i'm feeling kinda down today.i am going to speak to my lawyer about divorce.at first i was very content with this.<p>my h has done and said a lot of hurtful things to me and i know this is the best thing for us.yet,i am upset with the whole divorce issue.he is ok he first went and spoke to a lawyer a wk ago.he is living w ow and seems to be very content with his life.how come i am so hurt and upset by this?when he seems to happy,content,and excited about his new "relationship" he is not even thinking about me or working this out with me.so why am i feeling so down today???<p>i know this is the best thing.he has been cheating since day one and now says he wants a divorce.i know part of me wants it and part of me doesn't but i know it's over between us. maybe i am afraid?i am hurt and frustrated but there is something else.<p>how could he be so noncaring about me,about the marriage,about our daughter and so happy and wanting of his new relationship.how do you get married and play around for yrs and never once stop and seriously work at the marriage.<p>i could have more respect for him if he would have taken a minute to honestly work at this with me.if it didn't work than ok but at least he gave it an honest try.that never happened and i am so hurt and confused as to how do you never give your marriage a shot to work.yet you can start a new relationship,move in with the person and act like hey this is my new start in life.when you still have unsettled business.<p>i know its over i can't and don't want him back after all the tricks he played on me,him living w ow and just having no respect for me.i just wish he would open his eyes and apoligize for all the hurt he has caused me.<p>i just don't find it so easy to jump from being w someone for 10yrs into living w someone else.how can you just jump for one situation to the next w/o giving yourself time to think and just deal with yourself?<p>i can't imagine even beginning to date right now and to look at what he's done it hurts a lot
he doesn't see it or care.<p>so now i am off to the lawyer today to get my divorce started.i just think its so unfortunate but what can one do?i have tried everything and for some reason he wants to be w ow.its not even like he gave himself time he just jumped right into that.it hurts but i am dealing with it.i have plenty of ups and downs.why is one person so cruel?????<p>pls post i need lots of posts they really help

just needed to bump myself up as i really need some posts. thx.

((((LEFTALONE))))<p>I&#8217;ve noticed that the boards have been kind of weird lately and a lot of the people that usually respond seem to be missing. I hope you don&#8217;t get tired of seeing me on your threads.<p>It absolutely killed me talking with my lawyer the first time. It was like we were talking about my life in third person or as if it was some object in a far away place.<p>One thing I might share with you is that as we were going through our divorce and like your husband I could clearly see how bad my wife was for me. I could see all the years of mistreatment and terrible things. Like you I questioned why the hell do I have all this pain. Like your husband my wife would never work things out and paid no attention to the trail of damage that she laid on her quest for freedom. I finally realized that my pain wasn&#8217;t caused by the nagging feeling of wanting Lisa back but by the thought of my family being torn apart and the idea of not having a friend, lover, and companion by my side.<p>Best of luck today at your lawyers office and please let us know how things go.<p>
Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

You know, you really can't even try to figure out why he can "just go on". What a selfish SOB he is, but men can be very cruel. His conscientious will eat away at him, believe me! Maybe not right now, but in a few months when he rolls over one morning he is going to say to himself, "What did I do?" He must of had some morals at one point in his life for you to marry him and have a child, right????? So, at this point he's in denial and not dealing w/ reality!!!!! Please try to enpower yourself - make yourself feel better - get a manicure, pedicure, massage, whatever it takes and hold your head up high!!! You will see - it does get better - and something good will come out of this. How is your daughter?????

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by deceived1:
<strong>You know, you really can't even try to figure out why he can "just go on". What a selfish SOB he is, but men can be very cruel. His conscientious will eat away at him, believe me! Maybe not right now, but in a few months when he rolls over one morning he is going to say to himself, "What did I do?" He must of had some morals at one point in his life for you to marry him and have a child, right????? So, at this point he's in denial and not dealing w/ reality!!!!! Please try to enpower yourself - make yourself feel better - get a manicure, pedicure, massage, whatever it takes and hold your head up high!!! You will see - it does get better - and something good will come out of this. How is your daughter?????</strong><hr></blockquote>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by deceived1:
<strong>You know, you really can't even try to figure out why he can "just go on". What a selfish SOB he is, but men can be very cruel. His conscientious will eat away at him, believe me! Maybe not right now, but in a few months when he rolls over one morning he is going to say to himself, "What did I do?" He must of had some morals at one point in his life for you to marry him and have a child, right????? So, at this point he's in denial and not dealing w/ reality!!!!! Please try to enpower yourself - make yourself feel better - get a manicure, pedicure, massage, whatever it takes and hold your head up high!!! You will see - it does get better - and something good will come out of this. How is your daughter?????</strong><hr></blockquote>

thanks for the replies.<p>in regards to deceived 1 my daughter is not taking things to well.i don't know if u know but on 9/14 h moved back home (only lasted till 10/27)
to prove to his family that him and i wouldn't work.don't know how his point was being proved as he decided to not talk to his family as the meddled in his a. (still not in contact w them)<p>upset that his mother would call ow house and bug him and ow.so this was why he came back to prove he no longer wanted to be w me?????????????
deceived me and our daughter.<p>so now that he has been gone almost 3wks daughter has had several outbusts since then.she is angry with her father and hasn't seen him since.says she call him but he is always out to lunch.she can't understand why he doesn't come see her and rarely calls her. she told her aunt this for some reason she is afraid to tell me and forget about him.<p>i feel really bad for her and am trying to be patient with her.i know how she feels i am also very upset with his actions and lack of.i did tell him to lay off but if he really wants to see her he can go to her school.he knows how to find her and he can always go where she is after school (while i am at work)he could take a late lunch and return her to his aunts house(where she stays till i get out of work)he has options but who knows what he is thinking><p>i refuse to contact him and tell him how things are going with her.i did in the past.now he needs to be around her b/c he wants to and not out of guilt or "playing father"which he has a habit of doing.<p>he said all he wants is every other wkend w/o overnites due to the fact he is living in ow house and i will not allow my child to be in that house.nevermind sleep on her couch while he sleeps in the room with ow.<p>he said he is fine with my choice.i guess maybe since nothing is in writing maybe that is why he stays away <p>who knows?????
somebody pls post.
i find it weird how some people get tons of post and i can't even get double digits what is going on?

Hi Leftalone.<p>First off he is in the FOG. He is only thinking w/ a part of his anatomy that is covered while in public by his pants. <p>What you are feeling right now is the fear of change. I noted this in your 1st. post as being afraid. I also was afraid of being alone. This is just a phase you are and will be going through for the next couple of months as you start to figure out how you and your child will get on w/ your lives. I know exactly what you are going through as most of us here do. Now that I am recently divorced I feel like there is a whole new life in front of me and I plan to take on this new life w/ the zeal of a fanatic. Please believe me you WILL get through this. <p>Its going to be difficult but try to focus on your child and yourself. STOP thinking about how he could of done this as its already done. Ergo: Spilt Milk. Try to relax, You probably aren't getting much sleep. Try to get some. Everyday is a new day. Things will get better, trust me.<p>AS far as multiple post are concerned, don't sweat it. It takes awhile for people to get to know you. <p>Tex.