HI EVERYONE,

It's always good to read here and keep up with how everyone is doing. I'm hanging in there but still dealing with an ongoing issue with my H. It's about sex or the lack thereof. I wrote about it over in Emotional Needs forum. I'm at a loss of what to do with the whole situation.

Otherwise, things seem to be going pretty well. The girls have been keeping me really busy with school, soccer and other activities. Things seem pretty stable and for that I am grateful.

WES,

Glad you rode out the storm okay. I hope you hear from your wife soon and that things eventually turn around for you both. Hang in there because things will get better in time either way. You are going through some of the hardest days right now. I remember how difficult it was when my H packed all his things and left. It was an awful time. But things did get better. So keep learning and growing and with time you will hopefully find yourself in a better place.

AVONDALE,

I'm still keeping you in my prayers. You, too, have been through a lot with all the meetings and decisions of finances and such. You seem to be doing well and staying strong. Keep looking up!

WALLACE,

I never know what I'll find when I read one of your posts. Either it's just about to end or your ready to tie the knot. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> But I am hearing not for a few years,at least, right?? Avondales right... you are a big softie inside. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> That is part of your charm. I hope things go the way you want them too, whether thats together or not. Take care of yourself and be happy.

WGTT,

Hope you weathered the storm okay and I hope things in your situation have got better. Keep looking to the Lord. He will see you through.

HI TO TRUSTING HIM, PETVET, LAURA, RELADY AND ANYONE ELSE I MIGHT HAVE MISSED. HOPE YOU ARE ALL DOING WELLL.

Hi All,

I hope all is well and everyone had a great weekend.

This post is mainly for my 'big brother' 'little brother' Wallace I'm not sure which. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Warning!! This post could be harmful to your computer!! Read at your own risk!

I don't post for a few days and come back and read that you are looking at houses with your GF!!

Over a year ago I posted to you that you were saying and doing things that made your GF think you were ready to get married, while you were telling us "no way". Remember?

I'm going to turn this around for a minute and hopefully you can take a step back and see how it looks.

The first problem were the children not getting along. You threatened to call it off!

She was always talking about getting married. You threatened to call it off!

Her husband is back in the picture, somewhat! You threaten to call it off!

You have played this, come closer, go away game for two years now and she is no closer than she was.

Then there was the leather coat for the very first Christmas and her constant involvement with your family as well as yours with hers.

Now, to the current day when you're looking at houses together!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You can't honestly tell us that you had no idea what kind of impact that would have on her!! If not let me tell you: She wants to get married, you take her to look at houses!! Think for a minute.

I think you are both setting yourselves up for a world of hurt. It's obvious that she has not healed yet or your threats would have ended with the first one and you would be history. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And you haven't either or your threats would have been carried out.

IMHO, threats are just another form of manipulation.

I also think that you know in your heart of hearts that this is not a match, so why is it that you're continuing again?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I anxiously await your reply (I think <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

Sincerely,
Your continued voice of reality
relady

Relady (voice of reality)-Thank you for saying everything that I wanted to say but didn’t have time to research and type out. You echoed my feelings PERFECTLY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wallace , she’s pointing out the obvious. Even if we’re only getting PART of the picture due to the fact this is an online post, and not a real-time conversation, your entire g/f relationship is not on emotionally healthy footing. I think you’ve taken her house-hunting before, and I said those same cautionary words: She can’t help but think about a house WITH you if she’s looking at them with you. And if she gets hurt, ultimately you will too. We don’t want that.

Petvet - Could you explain about what your ex means “taking rights to kid away”? Did something change from your joint custody agreement?

Leah, great to hear from you! Since I haven’t had sex in over 2 years, I’m not the one to respond to your post on EN board, LOL...

WGTT - Let us know you made it through the storm!

Wes - Hope you're having a good week.

Me - I’m meeting with H on Thursday evening. At that time I will present my plan for dividing assets, buying his share of the house (tied together) and also (gulp) alimony. I have to ask for more than I actually want, to play the numbers game. This is not my nature (to not shoot straight from the beginning) but I have to do that so I can settle for what I actually want. I'd appreciate your prayers.

Hi to everyone I missed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ September 21, 2004, 05:17 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

GREETINGS FROM SUNNY FLORIDA

Hi - our house made it through the storm - the yard has debris all over & a tree across the driveway.

I came home Monday afternoon after searching two days for a generator ( which I found ) The electricity came on 2 hours later (I am NOT complaining) We got phones today. Other than a massive amount of clean up, detours on roads and store shelves not entirely stocked or open, life is back to "normal"

I took youngest 2 kids to stay with oldest in Jacksonville & had a nice time.

Was pretty pre-occupied with all that was going on. 40 miles west really got hit hard so we were really blessed.

Went back to work today & none of the properties that I will be closing on had damage!!! Thank God.

Will post more later.

VW - you must be in Northern Alabama - there are hills!

Avondale - thanks for the offer in NC.

Good night!

D.

Hi All,

I was going to respond the other day to relady's post... but for some reason couldn't log in... and then the rest of the week has been pretty hectic and busy... but guess what? I'm back!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Who will I respond to first... oh that's right!

relady...

I'll break down what you posted by quotes, and then I will answer them the best I can. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Over a year ago I posted to you that you were saying and doing things that made your GF think you were ready to get married, while you were telling us "no way". Remember?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ahhh... that may be so... but as I write this... I'm still not "M", so I have stuck to my word on that one. My G/F wants to think otherwise about "M", but I have always stayed the course... and did not give any preconcieved notions of anything otherwise about "M", IMHO, and I know you and avondale will disagree with me as well about this.

We have talked about getting "M" make no mistake about it. But I know, and she knows that the timing is just not right at the moment for us to get "M".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
The first problem were the children not getting along. You threatened to call it off!

She was always talking about getting married. You threatened to call it off!

Her husband is back in the picture, somewhat! You threaten to call it off!

You have played this, come closer, go away game for two years now and she is no closer than she was.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All true... guilty as charged, with one exception.

She takes 3 steps forward and then 5 steps back, especially when it comes to her exH, trying to get back into the picture. So you are in essence correct that she is not any closer than she was 2 yrs. ago. That is her choice to let him get involved in her life, and if he gets any further into her life and it starts affecting me... she will move that much farther down the ladder, until there is no ladder left to move down to.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Then there was the leather coat for the very first Christmas and her constant involvement with your family as well as yours with hers.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There has been much more in terms of gifts that I have given her over the last 2 yrs., the leather coat was just the tip of the iceberg.

Both her and I are still involved with each others kids, the kids are the ones who don't really care to much for each other. So we don't comingle the kids with each other... and it seems to be working for the time being.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

You can't honestly tell us that you had no idea what kind of impact that would have on her!! If not let me tell you: She wants to get married, you take her to look at houses!! Think for a minute.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes I can honestly say that I didn't have any idea that she would react that way... because I really didn't think it would have that kind of an affect on her... and I most definitely know that she wants to get "M", and maybe someday when the kids are gone, and we do decide to get "M", then we can look at houses for us.

In essence... it was my G/F who decided that we should wait to get "M" until all the kids are settled into their own lives. When she brought up the fact that bringing together a mixed family might cause more stress on the "M" that we probably didn't need... I agreed with her, and said, "Your right, so we will wait."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I think you are both setting yourselves up for a world of hurt. It's obvious that she has not healed yet or your threats would have ended with the first one and you would be history. [Big Grin] And you haven't either or your threats would have been carried out.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with what your saying... no disagreement here. However, I wouldn't call what I said threats... they were statements of fact, and if it keeps up with her... I "WILL" in fact follow through with my threat... errrr... statement of fact. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

IMHO, threats are just another form of manipulation.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is where we disagree. I made those statements to her... not as an intended form of manipulation,
I'm not "M", to her, and she is not "M" to me. We are both free to choose the path we want to take... either with each other or apart from each other. I think it's only fair, and she deserves to know what I feel is bringing us closer together, and what may cause us to eventually break-up. I would expect the same courtesy from her, as well.
I want to know when I'm screwing up, and what the ramifications will be. If I continue to do what she dislikes, and she says nothing... IMHO, that's not good.

When there is no communication and honesty in a relationship... the relationship for all intents and purposes... is finished IMHO.

All I'm doing is communicating... and I will follow through with what I said if she keeps it up. I'm not just going to come out of left field and tell her, "well thats it... I'm done... bye!" without her knowing what caused it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I also think that you know in your heart of hearts that this is not a match,

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You may very well be right... I've never said that this was a match made in Heaven... but I'm taking it one day at a time... and if things don't work out... then they don't. I like being single... and getting "M" right now is not one of the things that is at the top of my list of things to do right away.

keep firing away at me... it does give me something to think about... and you may get your chance to say... "See... I told you so!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'll get back to this... and I will respond to everyone else a little later. I've got a few things that I have to do before I leave work tonight.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all, just wanted to report that I met with H and (no surprise) we were approaching the settlement of assets/house in two TOTALLY different ways. Somehow our figures aren't jiving but H thinks it may be his method that's off. I don't understand his, so he's going to review mine to see what the difference is. We're still negotiating alimony but there is hope there, too. Unless his lawyer talks him out of it. Thanks for your prayers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wallace - your reply was pretty thorough. If you have lavished your g/f with more gifts, I wish you were MY b/f <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I'm not doing so good today. My H is away and I have a totally uneasy feeling about everything. I posted some stuff over on EN board. I could use your prayer and support right now. I don't know if my overactive imagination has kicked in or if something really is up. I just want to quit. I'm so tired of the struggle. I don't want to keep going on like this. Maybe it will all seem better tomorrow. I just know this is how I feel today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hi All,

Well I hope everyone had a good weekend. I know I did... I officially called it off with my G/F today, we are no more. Seh isn't happy about me not marrying her right away, and I wasn't happy about being pressured to marry her... so we agreed to break up for good.

I had written a nice long post on Friday, but I lost my electricity just when I was getting ready to post.

WGTT...

Glad to hear that your somewhat back up and running after the storm. How did you make out with this last one that just came through? Hope everything is well.

avondale...

Have you gotten together with your attorney concerning these negotiations? I'm sure you have.
My prayers are with you.

Leah...

I'm a firm believer to always go with your gut feel. If you think somethingisn't right... your probably correct.

relady...

You can say I told you so... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

This little scenario will most probably bring my dating to a close for quite some time. I'm like being single and doing my own thing. I really don't need someone in my life at this point in time... if ever.

I think I will just enjoy life, and take things as it comes.

Petvet...

Hope thing are going well for you.

Well I hope everyone has a great day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Leah - I posted on your thread on the EN board a few days ago. I hope things are better for you today.

Wallace - </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> you said :
I officially called it off with my G/F today, we are no more.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I honestly can’t tell - Is this a joke? Maybe you’re saying that to get all of us off your back... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Petvet - How are things? What is the latest about your “former” and custody?

WGTT - Did you make it through Hurricane Jeanne too? I have heard that life in Florida makes up for the occasional hurricane, but you’ve got to be weary by now. I hope any properties in your care are OK.

Trusting - Are you still around? How are things?

Wes - What is new with you?

Me - Well, weekend went sour when H sent an email telling me he figured out the reason for differences with the house settlement and I owe him $50,000! (This is way off by my calculations.) I stressed so much Saturday, I could tell my blood pressure was high just driving the car to go shopping... Then, fortunately, he saw his error, and wrote saying that, and will be glad to go by the figures my lawyer drew up (which truly were to his benefit). Next on my plate: alimony negotiations this week. I got a worksheet from my lawyer and was surprised to find out that I should even include personal expenses like birthday gifts, hair cuts, clothing, etc... so that’s what I’m going to do. I absolutely hate playing this “negotiating game”. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

AVONDALE

I'm so sorry you're having to go through all the negotiation stuff right now. I can only imagine how difficult and stressful that must be. Keep looking to the Lord to see you through. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Just thinking of trying to do that with H in addition to custody of the girls, makes me feel ill. I still hope and pray it doesn't come to that for us. Although if I have to, I know God will give me the strength I need at the time. Thanks for posting on the EN thread. I appreciate your concern.

WALLACE,

Wow, did you really call it quits? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Is this for good? You seem like you're doing okay with your decision. That's good. It will be interesting to see if it's really over or if you all miss each other too much to stay apart. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Either way I wish the best for you. I know all about how tough these decisions can be. You mentioned to me that you would go with your gut feeling. That's my problem, my gut feeling seems to change all the time. Sometimes I'm so sure, then other times, I really don't have a clue if anything is admiss. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

WGTT, RELADY, PETVET, TRUSTING HIM , WES,
AND ALL OTHERS,

I hope you are all doing well. If you're located near the huricanes, you have both my sympathy and prayers. I look forward to hearing good things from all of you.

ME

Today is a better day after a very difficult weekend with my husband. Or rather I should say without my H. He was travelling and was very unavailable plus some other red flags. I truly don't know if everything is on the up and up or not. As I've written before, there has been a total lack of intimacy for nearly ten months now. That plus history, plus extensive travelling make me very uneasy.

We had a lot of conversation about it all today. I spoke about feeling like I'm truly reaching my limit, and that some things need to change. There was a lot of anger of his part but there were also some good things that seemed to come from the conversations.

I'm rereading Love Must Be Tough and am just trying to establish firm yet loving responses and boundaries. I know changes must happen if I am to be a peace in this relationship. Otherwise, I need to say good-bye. It's difficult to be the one to call it quits, but I'm starting to think that it might be easier than living like this. ANY THOUGHTS ON THIS?????

Thanks for listening and caring. Hope everyone has a good week.

Hi all! I had not meant to be away so long, but I could never get a chance to get to post.

Firstly, I hope all the folks who had to deal with nature's wrath made it through ok. I have been catching the tropical storm aftermath fron the hurricanes. I guess the SE has caught up with its rain deficit.

Wallace: You are catching it again from the Tag Team (Relady & Avondale). It seems you have things under control with your GF, but it does not look so from the outside.

Avondale: I bet you and your H figures are off with the alimony. It will be interesting to see what happens at your next meeting. Is the other woman still around?

Me: Exw is trying to maneuver her way into full custody of kid. I will fight like hell to keep things as is besides she is working on kid to get him to side with her. I have been in consultation with my attorney.

Later.

Hi All,

I have been having a hard time getting logged in... is anyone else having this problem, or is it just me?

As far as me calling it quits with my G/F, I wasn't kidding. We actually agreed to stop seeing each other. It didn't last long however. My G/F called me about 5 hours later, and said she didn't want this to happen (not seeing each other ever again).
So we talked about 3 hours over everything in order to make sure she could see my reasoning for not wanting to get "M" at this very moment... as well as me trying to understand her position as well.

I still don't understand her reasoning, and I told her as well. I do think she sees why I am not wanting to get "M" right now, and she says she is willing to accept it (Only time will tell on that one).

She said she wants to see more commitment from me... and in her eyes, getting "M" to her is the ultimate commitment. I told her commitment comes from the heart, not from a piece of paper that says your "M".

After all... I had a piece of paper, she had a piece of paper, we all had a piece of paper... and we all see where that got us for commitment.

We worked through our differences... and we are going to give this another shot. I think we will be just fine, and I will probably "M" her, probably sometime next year, just as long as she doesn't keep pressing the "M" issue.

So we will see what happens.

relady, you've been awfully quiet... I'm ready for you and avondale to give me the business on this one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

avondale...

Luckily for me... I didn't have to go through what your going through as far as negotiations, but my time may be coming up this January.

Seems like you got a major part of it out of the way... my prayers will be with you that you get what you need and are asking for on the alimony.

leah...

Your doing the right thing by communicating your feelings to your "H". Keep doing that, and stay the course with what you have been doing.

10 months without any "SF", is a long time for any man or woman to go without. Something is not right in that area. I would keep my eyes open on that one.

Petvet...

What prompted your exW to go for sole custody of your "S".

Do you think it's a vengance move on her part?

Glad to hear that you got your attorney rolling with you on this... this could get ugly.

It just never seems to end... huh?

I'm not sure if I have things under control with my G/F or not. Just when you think things are going O.K., there not.

At this point... I'm just winging it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hope everyone has a great day today.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

Wallace: All I can say about your GF issue is keep working at it. It is either going to work or it's not.

Me: Ex wants to have joint custody with me. I have no idea what her motives are, but I and others believe she is saying bad things about me to the kid. I believe her move is a premptive strike because she thinks I may get married soon. My attorney said that she will have a hell of a time getting custody. She will probably make her situation worst.

Later.

Later.

Feel like I got lost for a while there.........I know I haven't posted in a while. All is well here I guess. I had a short conversation with my W on the phone this week. It was pretty much business like. Letting her know about car insurance. It was actually a very civil call. I tried to be as nice as possible, and asked how she had been. She did the same, and thanked me for letting her know about the insurance. Shes mailing a check to me. Nothing has been said about DV since last month, but I don't know if that means anything.

I cant remember who asked, but I'm Birmingham. I believe it may have been WGTT

Wesley

<small>[ September 30, 2004, 10:06 PM: Message edited by: VolkWes ]</small>

Hey All,

Hope all is well, especially with those in vicinity of the hurricanes.

My timeshare in the Bahamas was hard hit, so they won't be open for business until sometime in middle 2005. Yikes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Avondale

Sometimes it feels like it will never end. Just remember that "the end of a thing is better than the beginning." As long as you and your H are on talking terms (regardless of the subject) there is always hope. I'm sure you've bought new clothes and perfume for these meetings, right? Make him sweat!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Petvet

Is your XW paying child support? And is it reduced if you have joint custody? Maybe that's her reasoning. I'm sure your son won't believe her lies. He's been with you too long. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Volkwes

Great pictures! Glad to hear that you and your wife are at least on cordial terms. My X and I haven't spoken in over 2 years.

Leah2be

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We had a lot of conversation about it all today. I spoke about feeling like I'm truly reaching my limit, and that some things need to change. There was a lot of anger of his part but there were also some good things that seemed to come from the conversations.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whenever I used to bring up anything to do with feelings and lack of intimacy, my X would hit the roof. I later learned that it was used to get me to stop talking. After awhile, I would just not say anything for fear of upsetting him. Walking on egg shells is a terrible place to be. Be sure to take care of yourself and get plenty of exercise. It definitely helps.

Wallace

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I officially called it off with my G/F today, we are no more. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, right!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">relady...

You can say I told you so... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would never say that!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My G/F called me about 5 hours later, and said she didn't want this to happen (not seeing each other ever again).
So we talked about 3 hours over everything in order to make sure she could see my reasoning for not wanting to get "M" at this very moment... as well as me trying to understand her position as well.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Are you telling me that she saw your reasoning in 3 hours with you telling her the same thing you have been telling her for 2 years??

Doubt it!

Have your rose-colored glasses been cleaned lately, maybe you should have them professionally done instead of you doing it yourself? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

WGTT

I hope all is well with you. Keep us posted.

relady

Petvet - wow you really dropped some news there! For some reason I thought you already had joint custody. What makes her think you're going to be married soon? Have you been holding back from us??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Wes - sometimes no news is good. But I'm glad you posted so we know you're OK.

Relady - sorry about your timeshare. Will this hit you financially any way? I thought about getting something new to wear but was concerned that H would think I'm being frivilous with money, so opted for pairing something together in a new way. He did say he liked my new haircut, though.

Wallace - You big ol' teddy bear! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> What can I say other than I knew it was just a matter of time before you waffled again. You must be related to John Kerry, LOL...

Leah - I'm keeping up with your posts on EN board. I hope things have improved for you. Your H's lack of accountability is way beyond what I could put up with. I guess God gives each of us grace to do what we have to do, right?

WGTT - When was the last time you had any serious discussions with your H?

Me - Meeting with H did not go well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He seems to be stuck on this house buyout/asset division issue where we are using different concepts to arrive at the figure. (And we're getting different figures) I'm not sure if one is wrong, maybe they're both right (?) So that took most of the time and we only discussed alimony for about 10 minutes as we departed. Basically his response was "Well, no way are you getting that". He has appointment with his lawyer next week to show her what we discussed. So I'm still on hold, and can't even move on the mortgage yet.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

<small>[ October 01, 2004, 06:55 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hey All,

Avondale

The storm didn't hurt me financially yet. My timeshare is paid for, the only thing they could possibly do is raise the maintenance fees which are currently $450.00 per year.

How are you and your H arriving at different figures for the house? Is there much difference between your appraisals?

Are you substracting the loan on the house from what it would sell for? That is the equity and then you divide by two.

Money certainly makes the 'ugly' come out in people.

Everyone, Have a great and wonderful weekend.

relady

Relady
H agreed to use the same appraisal (but could change his mind). You have hit the core of the problem, determining when the equity is established. My lawyer is doing it your way. Then separately, the retirement & investments (all are from H) are divided right down the middle too. H can pay me those investments or I can reduce the amount I need to buy his share of house.

His lawyer told him (or the way he understood it to be) was to add appraisal value of house with retirement investments and then divide in half. Each of these halves is our respective total assets. Then subtract half of remaining mortgage and half of home equity line of credit from each of our assets. And that's what I have to pay to buy him out.

Even though we're using the same numbers, his way makes me have to pay more <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I'm not sure why. And I don't know if both ways are correct and it's up to whoever "wins" as to which way it goes, or if he just doesn't understand the "right way" to do it... ideas, anyone????

Avondale

Maybe you could negotiate. Ask him to sign off on the house and in return you'll give him the balance subtracting his investments and retirement when you sell the house.

Would it be a wash?


That way he keeps his assets and you keep the house along with alimony. It will also save you the hassle of refinancing.

Does this make sense?

Just a thought.

relady

Relady <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Thanks for your response. I'm not sure if it would be a wash - and honestly, just thinking about yet another way to work it raises my blood pressure to a dangerous level. I would prefer that we cut our ties cleanly (at least financially) rather than have to interact about assets at some future time. I know y'all understand what I mean. I really am stressed right now and need God's peace!