I know, that no one here knows me very well here.. I am an old timer.. my ex left back in nov of 98, and thats when I found this site.. <p>since then I was never good at mb`ing, and had given up quite quickly due to my ex NEVER GIVING ME THE TIME OF DAY/ OR A CHANCE...<p>to make a three yrs ""gone"" long story, short... the other day, my daughter was out with the ex for visitation, (she is now 13, was 10 when he left) and he through her a bomb shell.. <p>He told her, to ask me if I would meet with him to have a talk about getting back together..!!!!!!!!!! I was shocked and floored to say the least.. <p>now mind you.. we NEVER talked much at all since, and if we did, it only pertained to business with the divorce, or about our daughter.. <p>
Now we are starting all over again.. and I have read alot of books, been here lurking, and have come a long way.. and I am not so sure this is going to work out, but I do know I still love my ex, and never stopped loving him, and our daughter will also have her family union/bond back as well, so I feel it is worth a shot.. <p>the thing is.. I am still in shock, and we do plan to just date and take things very slow..<p>but, our divorce final, any second now.. <p>our paper work was all signed sealed and delivered and is just waiting by some judges desk to be signed and mailed back to us.. it is our three yr gone, aniversary, this thanks giving day.. (next week) and it is such a wonderful feeling to know we are going to try, and that I have a second chance.. but it is all so very scary to me as well.. <p>I just wanted all of you to know.. that no matter what happens in your lives.. time is the answer everything.. in time, anything could happen.. and as I saw it back then.. I was too ancious to get something back/done/accomplished.. like it had to happen right now, over night, and I had no patients.. now, I was just adjusting to being final.. and wamo! the fog lifts completely.. <p>some times people have to do what they THINK is going to work for them "selves", but in the end sometimes it all back fires.. and they have to face all the truths to what they decided for them selves.. not thinking of who else it all effected.. and in "TIME" they do pay the piper in some form or antoher.. <p>well enough of me.. I just wanted to share some good news here for the MB`ers for a change.. <p>
I do lurk here alot.. and I do wish you all lots of luck in your journeys in life.. but, it is just so so unpredictable.. one never knows that "anything" is for sure.. <p>sincerely........AV

WOW! What a wonderful story! I was just sitting here thinking about the element of time and how none of us really know what will happen and I log on and here is your story. I am very happy for you. I wish you the best of luck. I think it would be wonderful if you can reconcile for everyone's sake especially your daughter.<p>My WH is such a jerk. I have tried to do everything, but it is so hard. I now find myself fed up and withdrawing from him. I am not LBing, not really in Plan A or B, just living my life. The result is a sense of peace, that is until I see how upset my children are. I know their father is in a deep fog so he is not himself and terribly inconsiderate and selfish. I also know that there is nothing that can be done while he is in it. It was just very uplifting to hear your story.<p>Thank you so much and best of luck. Please keep us posted.<p>K

This is an awesome testimony. I will be praying for this to work.
Morriggs
morriggs@yahoo.com

Your post intrigued me for many reasons. My divorce is already final. I prayed and prayed for a miracle and for my marriage to be restored. Well low and behold my XH wants to reconcile.<p>I am so confused and scared right now, and don't know quite what to do. But I will say this, prayers do get answered and miracles happen!<p>Best of luck to you!
[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by numbheart:
<strong> I had given up quite quickly due to my ex NEVER GIVING ME THE TIME OF DAY/ OR A CHANCE...
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Wow. You really have NO IDEA how good it was to hear your "miracle." My situation is very similar to yours in the sense that my WH has given me NO indication that he wants anything to do with me. Never calls, or comes over, or ANYTHING. So many BS's here at least have SOME contact w/WH b/c of kids, or some indication that WS still feels "something" - just doesn't know what it is....<p>I had just about given up hope, although I believe God has told me to stand and believe. BUT even the saints needed SOME sign eventually that they were where God wanted them, right?!?<p>I "hear" advice all the time about, "Well, if he was interested AT ALL, I'd think you have a chance to save your M, but if he NEVER calls, what do you think YOU can do by believing in the impossible?!? He's moving on with his life..." and so you start to think that way, too! Then you pray that God would let you know you are doing what He wants, and here's YOUR story!<p>I humbly thank God and thank YOU for sharing it with us....it really lifted my spirits today!<p>May I ask you to share another little "detail" if it's not too personal? Was there an OW in the picture back 3 years ago? How was it that you ended up separated and div.'ing? Thanks for anything else you'd care to share.<p>I, also, will be praying that the Lord directs your steps, and shows you where He wants you to walk in this.
God Bless,
Lupo

Thank you all for your prayers.. I do still need them.. this is not resolved at all.. and time is what it will take to get any where at all.. <p>but I do want to say.. Still reeling- kids eventually do adjust to the situation at hadn, and in "time" (key word.. always) they them selves will see the situation for what it is.. I do give my daughter more credit then even my self, for how brave she has been.. it was very hard on her to see me so depressed, and him so happy, for a while.. and then, in TIME we all came to a point of calm with in our selves.. even my daughter.. she was in at a very vulnerable age.. and it was a tough time for us both.. but we grined and bared with it all.. we were up and down together with emotions, but hung in there.. <p>Morings.. I thank you too.. <p>Rejected.. A congrates in in order here for you too.. thats wonderful.. I will be thinking of you now every time my ex and I are together, talking again.. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] and about being scared dna confused.. me too.. I am still in such awe, I can`t stop worrying that he may just change his mind the first sign of negativity.. my ex is a piscies.. he has always been indecissive.. so I had gotten use to it.. but never thought he would go as far as a divorce.. well now, if there should be another blow I will be much more prepared.. and that is just a fact.. but goo luck to you.. K..<p>lupolady: yes there was an OW.. I nick named her "perdue" she is a cross between philis Diller and frank perdue.. (and he knows this is what I call her as well, now too..) long story.. and not going to go into that at this time..
This woman is still married, and they (supposidly) stopped seeing each other a few mths ago.. and THATS when he became lonely and started having all this alone time to really THINK!!! and he admited a few things, but never once said he still loves me.. so his loneliness is what is getting him, right now, besides missing out on sharing our daughters good and bad times, and missing the holiday gatherings, and (as he out it) missing just having a normal life again.. <p>my ex is 54 yrs old.. I am 47.. he is not getting any younger.. and he came to the conclusion it is best to have,then not to have at all.. and thats that in a nut shell (for now) but, who knows anything any more.. this could all take another turn at any given TIME!!! <p>the OW was an old high school freind that we bumped into and found out she and he husband lived in our town, and we started socializing with her.. and for 6 mths I watched her build an EA with my ex.. and was furious.. after that, it is history.. he was in a deep deep fog, in love with the loving feeling I guess he didin`t get from me any more.. (or so the old story goes..) <p>I call it mid life crisis.. he told me recently I was stubborn.. and in the next breath, I was an uncomplicate person to be with.. my answer to that was, I am just familiar to you, and (she) was complicating things.. and my stubboness was no different then any oe elses our age, and he was right up there on the top of my list as well.. <p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Thank you all for your prayers.. I do still need them.. this of course is not resolved just yet.. so we shall see.. <p>but I do want to say.. <p>Still reeling- kids eventually do adjust to the situation at hand, and in "time" (key word.. always) they them selves will see the situation for what it is.. I do give my daughter more credit then even my self, for how brave she has been.. it was very hard on her to see me so depressed, and him so happy, for a while.. and then, in TIME we all came to a point of calm with in our selves.. even my daughter.. she was at a very vulnerable age.. and it was a tough time for us both.. but we grined and bared with it all.. we were up and down together with emotions, but hung in there.. <p>Morings.. I thank you too.. <p>Rejected.. A congrates in in order here for you too.. thats wonderful.. I will be thinking of you now every time my ex and I are together, talking again.. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>and about being scared and confused.. me too.. I am still in such awe, I can`t stop worrying that he may just change his mind the first sign of negativity.. my ex is a piscies.. he has always been indecissive.. so I had gotten use to it.. but never thought he would go as far as a divorce.. well now, if there should be another blow I will be much more prepared.. and that is just a fact.. but good luck to you. K..<p>lupolady: yes there was an OW.. I nick named her "perdue" she is a cross between philis Diller and frank perdue.. (and he knows this is what I call her as well, now too..) long story.. and not going to go into that at this time.. <p>This woman is still married, and they (supposidly) stopped seeing each other a few mths ago.. and THATS when he became lonely and started having all kinds of time to really THINK!!! and he admited a few things, but never once said he still loves me.. so his loneliness is what is getting him, right now, besides missing out on sharing our daughters good and bad times, and missing the holiday gatherings, and (as he put it) missing just having a normal life again.. <p>my ex is 54 yrs old.. I am 47.. he is not getting any younger.. and he came to the conclusion it is best to have,then not to have at all.. and thats that in a nut shell (for now) but, who knows anything any more.. this could all take another turn at any given TIME!!! <p>the OW was an old high school freind that we bumped into and found out she and herhusband lived in our town, and we started socializing with her.. and for 6 mths I watched her build an EA with my ex.. and was furious.. after that, it is history.. he was in a deep deep fog, in love with the loving feeling I guess he didin`t get from me any more.. (or so the old story goes..) <p>I call it mid life crisis.. he told me recently I was stubborn.. and in the next breath, I was an uncomplicate person to be with.. my answer to that was, I am just familiar to you, and (she) was complicating things.. and my stubboness was no different then any one our age, and he was right up there on the top of my list as well.. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>the most important thing of all right now, is if this didn`t work out again.. I`m ok with it.. he is giving me a second chance, but also has to learn to communicate with me, and not hold everything in.. (which is what he did.. hid it all.. any ill feelings, and just said BYE!!!!) <p>I chased him when we first met.. I`m not ever doing that again.. this is all his wanting and doing.. and I told him, and he knows he is going to have to do alot of proving him self to me, as well as I my self making as much effort as he, to feel it is going to work out. so we are going to just date.. and he is not moving back here, until we both feel right about it all..<p>so thats the story.. sorry this turned into a book..!<p>thanks again every one..<p>AV

opps..... sorry!!! about the double post.. it`s been a long time since I have done this, and the site is so different.. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Your post gives me strength and hope in miracles!
Wish you patience and strength to go thru the time what would not be easy for sure. But I understood you still love your H so I believe you both will pass thru some difficulties what may happen.
Reading your post I found a lot of similarities (your age, H is Pisces, time line..), but also two important differences what may mace difficulies: my ex is my age and he lives with free OW (never married, just opposite:34-time to be married) and we are recently divorced.
I am in spite of this still hoping he'll come out of the fog and make a s tep towards me.
Was your H living with OW?How long were you separated? Sorry for asking.<p>Wis you all the best.

dear betrayed, my ex just left in 98, and NEVER looked back.. (or so I thought, from his none exsisting actions) and the OW is STILL married.. so no, didn`t live with her, and most likely they had one or two short week ends away, if anything in these last few yrs.. and mostly had to sneak around.. so yes, I can see where you are concerned, and living with some one is much more of a commitment.. BUT.. can also be a really rude eye opener as well.. give it time, and show your ex you have moved on, show "0" interest.. make lite of their exsistance... and live life as full as you can make it, and see what happens.. <p>it may sound crazy, but when you are not focusing on this, and go on with your every day chores, one day at a time, and start to re-enjoy life as it is, YOU WILL SEE A DIFFERENCE.. remember.. you are free now, he is tied down.. find a best freind, and go out as much as you can.. laugh and smile alot, even if your not all that happy.. beleive me, it will get back to him some how.. and he may reminise on what you did have.. <p>my ex said something to me about being a simple peronality to get along with, and not so complicated.. that stuck in my mind since our talk.. now although he didn`t live with this perdue.. he saw he had to get to know a new personality all over again, AT THIS AGE.. and I guess didn`t like it very much.. or at least thats what I got from the converstaion.. so everything eventually comes to a head... and one day he may look in the mirror, and realize he made a mistake.. and when he does.. (and he will) (for you) it may be too late.. but only TIME can know the answer to that one.. <p>go have some fun, and do it for you.. mark my words.. I`m now living proof.. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>good luck to you...AV

AV
thank you again for sharing your "happy end" . Hope that everything will go on in the best way for both of you.<p>I am aware that I have to refocus my life, but it's so hard.<p>One light point is that my OD decided last week to move in with me and my YD in spite of the completely different possibilities I have, much less money, small flat, me still nervous and in love with her father...
(you know even on court she decided to stay with father what surprised the judge and made me look bad)<p>I am so happy she finally come to this decision and knowing him (before the fog) he is so bonded with kids so I hope this may be the "wind" what will lift up the fog slowly.<p>Do you maybe know what exactly happend what made him see you again?<p>I know: patience, time, consistence.....<p>Sometimes it's so hard.<p>Please let us know what is happening with your M!
Love

Betrayed. Your welcome<p>and BTW: my daughter mentioned numerous times she wanted to leave and live with my ex as well.. and guess why.. mom was sad all the time, and dad was smiling all the time, BECAUSE mom wears her heart on her sleve, and dad was a good acter.. hence his holding things in and then just saying bye.. <p>my daughter and I were clashing big time, especially after she became a woman, and we both had pms, (same exact cycle too!! :eek [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] and we had to learn new ways to appraoch things, (and still do) with each other.. and of course the old teen attitude will be there for a bit longer, unfortunatly.. <p>but my answer to her is always the same.. sorry but no way `Jose.., he chose to walk away, and if I do anything for us, or between us, you, (D) are learning how to cope and resolve any issues we will have along the way, and not run away.. that is never an answer or option in my eyes.. <p>I`m happy she is comimg back to you, though.. that is really great.. good luck <p>my marital problems stems mostly due to both of us.. him: being the biggest avoider you could ever meet.. and me, not having the knowledge, at the time, to handle it all very well.. <p>so not to make this another "book" post.. we went through some very hard times... and we both handled things, as we saw it, but eventually, I tuned into my ex, and stopped talking about things.. it seemed I was making him more and more angry, so I try reverse phycology.. nothing was going to work, because (I didn`t know he was that far gone) and it was already too late.. he had his mind set.. and then perdue walked in and gave him the strength to leave, being he had some one to fall back on.. so I know, it was not "all OW`s fault" but she was the coprit, in the sinario.. and "is" still married.. so he finally saw he did not pick the best person to get him through this.. <p>whats the old saying.. life is like a box of chocolates.. you just never know what you have until you bite into it..!<p>lots of luck to you...AV

WOW! That's great for you, Numbheart! My prayers will be with you.<p>I can relate to much of what you posted regarding your situation and your marriage. My situation was very similar. However, I do have a coupla down-to-earth, nitty-gritty questions:<p>1) Did you ever stop loving your H in the past three years?<p>2) What about trust? Do you trust him?<p>I ask these because while I still love my H like a brother, I don't have any romantic love left for him. Also, I don't trust him. I take everything he says with a grain of salt. <p>And on top of it all, I'm not sure I even like him anymore. He's a very decent person for the most part, but I've come to realize that he doesn't have the emotional tools to sustain an intimate relationship.<p>I tried for the whole first year after D-Day to restore my marriage. It landed me in the hospital with a stress-attack. I finally had to let it go. <p>I would find it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to even consider taking my H back at this point. <p>HOW did you get to that point? What are your feelings about trust and love and all that after all you've been thru?<p>Thanks for letting me ask these questions....feel free to answer or not...up to you.<p>Aloha,
Ms.O

Mrs. O, Yes, I now have a big problem with trust... if you knew my ex`s past history, I am not his first marriage, and he had a live in, in between his first marriage, (who has still not given up on him, but he has on her, and married me) and me.. <p>yes trust is going to be a huge issue for me now.. and he knows that too.. we discussed that point in particular when we first met, after not seeing, or talking to each these last two yrs..<p>as a matter of fact, today is a whole week since we met, and had our talk, that of course didn`t all go as he planned, and so far I havn`t heard from him since.. at least not about anything to do with us.. we did talk about things pertaining to our daughter, two times during this last week, but nothing more..<p>we left our talk off with agreeing to take things really really slow, and re-get to know each other again.. but he has to know "we" will never be like "we" were again.. it will be different, and a bit off for a while until "we" can feel safe with each other again...<p>Yes I did still and do still love my ex, BUT!! for the longest time, I hated him as much as I loved him, as well.. so in essence, yes the love, (I remember it as) is still there.. along with alot of mixed emotions.. <p>the truth is, he is our daughters father, and the one I chose to grow old with.. and this was a set back, hopfully it will make us both stronger for a better future.. but if not.. I`m ok with that too... <p>I still have yet to talk to him again, since last week.. and for all I know, (getting everything out all in a few hours that night) he may just be thinking, what did I get my self into.. and perhaps is re-thinking his decission.. and may even come back with, "you know what, since our talk I have changed my mind.." but the difference is, this time I "AM" more prepared, and at this point, it wouldn`t matter much at all.. <p>this is all so weird and as though "we" ARE starting over.. so who knows?? <p>it is a pathetic world out there.. I did date since he left, and I can tell you this much.. at this age.. every one is in the same boat.. and the men "I" met, all don`t want to settle down again.. not for a long time.. and I do not want to keep running around, trying to find what I think is the right one, and may even turn out to be wourse them I already had, so why not make the best of what you have even better then ever before...<p>all the history is there between us, and photo`s to prove it all.. yrs of alot of memories.. and wouldn`t it be nice to keep looking back at them all, in our 70`s, or 80`s if we are lucky enough to live that long.. I think so....<p>thanks Mrs O.. you take care..

Dear AV,
thanks again.
Like you I can't stop loving my ex no metter how hard I try. Every time he comes to my flat (like yesterday-only to pick one or both of daughters) and sits a bit talks i wait for him to say "Come let's go home". <p>I personaly know that I will be able to trust him IF/WHEN he chooses to come back cause he never lied to me and this is his first A. That would not be the problem.<p>But I have problems with myself, these days, from when my OD came back to me, I have a feeling OW is pregnant. When I ask kids they do not denie , they do not want to talk about that "ask dad" and exactly these words frigten me. I know if it is truth then no more chanses exist for us.<p>I know him he is too honest to leave this kid and then he would marry her and stay till death. He is not a man who would go from one girl to another.<p>I am obsessed with this possibility today especially, usualy when I saw him like yesterday.<p>Unfortunately I love him so much and can't imagine that this two yrs are not more than "time out" and we'll be together again.<p>Besides I am too old to search for a new man especially when every person I compare with him.
Like you said: this is the man I believe/d will grow old with raise grandchilds with and be together till death.<p>Ms O how, why do you not feel love for your H?<p>Love to you all

Hi Betrayed and Desparate,<p>I still love my H....but now it's more like a brotherly kind of love. It's more than just loving mankind in general, but less than it should be for a husband/wife.<p>I held onto that intimate love for my H for soooo long. I had to let it go. My love bank was completely dry. I'm not saying that it would be impossible to "rekindle" that love for him; I'm just saying that it's gone and would take a ton of work to get it back.<p>When you're betrayed, lied to (even once), thrown over for another woman, etc., these things don't usually leave you with a "loving" feeling towards the other person. And while I don't hate him, I also relize that I don't feel that day-to-day love that a wife should for a husband. It's gone. I didn't want it to go, but it's gone. <p>
I can't explain it more than that...<p>Aloha,
Ms.O

Numbheart,<p>Praise God for your miracle!Don't let anyone steal this from you. Trust in God not man for all things. My husband has been gone two years and I know God will give me the miracle of restoration, in His time. If you haven't been to this site please go it really is good for restoration. www.restorem.org<p>gentle

Ms O thank you, but right now I need much more specific advice how to fall out of love with him cause on Friday I was informed that his OW is pregnant, very pregnant , about5-6 months so evrything is over and it seems the time has came to leave these web sites cause no marriage building is possible evr more.
my life is over.

Mrs O, for the last two of the three yrs my ex has been gone, I swear to you, I had given up.. never once beleiveing this could happen for us again.. <p>I was through a long time ago.. but still love him deep in my heart.. but my hate for him, for what he did to me and our daughter, was unforgivable.. I, Like him, never looked back, and even though there were times I did reminise, and sometimes even dwell on the thought, (on my alone times) with in another instant, I had a slew of freinds, that were there for me and very supportive, to lean on.. and knew I needed them, just for that reason..<p>I see the amount of yrs you two were together, and that says alot to me.. there is no way, he doesn`t reminise him self.. and he is starting over.. with a new born, and most men (I know any way) don`t want to start all over again, not only with an infant, but to get to know some one all over again, like that.. (and an infant puts alot of damper on slwoing that process down..) and one day he is going to look back, and say, (wheather to you or keeping it to him self) and be sorry for what he did.. <p>it is only natural.. these people THINK that they chose a better direction for them selves.. but in reality, NOT!!! and they do eventually realize that.. <p>I feel this way.. and this is only my opinion.. if he sees or hears about you going out and really really enjoying your self, and are scott free from any ties from INFANTS, like he is.. he is going to feel it alot sooner then later.. let me tell you.. when this child is born.. he may HAVE TO show her how happy, (he thinks) he is.. but sorry.. my opinion.. is, that he is not.. but it all hasn`t hit him (in the a__!) yet.. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]
[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>you just wait and see.. and although I know, none of what I have now written you is a comfort in your situation.. in TIME! it will be, and you will be the one to be sitting back with a smile on your face, for a change.. mark my words... <p>please take care of you, Mrs O.. it is of the utt most importance.... thats the best revenge of all.. be happy and let him sweat it out...<p>take care of you....AV

Dear AV
I think you've coincedently confused my letter with MsO
it is MY exh's OW is pregnant, not MsO's
Nevertheless thanks for encouraging but knowing my exH-that is exactly what he wants: completely new life with new woman and new kids, forgetting the past like never existed at all.
He showed no regret for OD leaving him and OW (and even in court she chose HIM not me).
He is happy left alone in new better life.
After all he is young enough to be a father 43 , opposite:I would be too old for a new child.
So unfortunately no reconciliation ever is possible, no future for us.
I hope I'll find strength to stand up.
Sill only hope.
Now i feel completely lost and broken-
Thanks
D