confused, your story could have been typed by me a year ago, nearly word for word. It even got much, much worse than what you've said so far.<p>In my opinion, you've said your piece to the other guy, as did I, and no more contact is necessary. There are many who argue ANY contact is bad. Depends on the situation, but I can't see that another discussion with him would help.<p>If you can afford it, a session with the Harley's could be invaluable.<p>To me, whether you separate or not makes little difference in the long run of your success or failure in saving your marriage. If your wife wants to be with OM and you don't separate, she'll do what she can to be with him. Think in terms of what separation will do for your sanity, not your marriage. If you can live your life better separating, then separate. If being in the same house together is fine with you, then don't, or at least don't push for it. The thoughts of what your wife is doing apart from you might tear you apart like it did me, and what you have to do to ease that feeling is to do non-destructive things for yourself. I took up ice skating and being with friends more, and I'm quite good at both now. My drinking rate (very occasional) never changed before, during, or after divorce. I did come very close to getting an anti-depressant prescription, but the difficulty in getting off them scared me away from them.<p>One thought that helped me is that I'm making my life better. If my (now) ex wants to come along for the ride, she's more than welcome as long as she's willing to change herself as I have. If she wants to be mired in her own guilt and mess, that's fine by me.<p>Don't sit back and watch your marriage go down the drain. My marriage went down the drain, but not because I sat back. Be active. Do Plan A if that works for you, or Plan B if that works for you. Talk to the good people here, talked to divorced friends if you know any, talk to counselors, talk on alt.support.divorce, talk to yourself on a walk. Talk talk talk.
