I'm sure like most of you here, I never thought I would find myself at a site like this. <p>First for the history. We've known each other for almost 9 years (exclusively) and married for 2 and a half years. We met in college and were each others first time (and only time since we got married shortly there after). She has always been the one to carry the relationship, i.e. she initiated the first kiss, moving in together, marriage, any deep discussion etc. <p>For the past year, she's checked out of the relationship, emotionally and physically. When I didn't pick up for her and steer the relationship back on course, she withdrew. It was a sign to her that maybe I didn't care. Emotionally, I have problems expressing myself and letting her know how special she is to me. <p>The other day, she told she has been "attracted" to someone else for the past year. Her feelings have not gone away, even after breaking off contact with this person for a period of months. She said they have not had physical contact, just discussions. An emotional bond. <p>He is providing the emotional needs she finds lacking in our relationship. I'm deeply hurt and embarrased. I feel like a failure. For the past few days I've done nothing but soul search, visit websites such as this and read everything I can. The problem is, I know her attraction to this person is an outcome of the emotional needs I haven't provided, but it may be too late to save our marriage. In her eyes, a separation is inevitable. She feels she may regret it years from now if she didn't at least explore what else is out there. I told her I would fight for her and that I would do anything to save our marriage. She said it may be too late. What do I do? It would kill me if she shared what we had with someone else. Please help.

First things first...<p>At least you realize that you've been neglecting her emotional needs. That is a HUGE first step.<p>Don't accept the failure of your marriage just yet. You said that she always "carried" the relationship...meaning that you were somewhat submissive to her direction. This is nothing to be ashamed of in and of itself, but NOW you need to change that situation. <p>She has said that there is little hope of saving the marriage. Are you willing to accept that? If not, then you are also going to have to accept responsibility for changing your relationship with your W.<p>This site has a wealth of information, as well as some practical tools that you can use to better the situation. Read it ALL, use it when you can, and read and post on this board as much as you can. There are people here who have saved marriages in much worse condition than yours!<p>Good luck.