Sorry for the last post. I attempted to edit it and apparently hit the quote button. I'll get it yet... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi all!

Trusting: Avondale had some very comments about your children going from one place to the other. My kid is going through the same thing.

Avondale: His attorney says fair deal(That's a big laugh!) As long as you can live with the agreement, I support you. Getting that mortgage was a real confidence booster. When I refinanced my house on my own several months ago to settled the D stuff, I felt real good. You will be OK, but it will take time. You are headed in the right direction. Take ownership of yourself again. You can do it!

Wallace: What's up?

Me: There is no custody situation yet, but I know it is coming. I am putting my ducks in a row.

Later.

Hi All,

Just thought I would drop in for a moment.

I finally got all my parts for my computer at home, and I plan on putting them in this weekend and reinstalling all my software. Computers here at woork have been down due to the ISP provider, in fact they just went back up a few moments ago.

Haven't had a chance to really read all the posts... but I will here in a few days.

G/F and I are doing well... wish I could say the same thing about my IRS headache.

I'll be in touch.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hey y'all,

Just thought I'd check in, too. Not a lot going on; I'm having all the utilities changed to my name, and I received the initial divorce papers but some of the wording was wrong so my lawyer has responded with our requested changes. Shouldn't be a problem. At this point, it seems so, I dunno - cold? I don't mean the emotions, I mean just doing the paperwork. I guess I'm starting to be removed from Hubby at yet another level. I know at some levels he will never be removed. Can you guys who are in relationships attest to that? Or am I off-base?

Trusting - Did you have your surgery? Can you read this? Hope things went well! You are much too young to have cataracts! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Relady - Haven't heard from you, hope things are well.

Leah - Enjoy your weekend! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi all!

Avondale: I think what you are experiencing is the relaxation that comes when a lod has been taken off your shoulders. I always remember the stress that I was under to the point of taking medications. You will be OK with time, don't worry.

Wallace: When will your IRS headaches go away? This stuff has been hanging around to long.

Everyone else: I hope all is well.

Me: Living life. Everything is going pretty good.

Help!

No surgery yet Avondale, scheduled for this Friday morning, hence the cry for help.

Sitting at work and receive a call from my former, typically nothing unusual but after hanging up I realized just how unusual it was.

Nothing…she asked for absolutely nothing.

She wanted to know if we had chili last night as she was planning on stopping on the way home to get food for supper. She said that our son had been asking for the last couple of nights for chili and thought she would make some. It’s funny that she asked as our son had already prepared our menu before hand and it originally did not include chili but at the last minute he changed his mind and we ended up with chili mac.

She went on to state that she was planning on bringing supper over Friday evening when she brought the children if I had not already made plans. She just thought it would be easier for me since I was having surgery that morning. Conversation continued on about Thanksgiving Holidays and Christmas and who/how would have what/when on certain days. Nothing was discussed that was not already spelled out in the divorce decree concerning Christmas and Thanksgiving Holidays. She went on to tell me about a wedding she was to attend, the rehearsal dinner, who and where it was.

So…as a foolish man I am left wondering as I sit at my desk.

I received a call from my former asking what we had for supper, discussed what was already known and idle chit-chat for almost 20 minutes and she asked for absolutely nothing.

Trusting - I'll be praying for you Friday! I can't bash the female gender since I'm one of them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and I don't want to get your hopes up in reading more into her motivation for calling. Take it as a nice conversation with a friend, perhaps. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> We'll just have to wait and see.

I have a thread on the D/D board and would appreciate any responses from all of my Tough Love friends from your experience. Here it is:"Divorcing" the In-Laws

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by avondale25:
<strong> Take it as a nice conversation with a friend, perhaps. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> We'll just have to wait and see.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As well it was, and as well how I preceived it. It's just the thought that after almost 2 years of this, this nice conversation with a friend, exactly what I have been striving for and praying for also scares me as it was out of the ordinary.

Yes, that's me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Trusting Him,

That is interesting about your former calling you just to chat. It's hard not to get hopes up isn't it?? It would be nice if it were the beginning of something... even if that something is a more friendly divorced situation. I know you still would love to see that miracle of true togetherness. Me too.

I'm not sure if you read my last post. I wrote you, then tried to edit it with different stuff about children's phone calls. It all ended up as a big quote. Me and my great computer skills. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Anyhow, just wanted to add, I've noticed this past week when their dad was gone, the girls' conversations were very short. It often had to do with timing. If they were in the middle of T.V. or something, they weren't as responsive to him as they were when it was bed time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Maybe, try calling her at bedtime to say goodnight.

Still praying for your surgery. Take care!

Avondale,

I hope you are doing okay. I've been keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I plan to go to your other thread when I'm done writing here. Keep looking up!

Wallace,

I'm glad to know your computer is almost fixed. Also good to hear things with your girl friend are going well. I hope your IRS problems will soon all be resolved. Take care.

TO ALL OTHERS

Hope you're all doing well. Miss hearing from some of you. God Bless!

<small>[ November 16, 2004, 06:16 PM: Message edited by: Leah2be ]</small>

Avondale

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by avondale25:
I can't bash the female gender since I'm one of them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and I don't want to get your hopes up in reading more into her motivation for calling.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And nor would I ever expect you to bash the female gender... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ya'll are definately a bright part of my hope and prayers. Sometimes in ways that you may never know.

I find it quite amazing that in the midst of all of this that you always find the good in things and bring a bright spot to other's lives.

Thank You!


Leah2be

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Leah2be:
If they were in the middle of T.V. or something, they weren't as responsive to him as they were when it was bed time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes...I read your first post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and you second and find them both quite informative. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And after reading you prespective I can see that too. I guess when I tend to be down I see the negative instead of the positive that I should be looking for. I can say that I had them all last night and it was a wonderful evening. I cannot vouch for what they do at Mom's home but I can assure you that we almost always have a wonderful time...regardless of what we do.

And the same goes for you too. The qualities that you and Avondale bring to this thread and to the lives of all of us who read and post here are absoutely wonderful. Somehow you always manage to have a steady head about yourself. Probably stems from your relationship with God as we all know that without us showing His love to others we would all be in pretty bad shape.

Wallace, PetVet

A special thanks to you two guys too. The insight, wisdom and encouragement that you bring and share is always appreciated. It seems that you are always willing to take the time to encourage and lift up others. Keep up the good work!

Everyone else in the Tough Love thread

....kudos to each of you. We all have terrible times that we are either going through are have been through. I want to thank each of you for being here, sharing you life both good and bad and the lessons that you each have learned.

So...Thanks! to all of you.

Hey all,

I hope all is well generally. Finally I believe I am too busy even for me!

Avondale

Congratulations twice! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> First on completing your agreement with your H. I'm sure it feels good to qualify on your own for your home, now all the equity will be yours. Also, on your being cancer free for one year. That is really wonderful. Prayer works.

Leah2be

How is everything going with you? You have certainly been in my prayers. Even though I don't post as often as I'd like, I think about all of you often.

Trusting Him

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I received a call from my former asking what we had for supper, discussed what was already known and idle chit-chat for almost 20 minutes and she asked for absolutely nothing.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Believe me, idle chit-chat is good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> There were times when I wished for it. Those are times when God does His best work.

Wallace

Please don't deny me the girlfriend stories. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Come on, I know there's one!!

Petvet

How is your custody situation? Could she want money from her having custody? Those are expensive battles, aren't they?

Everyone I missed

Have a great and wonderful Holiday.

Me

Everything is going well. I'm in the process of opening an online store as if I don't have enough to do. Yikes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I'm heading back east to Pennsylvania for the Holidays, so I'll need to find winter clothes, yuk!

relady

Hey all!

I got my computer back up and running.

I'm in the middle of battling the IRS, but I will find some time and see if I can't get caught up on all the posts.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Well Yuck
The one thing I didn't want to happen (having to sign papers and do other divorce-related legal work) during the holidays is occuring. I am mad <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . Hubby told me in February he was going to move towards filing for D and then waits until October to start doing so! Now THIS WEEK is when I have to sign the divorce decree. I do not want to think of this every holiday season for the rest of my life.

Question : How often do you who are already divorced think about the "date" of your finalization? If so, do you think of the date you signed the papers or the date it was filed in court? Arrgh! (end of vent)

Wallace - Good to finally hear from you! I think you are past due on telling some G/F stories <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi All,

avondale...

To answer your question... I think about the date I filed for "D. The time of the year which led up to me following through with it all (which is this time of the year, right through the whole holiday season) and I do remember the actual date that it all became final.

In other words yes, I do think about it... and it has been over three years since it all stated up.

I especially dislike this time of year... because this is when everything was really taking off.

Bah! Humbug! you can just call me Scrooge. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It however doesn't have the type of impact it use to have on me. As time goes on... it has just become a memory of what was... so I try not to dwell on it for very long.

G/F and I are going to get "M" sometiime this coming summer. I would give you an exact date, but we are waiting for all this IRS wonderfulness to stop, which is suppose to happen hopefully no later than early next summer.

I could use some prayers concerning this IRS situation... this thing is really becoming ugly.

What's everyone doing for Thankgiving?

Hope everyone is well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Avondale,

I'm so sorry you have to deal with the finalization of everything right now. Although I don't have a divorce date, I do have other very hurtful dates, like our anniversary. Would you believe this happened twice? Talk about dreading an anniversary... Happy Anniversary and by the way I'm in love with someone else. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Also, the first few years after H's birthday were very difficult. He chose that date to take off for Florida to spend his birthday with OW. I was left with three little girls who were devastated that their dad would not be at home to celebrate his birthday with them. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> It was an awful time.

After those occurances, I had to really work hard to have the right thoughts around our anniversary and his birthday. I found I was much happier if I focussed on the positive rather than allowing myself to mentally review the past and torture myself with it. I determined I couldn't keep allowing myself to associate hurtful events of the past with dates that were suppose to be joyous occasions.

Since making a very conscious effort to do so, those dates are much less hurtful. I can't say I never think of the past at those times, but I try hard not to let myself "live" there. I often find myself quoting Philippians 4:8 " Whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure... think about such things." Takes a lot of diligence at times.

Avondale,you have always displayed a courageous, kind spirit. I will pray that God grants you much grace and the ability to forgive all that your ex-H has done. It has to be so difficult...next to impossible without God's help. He will see you through. Take care.

Wallace,

I'm so glad your computer is up and going at last. It sounds as if things have been going really well with your G/F. Wow... a summer wedding!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I pray that your IRS difficulties will soon clear up. I'm sorry things have been so difficult. I'm sure you're very anxious to have all of this resolved. I'll keep praying for you.

Trusting Him

Hope your surgery went well and that you are seeing 20/20 again! Do you have big Thanksgiving plans? I hope you can be with your children over the holidays.

Petvet,

Any news about the child custody situation? I hope things are going well there.

Relady

An online store... you'll have to give us your website address. Wow, you sure do stay busy. I hope your trip to PA. is good.

Thanks so much for your prayers for me. I really do appreciate them. I know that it is only through the Lord that I have the strength to go on. He is faithful, even when I'm not.

To all others on the thread,

Happy Thanksgiving to each of you!! May God bless each of you with a special day as we remember to give thanks in all our different circumstances.

Hi all! I see that my post from last week did not appear.

Avondale: From your H point of view, he is just trying to finish this D stuff before the end of the year. He does not give a damn about your feelings. Yes, it is bad timing, but I can assure you getting a divorce is bad timing regardless of the time of year. Yes, I think about the D date from time to time, but it is only a point of reference. It takes time to get over this stuff.

Wallace: Did I hear the M word? Slow down partner! Relady-Avondale, Help!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Are you going to change your mind when she piss you off again? Please take things slow pal. I want you to be happy.

Leah: As I have said before with Avondale, these WS don't give a damn about our feelings. It's all about them.

Me: Heck Wallace, I can't talk because folks are trying to get me married. Someone last Saturday had the balls to ask us when are we getting engaged. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

There is no custody news. I hope it stays that way.

Later.

Hi All,

Well first of all... I hope everyone has a very nice Thanksgiving tomorrow. This will be my third one without my now "exW" being around during this time.

My first Thanksgiving without her, felt very strange... but they have been getting better each passing year.

My G/F and I are having both of our families (kids), and her mother come together at her house tomorrow... so it should be a great time with all.

avondale...

I have to echo the posts that Leah and Petvet stated as well. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, and it is a lousy time for your "H" to follow through with it all... but as Petvet stated, there really isn't really a good time to go through it.

The hurt, and angst of it all, would be just the same, and it does put a stigma on the holidays because of it.

I was reflecting on past Thangsgivings that my family use to have earlier today. I said a prayer, after I reflected on all the moments, and wished everyone well. That's about as good as it gets from my end... you can't let it consume you. Only through prayer have I been able to get past it all.

Leah...

My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine how a father could do that to his family on his B-day.

You have really put up with quite a bit. I pray that you find the happiness in the near future that you and your children so deserve.

Thank you for your prayers and kind words. I'm glad I got my computer back up and running... it's good to be back.

Petvet...

Yep! I said the "M" word.

I'm still somewhat tenative about it all, but hopefully as time draws closer... I will lose that "once bitten twice shy" feeling, and be able to follow through with it.

"Well when are you two going to get "M"? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> j/k

Glad to hear that there is nothing new on CS front. No news is good news, when it comes to that.

relady, Trusting Him, WGTT, and everyone else that I'm sure I missed...

Hope you are all doing well, and I hope your Holiday is a safe and enjoyable.

"Happy Thanksgiving" everyone!

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace
Did I read that right?
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Wallace said: G/F and I are going to get "M" sometime this coming summer.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I thought you were going to wait for the kids to be out of the house!? Isn’t that a few years down the road? What changed your mind? Let me know the date so I can come witness the big event. I think a trip to Colorado would be nice in the summer <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Relady - Tell us more about your online store. It certainly sounds interesting, and I’d love to visit it. Does it have anything to do with real estate? You certainly have a lot of giftings.

Petvet - So if Wallace’s date is this summer, when is yours? LOL jk jk jk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> But I will be glad to go to ATL and wish you well on your big day, too! And yes, we’re glad the child custody issues have died down, and hope they go away completely. Would getting married help or hurt you in that area?

Leah - What can I say? Once again you have encouraged me - thanks so much! I hope your H is with you today and your family can celebrate Thanksgiving together.

Trusting - Do you have your kids today? I hope you are able to be with friends and/or family of some sort.

Me - Haven’t signed final papers, should be tomorrow or Monday. Yuck. On the upside, I am taking the token amount of lump sum payment from H’s part of house settlement and taking my daughter on a mother/daughter trip somewhere warm in January. Today it's lunch with friends from my church.

Sooooo Should we plan a Tough Love reunion at Wallace's wedding or Petvet's wedding? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

Avondale

No, no children today. I had them last year. I guess just another side effect of divorce. But all was well as a group of us went to a local Mission and helped to serve Thanksgiving Lunch to around 300 or so needy and homeless people. It was a great time.

Afterwards I managed to spend time with my family and sisters. So...all in all ti was a good day.

Surgery went well. Had a follow up appointment Wednesday and after 30 yers I have 20/25 vision in my right eye. Doctor suggected trying not to wear glasses. His theory is that I have a right eye that sees good for distance and a left eye for reading, eventually he says my brain will learn to adapt or focus where when necessary. Who knows!

Everybody else

Pray tht all had a wonderful Trukey Day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Avondale

Some place warm in January... Oh that sounds so nice!! I'm glad you're thinking of those "good" things. Keep it up. You're going to make it just fine. I'm looking forward to hearing good things about your upcoming new year. It's a fresh start- a new beginning.

My husband was home yesterday, at least part of the time. It was not good. I'll write more under "me". Thanks for your good wishes. I hope your Thanksgiving dinner with friends went well.

I love the idea of a "Tough Love" reunion. Count me in! Either wedding will work for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wallace

So what do you think about the above? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Sounds like a nice Thanksgiving! How do your children all get along? How old will your kids be when you get married this summer?

I hope your IRS situation is settling down. Could it be resolved by the new year? It sure would feel good to have that behind you.


Trusting Him

I'm so glad your surgery went well and that your eyesight is so improved. You know what your eye Dr. told you is the same philosophy that my eye Dr. is using with my contacts. The left sees far away, the right up close. Hope it works for you. It probably would be nice to dispense of the glasses. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I'm sorry you weren't with your kids for Thanksgiving. But how nice of you to spend your Thanksgiving in service to others. That's taking a difficult situation and turning it around for good. Thinking of others is something you seem to do very well at. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Could you please read my ending post? I'd love to get your perspective. Thanks.

Petvet, Relady, WGTT, and Others on the Thread

Hope each of you enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving. I appreciate each of you and what you contribute here. Thank you for your help and all those things that you have taught me by your lives and your encouragement. Speaking of help, any thoughts on what follows would be appreciated. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ME

I need to ask if I'm being reasonable in me expectations... A little background first. My husband's mother is now temporarily working for him. He's very close to his mom and allows her entrance into his life where he will not allow me.

As you probably know by now my H has his own business and is extremely busy. He works around the clock and travels extensively. In fact, he just left this morning for yet another trip.

On Wed. I wrote an e-mail to H telling him all the things that I appreciate about him. I thanked him for being a good provider, etc. Later, I tried to talk to H several times. Each time he said he was too busy and he was obviously upset about something.

After making dinner for him, I left to take the girls to a movie as he was still working and unable to come home. By the time I returned he was sound asleep. So, as is typical, we didn't connect at all that day.

That's the setting. Yesterday morning H was up at five AM. I was trying to rest as I had stayed up past midnight preparing the big dinner for family (Both sides came). After showering, he told me he was taking a drive to think. (This is a trigger for me as "thinking" in the past included OW) So I politely asked him if he could think at home. He said no, that was not part of his plans. He then left.

I called on the cell to say this was a trust issue. He said he was sitting in his mom's driveway. I asked if he could please talk with me some, either on the phone or at home. He got angry and said I was trying to control him, then he hung up on me. I called his mom's house and received the same statement again. (So yes, he really was at his mom's)

He came home over two hours later. Things went south from there. He kept insisting I owed him an apology. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Was I unreasonable in being disappointed with the lack of priority given to me? Was I being controlling? This whole thing makes me angry as I just view it as one more outward display of how little he seems to really care about me.

But I'm willing to listen to other perspectives. I sincerely do want to be reasonable and respectful in my relationship with my H. I'm trying to understand what is continuously going wrong between us. ANY THOUGHTS OR IDEAS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. Thanks so much!