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ARRGH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I have had what is probably one of the worst separation days since H left ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I pick up the paper and start reading local "what to do in this town for the next week" entertainment section. Notice the name of someone that H plays with....read the article (front page of this section)...notice location is college where H teaches....read who is performing in this group along with Hubby....it's the OW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> who has come all the way from the west coast. I had a emotional breakdown right there at the breakfast table! How dare H bring this woman here where we live? Where his kids live? Where his parents live? I cannot decide if I should call his mom just to see if she knows (she may not - they may not discuss his gigs but I know she reads the paper for his name) or should I just call him tomorrow and remind him he's still married?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Maybe I should hire people to sit in the audience and throw tomatoes at them all?? ARRGH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Update - I did cool down, just took me a few hours! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I talked to mother-in-law, she had seen article and recognized OW name and was upset, we cried on the phone together. I called my daughter so she’d hear it from me in case she accidently saw her dad & OW together, or heard it from someone else. She was indignant too. So after sleeping on it, and having a brief chat with my pastor - who reminded me that there is no one in hubby’s life right now to speak Biblical Truth or remind him he’s still married - I called hubby. First I made sure he wasn’t there, so I could leave a message. It was neutrally cordial and went something like this: “Hi, this is your wife, <my name>. Just wanted to say I saw the article, concert sounds interesting, I wonder who else (like your parents/daughter) read it and made the connection with the other performers’ names. Anyway, just wanted to remind you that while you have company this weekend, that we’re still married. Bye”.
It would be great if OW was with him when he played the answering machine, LOL. I can only hope it rattled his performace (both musically and ah,...personally <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ) And you know how careful I’ve been in my actions and words to not promote or provoke him into divorce. But I am at peace with what I did, and if it does expedite D, it will be by his action and not mine.
Avondale: How cocky can your H get? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Come on Avondale, enough is enough. You know Buddy and I were discussing my marriage to ex. She said some really harsh reality things to me because she said that I gave ex the license to treat me the way she did; for example, when ex tried to leave the first time around five years ago, I pleaded with her to stay. Buddy said I made a huge mistake because once someone makes up their mind to leave without any remorse, the marriage is damaged and there is no coming back. As you can see, two-three years later, she leaves anyway. The point I am trying to make is you have to decide how much you are willing to let someone have control over you. Sometimes, people treat us the way we allow them to treat us. Your H does not care about your feelings which is obvious by his actions. For him to come to your home town and perform with OW, is very bold. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He does not think he is married anymore except on paper. He has his cake and is eating it too. Getting up the hill or hump, is very painful, but you will get over that hill and continue living and get on with your life.
Didn't get a chance to chime in on Friday like I usually do. I've been running behind on just about everything since I was down with the flu bug. I think Colorado was ground zero for the flu bug epidemic, but don't quote me on that.
Needless to say... my G/F did not come over to feed me chicken soup. As a matter of fact I haven't seen her in over a week, and she is really upset about it.
She is upset with me, she is upset with herself, and she pretty much admitted that she is in a Holiday depression. Which in turn is making me feel depressed as well. I am definately not into the Holidays this year.
My kids and I, put up the Christmas tree this weekend, and for me... it just brought back bad memories that I would rather not have triggered.
In addition my G/F is going on about getting married this coming September and going on about buying a new house and what are we going to do with all the animals that both of us have, and how she doesn't want any animals in our new house... and I'm over thinking to myself... sheeeesh, what is this all about and why are we discussing this right now.
I told her, "hey! Why don't we just concentrate on gettin through the Holidays, and have it be an enjoyable time"?
Anyway... she is still going on about the animals... and I'm thinking to myself... is this someone I want to get married to?
Anyway, avondale... I think Petvet brought up a very valid point. The WS will act, and do things only if suits themselves. They don't consider, nor do they care whose feeling may be at stake. As long as it satisfies them... nothing else matters.
You eventually have to ask yourself, how much are you willing to put up with?
Petvet...
You know... "where there is smoke, there is fire"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
So, that being the case... when is the big day? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Glad to hear that everything is going well for you. It's probably a nice change of pace.
Petvet - Everything you said is true. I totally agree! But I am still going to wait, and I think I can last a while longer. He doesn't control me except when stuff like that article happens - which is not very often. Besides, I really think I'm doing what God has given me grace to do at this point. I know that sounds weird, but on the whole, I am at peace where I'm at with this separation. If that changes, y'all will be the first to know
Wallace - I was very disheartened to read your post. The part about your g/f and the tree is almost VERBATIM what you posted last winter when you had the flu, and last Christmas. Tell me something, are you afraid (not scared, but what I mean is anxious, or fearing regret) of NOT being with someone? I mean, I know life is a lot more fun (or should be) when you have someone to pal around with. But if she's not going to take the bad (flu) with the good (dinner date with you) my concern for you is still there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> And one last question - WHERE IN THE WORLD DID SHE GET THE SEPTEMBER DATE FROM?!?!?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> You need to give me enough notice to get a cheap plane ticket for the wedding, LOL
Well the weekend is almost here and it has been very busy at work as well trying to get everything done by Christmas... but I'm going to try to take it easy tonight.
avondale...
Your right! It is almost exactly the same as it was last year, as well as when I went down with the flu.
Oh my eyes are very wide open as this thing progresses. It's amazing what a year of dating can do for you, as far as getting to know somebody.
Let's put it this way... red flags are flying and have been flying all over the place.
I'm in the process of doing a complete re-evaluation concerning this whole relationship that I have going with my G/F as we speak.
To try to answer your questions.
I am very comfortable with not being with someone, as I have found since my D, that I get along quite nicely... with or without another woman in my life.
I have found for me that being in a relationship at this point is like a double edged sword. The relationship can and does slip from good to bad, and visa-versa. I have found, that I am not very tolerant of a relationship that seems to be slipping, for whatever reason. I don't feel that I have the capacity to really put a lot of work into a relationship at this point. It's not that I'm doing anything wrong... beside not getting married right away and being with her 24/7. But I'm not going to start doing hand stands in order to make someone happy. I've been there and I have done just exactly that... and it got me nothing but more heartache and heart break.
In summary... I'm not into it! I thought maybe I was... but I'm finding out, that I'm not. My G/F can accept this fact, or she is going to have to look elsewhere. I know that probably sounds cold, but unfortunately, that's how I feel about the whole thing.
As far as the September wedding date... I have no idea where she came up with that month. As a matter of fact, there has not been any day set in that month, and if she doesn't do a very dramatic turn around, to break my attitude about this whole thing... there probably will not be any date, as I will probably break it off with her before we even get close to that time.
As far as the holidays are concerned, for the past 2 years, they have been major triggers for me... and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I wish I could change it... but, I can't at this point in time.
Well I hope everyone has a great weekend, and doesn't have too much X-mas shopping left...LOL
Not much happening on my end. Got my shopping done for YD/OD and mailed gifts. This time of year sparks all kinds of feelings. For whatever reason I feel less enthused this year than ever. I look at Wallace and wonder if having a partner is the answer yet for me yet, wow <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ?? At this point in my life I can't imagine being in any relationship. I currently see women as theives, I feel some will sell your skin if they can skin you alive <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> however not true, there are some great women out there, but thats just where I'm at <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .
This board is a good outlet, and it keeps you in reality.
I can't believe I'm going on 3 years on my own. Eventhough I've been alone I still haven't lived the single life, still trying to heal, but almost there. I have no desire to argue with exw any more or rehash what she did. Through progression the bleeding wound became a scab, now becoming a scar. Sometimes exww will strike it but I only feel a throbing pain for a short time.
To date, I wonder how exww relationship has survived since 2001? seeing it started out on a lie....I look at Wallace how a good relationship has issues forming and Wallace has good skills but it appears my exww has defied all logic...is she really happier without me? Was I really her problem? How are you at peace with yourself?
Anyway I'm just rambling, I thought by now everything would have collaspe between them and come apart by now since they have no relationship principles or foundation to build on.....
Avondale: I was not trying to hit you below the belt with my comments, but I just wanted you to have your eyes open about the situation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Wallace: If your relationship with G/F is not gelling, you may have to cut the rope. If your relationship takes you through too many changes and drama, you may have to cut the rope. Your g/f appears to be putting on a acting job to get you to marry her, but her real self is showing bexause she is getting impatient. Be careful.
Me: I'm doing great.
Everyone, have a good Christmas and New Year if we do not chat before then.
EC: Stop it, stop it, stop it! You have to look to the future and stop looking back. Count your blessings and get out of the pits. Get out and try to enjoy yourself; if that involves a female, good, if not, hey, enjoy things on your own. Please get enpowered.
Petvet, EC, Wallace, WGTT , and any others who are reading this: I hope you all have a great Christmas, and that 2004 will bring tons of blessings to us all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Thanks for being here with your advice and letting me vent. Y'all are in my thoughts a lot. I really appreciate you guys so much!
Petvet - I'm not trying to look back, it's just that time of the year when d-day all happened, so this time of the year triggers certain emotions, but i'm ok. I am moving forward and looking toward 2004 with excitement.
Avondale thanks for the cheer of looking toward 2004.We all will be further than ever next year.
Wanted to chime in and wish everyone a Merry X-mas, amd a Happy Holiday.
I'm still at work... and I'm in the middle of trying to have my boss let everyone go home early and enjoy the Holiday... so far it's not working. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
EC...
I understand what your saying completely... as I have gone through a number of emotions as well, and this time of year is not helping, at all.
Hopefully time will heal all the wounds and scars that we carry... but at this juncture, for me... it hasn't happened yet.
It's as Petvet stated... count your blessings and keep moving forward in a postive direction.
All of my kids and I were together for X-mas dinner as well as my G/F and all of her kids. It was a very enjoyable Christmas... but I'm glad it's over with.
For the last several months I have been battling the IRS over my exW under reporting on her income.
The day after Christmas and many months of haggling with the IRS, they sent me a letter relieving me of the taxes due on her income. I filed for "Relief", under the injured spouse relief area that they have allowed many people to do... "thank the lord". So that was a nice Christmas present, because we were talking thousands.
Well I hope everyone has a wonderful "New Year"!
Let's pray for better things and better times to come.
Wallace: I'm glad you had a good Christmas. Also, I am happy to hear that you given spouse relief for your taxes. I am going through the same thing, so your case offers hope.
Hi everyone! Wallace - that is great about you getting the IRS “relief” letter! I realize this means YOU don’t owe certain things - does it also mean your exwife DOES owe more? Your Christmas dinner report was good too. Did your oldest daughter attend with her b/f? How did you top the leather jacket gift you gave your g/f last year? LOL
Petvet - I didn’t realize that you also were doing the same IRS “relief” situation. I hope things go well for you, too. What are your New Year’s Eve plans? Gonna be smokin’ again? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
EC - How were your holidays? I hope you got past those triggers OK. Do you have any resolutions for 2004? (Knowing you, I bet you do!)
I have a friend who may also could benefit from that IRS “relief” information. I’m a little ahead of her timetable as far as separation, but we used to work together. Could one of y’all tell me what it’s called so I can do some research for her?
Wallace - Look like you had a house full? Just think it all could be permenant <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Petvet - Sounds like you're plowing right through life, glad to see you making progress.
Avondale - This year I'm keeping my resolutions to a min. I have many things I want to do, but sometimes if you try to do too much then you do nothing, making unrealistic expectations, so off I start tomorrow.
One thing I started back in Nov since I finally feel the argument part of it all is leaving and I said 'Enough is Enough". I no longer feel the need to accuse exww of what all happened eventhough it's all true. It still hurts, but I'm practicing leaving it the past. I just want to badly heal and move on. My YD told me the other day regarding OM " Dad you have nothing to worry about, me and OD really don't talk to OM and besides whats there to talk to him about? When we see him we say hi and hope he minds his own business". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Anyway OD is starting talk now and said she wants to spend Christmas with me in 2004.
YD is starting to call more often and plans to come June 2004. This time she says buy the ticket, she's coming.
So things are turning around slowly and 2004 will be a great year the start and finish.
Avondale here's the IRS link to some of the info. I'm sure the others could give you more insight.
Myself and my girlfriend just went out for dinner and then watched some movies at my house... it was very low key, but enjoyable.
EC...
I'm glad to see you made it through the Holidays.
For some reason, at least for me anyway... it is the toughest time of the year for me. This past Holiday was tougher for me than the year before. I don't get it, you would think it would get easier, but so far it hasn't.
It's good to see your daughters opening up to you and communicating more... I know that means a lot to you.
Petvet...
You sound like your rolling right along, and everything is going pretty good for you. I hope you get the relief your looking for through the IRS. It it quite a bit of work, but compared to what it was going to cost me... it was work worth doing... and for all intents and purposes... it looks like it's pretty well over. My exW has 30 days to appeal the decision... but that is not likely... since she was the one who lied and under reported on the tax return.
avondale...
Did you have a good New Year's Eve?
Any word from your "H" at this point?
To answer your question about the IRS liability that it is still due and owing plus interest since 2001... but not by me. That liability now falls directly on my exW paying it off.
I look at it like this... when you play with fire... your going to get burned.
I just realized that I forgot to answer your question about my G/F's Christmas present. I don't know if I topped it from last year... but I bought her a new computer system which she really needed. She does a lot of her work from home, and her home computer was really lacking... so I got her a new one.
MY OD was at the Christmas dinner with her boyfriend, so we had quite a gathering of family that night, which we all very much enjoyed.
Chris...
Hey Chris... how are you doing?
Finally after what seemed an endless battle with the IRS... justice finally prevailed. Without that Injured Spouse Relief being put into place with the IRS, I would of had a very hard time not being responsible for my exW under reporting her income.
I glad it's pretty well over.
Well, I hope everyone got started off right with the New Year... I know it's going to be a whirlwind of a year if my G/F gets her way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
