I know it's wrong, but after two months of separation, my H and I still get together to have sex. He usually comes over or I go over to see him. It's usually linked to something else...like he's already coming over for something. We really enjoy being together sexually. Also, we both have very high sex drives (just before the separation we still had sex 6 to 7 times a week). I just feel like I'm safe with him and if we feel no strings are attached, than it can't be all that bad. I know, it is...<P>Stacey<p>[This message has been edited by staceym (edited October 20, 1999).]

Staceym,<P>Im jealous. That was the first thing to go in my relationship. I dont think there is anything wrong with it as long as your are both fulfilled. Since there is that closeness I would use it to your advantage. Take the time to show him changes you have made. Assuming he is the one who left and you want him back.<P>Taking that time to do the special little things you think your relationship was lacking may draw him back into the house and prove to him there is more to your relationship than just good sex.<P>Zyg.

Maybe I'm a killjoy, and I'm sure not a counselor, but I read your other posts and can't help wonder if your H isn't taking advantage of you. You said he goes on and on about wanting his space and to be on his own, but he keeps coming back to you for intimacy. I guess if it makes you both happy there's really nothing wrong with that, but it sounds kinda unfair to you. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me that if he wants out, he should get out. Unfortunately, to deny him is to deny yourself also, it sounds like. I hope that this is just a way for you to soften the impact of separation, but it seems to me to be a slick way of him having his cake and eating it, too; all the benefits of having a wife, but none of the commitments or obligations. What a deal....<BR> Just as an aside, somewhere you mentioned that you want kids, but he doesn't. Please tell me you're using protection during these interludes. An accidental pregnancy in the face of a divorce would be a tragedy by itself, as well as making everything I just said about him true about you, too, wouldn't it?<BR> Okay, Ill get off my soapbox now.

Your reactions are nothing like I thought they'd be. I thought I'd be scrutinized and looked down upon. I really don't know why we do this, but it seems to be a safe way to fulfill the need for a sexual relationship. He's not going to come back to me any time soon...I know that. Not only is he in need of these sexual meetings, so am I. I am the one that initiates them most of the time. Although, he shows no doubt or regret in coming over. We got together again last night and it was great! It's almost become a fun, light hearted moment between us. There are no obligations or pressures, just two people satisfying each other. I know in my heart all of this is wrong, but it just feels so right while we're doing it. And to answer the "protection" question...I have never gone off birth control. I have been on it for almost 3 years now. We also use condoms on occasion and a spermicidal lubricant. We know a baby would be the worst thing right now. We were this careful throughout the 5 years we were together and understand the risks.<BR>Thanks for the responses and I welcome more.<BR>Stacey

Dear StaceyM,<BR>I know how you feel. My ex and I were separated for one year and often met each other for sex. Our divorce was final this May and since then we have started over. We are back together. I know it is hard for you because you want to be with him so much and feel like he must care about you to still want you. That is how my ex felt about me. I was your ex. I wanted the divorce. Now since it is really final, we have learned to get to know each other again. We are getting a second chance.<BR>I'm not saying to keep hoping for reconciliation. I'm just saying to move on, stay in touch and learn to be independant. If you were meant to be with one another, then it will happen. Just be true to yourself.

Bentley,<P>How has it been since you got back together? Doesn't it seem weird to just have made the divorce final and then gotten back together? Why did you make the divorce final if there were doubts?<P>My H and I are putting together dissolution papers as we speak. He and I have a very good relationship. Tomorrow night we're going out with a bunch of friends, as friends. I think with our break-up, our friendship will only get stronger. And with our past sexual experiences with each other and probably having sex over a thousand times with each other, I think still being together is fine. As I said before, our sex life was always phenominal. Doesn't it seem like sex is the only thing in a relationship that can exist without there being any strings attached? I don't mean that it's not part of loving one another and being in love, but it's a need and if this is the way we fulfill it and have a little fun in the process, I don't see anything wrong with it. <BR>Please, I'd like other opinions.<BR>Stacey<p>[This message has been edited by staceym (edited October 21, 1999).]

StaceyM,<BR>I went through the divorce because I did not want to be with him anymore. Our marriage was over and needed to end. We were separated for one year and still seeing each other, but my feeling for him were not there. We had problems in our marriage that I could not resolve. He didn't cheat on me. He just wasn't the man I married. It's a long story. It wasn't untill the divorce was final and 3 months later I found it in my heart to finally forgive him. When I did, my love for him was back. I wish it would have happened sooner, but it didn't. I do believe everything happens for a reason.<P>Monica

Bentley...<BR> You are in a delicate situation. It has to be hard for both of you to think that there was such doubt before, and now it no longer exists. You must have a very patient man who loves you very much.<BR> My ex and I went out over the weekend twice with a number of different friends and had a great time. I think he felt a bit uncomfortable, but not a lot. I felt fine with it. I feel good about the position we're in and hope it grows to be an even stronger friendship.<BR> We are continuing to sleep together though. Just Sunday night we were together, and tonight I have to go over to the house and inevitably we will be together again. I know we should stop, but it's difficult. It's almost a way for both of us to hold on for a while longer. I really don't see it as much more than two people who know each other sexually to get together and enjoy themselves. I'm sure sooner or later it will stop, but for now, it's happening.<BR>Stacey

One question for you staceym...what is going to happen if one of you finds another mate? are you still going to meet for sex? since that is the one thing that keeps you two meeting up with each other.

I'm sure it would stop then. It is getting to be less and less now anyway.<BR>He tells me he is not looking for anyone else and will not get involved for a long time. He wants a lot of time alone.<p>[This message has been edited by staceym (edited October 28, 1999).]

Geez, you guys asre something else. Nuff said about that.<BR>