Wife is pregnant with our first. Became increasingly distant and affectionless as pregnancy progressed.<P>Spends large amounts of time (most weekends) with co-worker (female). Claims they go to movies, etc. Have verified this by observing she is always where she says.<P>When we are together, communication happens fairly normally. However she seems tentative about the "do we have a marriage problem" question.<P>Refuses to go on "date" type stuff to be alone prior to the birth. Will however go to things that are family gatherings.<P>Initial reaction to this change (it was a 180 degree change for her) was angry accusation that she was having a same sex affair with this co-worker.<P>This only caused her to withdraw. So I've moved to the Plan A which seems to be working in terms of opening up the lines of communcation.<P>As of now, I'm inclined to wait this out and see if the changes could be pregnancy related and things could return to semi-normal after the birth.<P>Anyone else ever experience anything similar? Driving me nuts - especially since I don't feel we can have any type of discussion while she is pregnant.<P>Thanks!<P>Paul

Dear Paul,<BR>I too became withdrawn from my husband when I was pregnant with our son. I could not stand to be with him. His smell, touch, and everything about him made me sick to my stomach. <BR>Now that I look back at this, I know part of my problem was I was feeling alone. I felt like I had to take care of him too. I let others (family) come between us and began to fall out of love with him.<BR>Two years have gone by and just recently I see him in another light. I am starting to see the man I married. Oh we did end up divorcing. But I believe everything happens for a reason. Try to understand, pregnancy is not easy, it could be hormnal. Ask her how she is feeling, let her cry if she has to, just be there for her. She must love you to have your child.<P>Bentley

Thanks for the feedback. I have heard of other people having similar "distant" reactions while pregnant.<P>While I suspect there could be more problems than simply pregnancy, I am resigned to the fact that we really can't start to iron them out until a few months after the birth. It is not fair to anyone to keep raising the issue with only 2 more months until birth day.<P>In the meantime I am amazing myself by becoming a star husband. I do things like grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, errands -- that I would never have done before. And you know what -- it ain't half bad <g>.<P><BR>My thought process, is if my wife is going through some type of "I hate my husband" problem -- she is going to leave with nothing but spectacular memories of this guy who cooked, cleaned and supported her tremendously.<P>I never thought I'd be seeing such a wholesale change in a person though. It really is like night and day. <P>The "killing her with kindness" stuff does seem to break the ice quite a bit. MUCH better than the one or two times I confronted her about why she has become so distant (those got me absolutely nowhere fast).<P>

My friend who is now 5 months preg is also going thru the same thing. She said she can't stand to be near her husband and even sleeps in a different bedroom. She is always calling me to do stuff with her. I wouldn't worry too much about it. It seems to be rather common in women who are preg with their first child. She told her dr and her dr was not concerned at all and said he hears that from quite a few people.

Elizabeth,<P>I appreciate that you took the time to write. <P>This is the weirdest thing -- but I am willing to wait it out. Don't think there is any other way to do it.<P>We are also sleeping in separate rooms. More because my wife is VERY pregnant and has taken to using those big body pillows in our bed so that she can sleep. She is also having some trouble sleeping. I've had other friends that didn't sleep with their wife during the entire pregnancy -- so that part doesn't seem too uncommon.<P>Beyond her wanting to be out of the house as much as possible -- I don't see other problems. We don't argue or have problems communicating about non-relationship things.<P>We'll see. I think I'll write a book when this is over.<P>Paul<P>

PM,<BR> My wife was very strange during her first trimester. She didn't want me touching her and every smell seemed to make her sick. Then in the 2nd trimester...BOOM...she changed again and wanted me around, wanted lots of lovemaking..ect. So don't get discouraged because I think it is alot to do with hormones,ect. Try to help her out and listen to what she is feeling. It will get better.<P>dzrt

Thanks. I am hoping this is all hormone related. Whatever it is, nothing can be addressed until the little ones get here.<P>She did seem to get progressively more withdrawn and won't tell me what is the matter. Main symptom is she just doesn't want to be around the house at all -- at least when I'm there.<P>So I am taking it one day at a time and have adjusted to not pushing the issue. The pregnant lady is the boss...<g><P>Thanks!<P>Paul

As a followup - well the kids are here - and so is the discovery of the affair.<P>Without going into a ton of details, I confirmed my longtime suspicions that my wife was carrying on with a co-worker.<P>Not sure I want to reconcile. Too much lying and mistrust.<P>My ultimate advice is if you suspect something is going on - it probably is. Everything I read on this board applied directly to me.<P>My wife is a completely different person. Still denies the involvement to the day, despite my irrefutable evidence to the contrary. Can't take anymore lying and cheating so am seperating next month. <P>Sad situation but am relieved to finally know the truth.<P>Paul