I feel awful. Absolutely betrayed and not being at all dramatic. My spouse tells me he is selling computer software for a marketing <BR>firm and quite by accident I find out its a telemarketing company that fundraises. Noble yes. But why lie. He boasts how he sells all this stuff number 1 sales...and yet all he is a soliciter. I know he is working that is a blessing but he clears 268.00 pays exwife child support 125 a week and well that dont leave a lot for us I work hard and long hours to make ends meet. Help I am at a loss.<BR>Please I need advice Badly

I'm confused. Is it the honesty issue that concerns you or his lack of earnings?? I'm not condoning his dishonesty but it may be related to your view of him and his earning potential. If you have been belittling him for his lack of earning power maybe that is why he tried to glorify his job. This man and his vocational potential and his finacial repsonsibilities (child support) were not unknown factors to you before you married were they? Why are they issues now. I would like to relate the story of how my wife made a huge difference in me. I have the priviledge of being married to the most supportive wife on the planet. She was a professional when she married me an uneducated blue collar worker. She never belittled what I did or how much or little I made. After a couple of years of marriage I became restless with my job and decided I wanted to go back to school. My wife said go for it. I went to part time work and started college at 26 years of age. I soon was laid off from my construction job. After many weeks on unemployement (while still attending classes) I landed a job in the computer industry that paid me less then I was making on unemployment. But I had my first computer related job. My wife was both happy for me and proud of what I had accomplished. I was working nights going to school days when our son was born. We scrimped and scraped to make ends meet so she could stay home most days and only work two days a week. I finally landed a day job with a large corporation. Raises and promotions came pretty quickly. After seven years I finally graduated from college. My wife threw me a surprise party and she balled through most of it because she was so happy for me and for what we had accomplished together. I had a good job with a good future when I told her I wanted to start my own consulting company. She told me that if that was what I wanted to do she was sure that I would be great at it. After only 12 months in business we hit a real dry spell. I was out of work and I had not developed a wide enough network of business contacts yet. I was working landscaping for $5 an hour to buy groceries and ready to take an offer from the corporation I left to start my business. My wife said, "we can wait a little longer, you know you won't be happy going back to the corporate world." She was right on both counts. Today after 13 years in business, I have several employees and God has blessed us with an income that means we own our home outright, college for our two children won't be a problem and I will be able to retire in my early 50's. The point of this story is not what I did, but rather what the support and unconditional love of my wife brought out of me. Which reminds me I need to say thank you to her again tonight.

mudder, <BR>what a wonderful man you are! How fortunate you are to have the understanding that you AND your wife made it to were you now are TOGETHER. I hope you did tell her, i want so badly to have the kind of marriage you have. I have worked so hard to have it, and yet nothing. (readmy story here if you dont know what i mean. <BR>beezer,<BR>i am sorry i aggree with you on this point though. I could understand how you would be upset about the financial situation you and your H are in. I have been there and done that also. Everything we have has been my doing, financially. I am a saver he is a spender. And i have a business and have always brought in more money because i supported him in his education and dreams. I dont understand y he lied about the position. Except to say, that most people feel that telemarketers are the scum of the earth. Perhaps he was ashamed. Please talk to him in a loving manner and find out his reasons behind his lie. Put yourself in his shoes, while you may not lie in that situation, can you understand why he felt he had to fib? And please remember, if you really love your H, you should forgive him because we all screw up and sometimes lie to make us look better to someone we care about. Find out his reason and go from there. Good luck to you honey!

Both of you drove home some good points. When I married him he was selling and making<BR>in the high 40,000. Within in a month of marriage he decided that since I have a decent paying job, he choose without consulting me first to leave his job. He has no initiative. I spoke to him about college. I told him I work 2 jobs to help him through. I beleive in him. But he has no ambition. He told me just last night, your the one with the education, your the one who has the potential to make alot more then I could ever make.....Please...I make 12.00 a hour, I do however own my home (the bank and me) we have 2 car payments, 2 after school payments and all the other bills. No in my opinnion he is now coasting. I would have never married him if I knew he was going to walk out of his job. He was there for almost 5 years and on this way up to warehouse manager. I am frustrated and not feeling too good. If you read my other post, about my birthday, he has done 2 things to me that have hurt me deeply and when I try communicating he starts screaming at me, that im stubborn, childlike and selfish. NO, I think I see trouble a brewing.

Beezer,<P>Your husband broke a cardinal rule when he quit his job without consulting you. You both need to get into (Christian)counseling. If he won't go with you...go alone. You need to establish ground rules for your marriage. These rules need to agreed to by both of you. A good place to start is with Dr. Harley's own guide lines. I wish you well!!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Mudder (edited October 05, 1999).]

Dear Breezer:<BR>Something is going on with him,from reading your other posts. There is a serious communication break-down. Out of curiosity, why did his last marriage break-up. There could lie many answers as to why he acts the way he does. Sometimes, when leaving one marriage and going into another, some of those problems come right along without ever getting resolved, thus, you have him and the baggage with him. There are several issues that really do need to be resolved, but, if he is not willing to communicate, how could anything change? You really have to try and communicate with him and make him see and understand that the marriage will fail if the both of you don't communicate and work together on the marriage. He can't just take it upon himself to make such big decisions as quitting his job without talking to you. A marriage is a unity of one. Both are together in the marriage and need to discuss all things. I would stress to hinm that if he really wants the marriage, he has to try and do his part in making it work. Maybe he has low self-esteem and feels that he really has nothing to offer...since you make more money, you own the house, 2 cars,...quite possibly he may feel that he is unwanted and cannot contribute enough to match what you put in. He may feel that he's in competition with you in making money. This is why I say, talk to him. Go to a part, or neutral place and talk. Don't talk at home. don't talk in the bedroom. The home is not a neutral place and it's too easy to walk away and get defensive. How would he feel about going to a therapist/counselor.