again for no rhyme or reason<p>a few days ago she told me that she sees no way with which to proceed but to finalize the divorce . . I could not believe it . . I was devestated as I was fully expecting a reconciliation . . she says that I should not equate divorce (its just a piece of paper) with the end of our relationship . . .she just feels she needs some time on her own to find herself again<p>I have no idea what to do . .her new house is near completionas it was purchased new construction . . .I feel so helpless . . have a given Plan A enough time . . .I dont want her to move out . . . I love her so very much and am willing to do anything to save this marriage<p>last night I put together a few words in a letter I plan on giving her when she gets back from a weekend trip she took with a girlfriend of hers - it reads as follows:<p>I just wanted to let you know how much I missed you terribly when you were gone. The overwhelming feeling of emptiness and incompleteness I feel every time we are far apart never ceases to amaze me. I love you so much that it literally hurts. <p>Before you left last Wednesday evening, we had a brief discussion in which I indicated to you that I doubted you knew the extent and degree of my feelings for you. xxxxxxx, I LOVE YOU with every fiber of my being. You are the world to me and everything in it - for you "I would bleed myself dry."<p>I think that this message may have been lost recently or not come through as much as it should have. The reason for that is that I am human and feel tremendous frustration at the current state of our relationship. It becomes all too easy for all of us to want to simply "throw in the towel" on a situation. Over the long and lonely weekend I spent without you, I gave "us" a lot of thought. I so desperately want things to be right between us that I sometimes forget to be patient. I so very much want to be the one that makes you happy once again and fulfills your every dream and aspiration. I have to remind myself of the underlying reasons we are where we're at and the role I played in getting us there. <p>On the flip side, however, I need to make you clearly aware of my iron resolve to express my undying love and commitment to you. I need to make you clearly aware that I have learned from the lessons of the past and that I am truly a better human being for it. I continue to pray night and day that the good Lord will touch your heart and allow you to "have a little faith in me." I know you are frightened to commit to us and also understand the reasons for that. Please know that I am now "on your side" and that together I believe you and I can forge a rock of a relationship, one immune to erosion from the storms of life. A love affair to last us a lifetime. <p>These past several days apart from you gave me a frightening preview as to what a life without you in it would be like - simply unbearable. I'm thankful for this new found insight as it has truly strengthened my resolve. You need to know that I will not stop trying to win back your respect and love. No matter what it takes, no matter how long it takes, nothing will stand in the way of my sharing my life with the only woman I've ever loved and the only woman I ever want to love.

I know in my heart of hearts that in the end, you will take my hand and we'll both "step out of these shadows and go where we can shine".<p>END<p>The words in quotes are song lyrics from a few songs I also recorded and plan on giving her along with the letter . . .these songs express the message i am trying to convey much more powerfully than I ever could<p>
Anyway . . . the letter serves as the start of a last minute relentless campaign to save my marriage - one final push<p>somebody please advise me if I am doing the right thing! God bless us all<p>ACE

wife should be home in an hour or two . . . im kinda nervous but looking forward to seeing her . . its do or die time for this marriage people!!!<p>WISH ME LUCK!<p>ACE

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 03:36 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Laura:<p>thank you so much for your response - I agree with what you had to say . . no one likes negativity . . .I am eliminating all the negative comments from the letter b4 i give it to her (ie. elimination of first paragraph) <p>thanks again and god bless us all !<p>ACE

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 03:36 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Laura:<p>thanks for you response<p>i have not given her the letter yet . . did not want to bombard her with our situation so soon after her return . . .have spend some quality time together and plan on giving it to her later in the week<p>thank you for caring - by the way, what makes you a dweller of these boards if I might ask (ie. marital circumstances)? <p>ACE

Laura:<p>thanks for responding<p>I did not give her the letter yet as I did not want to bombard her immediately after she returned from her trip - just spent some quality time with her and will give it to her later in the week<p>thanks for caring - by the way, what makes you a dweller of these boards anyway (ie. current marital circuumstances)<p>ACE

is it smart to tell your WS that you will never give up on her or the marriage OR is that too forceful and strong? . . .on one hand I want to let her know how much she means to me BUT in the other I dont want to scare her off or make her feel trapped ....she has said things in the past that indicate to me she thinks i am trying to control her . . .<p>bottom l,ine however . . is that I mean what I say . . .the only way she gets rid of me is by killing me. . . i am one persistent [censored] and will NEVER give up until this marriage is restored<p>would you ladies find this approach endearing or annoying?<p>thoughts/comments?<p>ACE

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 03:37 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

spent another very quality evening with her last night . . .we really seem to be connecting . . .i feel good about this . . . .i think i may be able to pull this damn thing out of the fire if i play my crads right . . .her fog seems to be lifting and she is in a positive frame of mind and a good mood . . im not sure I know why however? <p>kinda scary<p>ACE

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 03:38 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>