I am new to this web sight so bare with me if I am not up on the ins and outs of everything for a little while. <BR>I am a mother of 4, my husband and I seperated after 7 years of marriage. We have been seperated for 6 years now and recently divorced. During the seperation we rarely saw one another and my husband rarely saw the children. I would say that our marriage endured many hardships and probably survived longer than most considering circumstances. We both have had serious relationships during this seperation I have had 2 (including an engagement) and he had until recently been living with a woman since our initial seperation (she was a friend of mine too). I guess I could say that we just didn't talk at all after the big bang and when we met recently everything that was there between us still exists. But there is also a humbling and some gained wisdom on both sides. The communicatio has been tricky at times though we have both expressed a dedication to move through it with an underlying respect and commitment to the new/old relationship. I have always told my children that mistakes are for smart people if we learn from them. I think this would be the best opportunity to really put that beleif to testing. I wonder if anyone has some relevent feedback or would like to share with me some experience they or someone they know has had. I don't doubt this will be our greatest challange. We always considered ourselves soul mates (to coin a phrase) There was great happyness in our marriage for many years. It really went bad during the last 2 years when I got pregnant for the 4th and was very ill. It was like neither of us could take anymore and gave up on the whole thing. It is also important to note that both of us have had an ongoing feeling during the seperation that we would never feel that was about anyone else again - but now we have a chance to get it back I am happy but both of our hearts and the hearts of our children are at risk. The love still lives so strongly though.<BR>kim

Kim,<P>Because you're new to the site, I'd suggest that you go through ALL of it (Concepts, Q&A) and bone up on the MarriageBuilder concepts. Dr. Harley states that there are four rules that should be followed to have a successful marriage: the Rules of Protection (no lovebusters), Care (meet emotional needs), Honesty (complete), and Time. See what you think about them. If you "agree" with the concepts, I'd suggest that you share them with your husband.<P>I guess from a practical standpoint, I'd suggest that you go slowly. Integrate your husband back into family life, but in a "controlled" way so that the kids don't have any false expectations. If you both are willing, I'd suggest that you do counseling with someone versed in the MarriageBuilder's concepts. I've counseled with Steve Harley here at MarriageBuilder's and had terrific success.<P>Bottom line: if you both love each other, and are willing to learn the skills and behaviors necessary to make a marriage work (and apply them, too!!), you should have an excellent chance at making things work again.

I also wish you the best of luck! There's one thing that disturbs me though in all of this. You say you were separated for 6 years, and he rarely saw your children? What kind of father is he? I could never abandon my kids like that! I've been separated from my wifw for the last 3 years, but I try to see my kids everyday. I would never let my feelings of anger or what ever the reason with my wife interfear with my relationship with my kids><P>Sorry to vent , but that is opinion anyway!<BR>I wish you the best of luck!<P>GMC900<BR>