hello its me again, the husband has definetly wants divorce, I still do not. He tells me to go get a lawyer to look out for my own interests. I am still so shocked, hurt, paralyzed almost by this. I don't know where to start, my doctor suggested a marriage counselor last week, and the husband has agreed to go, I don't know if I should still pursue that. A third party is involved, I thought it was by phone, but now I am wondering if its someone locally. My husband has beeeen chronically depressed, and is taking effexor for depression, his dosage was increased last week and he seems to have flipped. He came home yesterday wearing a different ring,had taken his wedding ring off. Got a phone call at midnight and then had to go out. for a few hours last night. I don't believe in divorce, our pastor has an appointment to talk to him tomorrow. I am so concerned for my future, I have been with this man for almost 24 years, and thought my future was secure and I would grow old with him.<BR>If anyone has any thoughts or advice for me please help. <P>------------------<BR>joanne<BR>

Having gone through three marriages let me say this. My first marriage ended when I asked her for a divorce. My second marriage ended when I divorced her. This one was wrong from the start. I usually don't count that marriage, but it happened. My third marriage ended when she filed for divorce. I would not have gone back to my first wife. That was fifteen years of wrong about every thing. My third marriage, had she not field for divorce we would have probably gotten things worked out. I was going crazy, drinking to much, and in the worst case depression I have know. If you truly love your husband stay in there and fight, not with him for him. Get into counseling to keep your head on stright, and for sure you may be in a depressed state that should be taken care of. Don't give up on your self, and don't suck up all the blame. I would suggest that you look at what has been going on for 24 years and can you guys fix that which was wrong. And, can you build on that which is right. Just don't make it easy for him to run. I'd bet he will not seek the divorce on his on. He would have done it already. Kiddo, don't isolate your self either. Seek out your friends and family. Please listen to the professionals about this . Most of your friends marriages probably aren't that much better off than yours. Good luck, Let Gods will be done

hello and thank you for replying to my post,REPat, things seem so hopeless now, my husband and I have gone to see our minister for counseling(separately) and we are going next week to see him together. A few days ago I would have said I do still love him, now after all of this, my feelings seem to be changing,I am now taking an antidepressant which seems to be helping, except it upsets my stomach. The husband told me last night that he probably will not be alone long after divorce is final, he is kinda planning on remarriage, so as far as I can tell he has someone waiting in the wings so to speak to replace me. This hurts me a lot even though the husband still says he loves me as a friend, and that I haven't failed, that I have beeen a good wife, and mother and best friend to him. I am so worried about my future , my whole sense of security and safety seem to be gone now. I know all this sounds very depressing, I am just feeling a bit sorry for myself today. I am not isolating myself but it is so hard for me not to right now. Friends, please pray for me and my family and that we can accept God's will in all of this.<P>------------------<BR>joanne<BR>

Maybe you should be posting on the infidelity forum?