hi i have never posted before but find this site to have helped me realize alot about myself especially the giver/taker. i thought i wrote my story when i got my password but cant find it so.. here is a sound bite of my background..17.5 years married age 49 her 47 2 teens 1boy17 1 girl 14 divorced 10/98 she left me 3/98 its been 18 months of hell with roller coaster emotions for both of us. i didnt know all the problems she had or vice/versa. she left me (1 week notice)and said she was going to divorce me. she had talked to a lawyer but didnt tell me thatshe hadnt filed. well needless to say i screwed up 18 MONTHS AGO AND I WAS EXTREMLY HURT ..I THOUGHT WE WERE BOTH AT FAULT ...i turned to the internet for information but only focused on divorce not knowing places like this existed. If only i knew then what i know now..well ...maybe i wouldnt be here..i feel now that the divorce was mostly my fault<BR>being a classic a**hole i retaliated with verbal abuse when confronted with her... nagging comments..i was insensitive to her needs..critical of many things and didnt know how to communicate properly after arguments... needless to say the last 2 yrs. were not happy for either of us..she had too much resentment,hatred and bitterness in her heart that prevented any reconciliation..only frustration and perserverance not to be hurt myself in the divorce was my only concern ...after the divorce i felt relieved and thought about starting over<BR>with something new ...i cant ...i still love her..i love my children...i love my family and only wish that we can be together again.. i started to give in to blocking my emotions by retaliating and being selfish by witholding the money due her for the unisured medical expences for the kids ( she carries the insurance thru school district i pay premiums and 1/2 unins.med.) After the summer vacation with kids, i was alone again and started thinking about dating someone to fill some of my long awaited needs, i resisted the temptation,thought about my ex and decided to call..I called her up and started telling her that all the hatred and bitterness had to stop..that i was eaten up inside for all this hurt and asked forgiveness..we forgave each other we talked somemore about the kids and then on dating..i finally told her i didnt want to date anyone else but her and could we have dinner together..she accepted. We met at a resturant..had a drink..talked about the summer.. ordered some food (didnt eat)..SHE TOLD ME THAT WHILE I HAD THE KIDS SHE ALMOST<BR>HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.. SHE LOST WEIGHT (I NOTICED)SHE is tall and porportioned nicely)i felt bad and happy at the same time..the feeling of love re-entered my heart i told her honestly how shes been missed, that i enjoyed being with her and asked if we could start seeing each other again. She said yes..<BR>I FELT LIKE A TEENAGER AGAIN..this was sept 3rd. since that time we have had no dates one on one ,...but have talked..gone to church 1 or 2 times,been over at the house talking a few hours at a time and few other irrelavant but appreciated activities with the kids ..during these conversations i have been totally honest with her telling what i would like to happen to us...some were very emotional mostly myself and a little on hers..I have changed alot over the past 18 months ,have started to see a therapist only 5 sessions and she had already started going to one in late july or early august.. she said they gave her medication and has worked wonders...During one of our conversations i learned that she had been in e-mail contact with an old boyfriend that 20 years ago she had slept with and had asked her to marry him..she told him then that they were just friends and would always be...before she met and married me ..i knew of their relationship a long time ago and asked her then to sever that freindship and she did..<BR>her college girl friend however didnt ..who.. by the way was also the maid of honor at our wedding and has been a co-worker of my ex for many years they are both teachers and work in the same school.....reconcider...told me i have competetion ..they chat online talking about his divorce and a live together breakup and to top it off she discusses our past and problems with him....she has had one dinner together with him and her girlfreind...he lives about 200 miles away..THIS KNOWLEDGE HAS BROUGHT OUT ALL THE EMOTIONS I THOUGHT I HAD GOTTEN RIDE OF ..ONLY NOW THEY SEEM WORSE.. I DONT BELIEVE MY PROBLEM IS WITH HIM....I won her once and hopefully will again.. What my real problem is that i dont see her enough ...she sees that i have changed some ( i believe i'v changed alot)but her psycologist says that people dont change that fast and recommends her not seeing me at all maybe after a year..<BR>I ask for the time together she wont commit..i asked her tonite does she want me to give up ...she said no...she said she told the doctor she doesnt know why she still wants to see me...ALL I WANT IS A HONEST CHANCE REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME>><P>ANY advice would be appreciated please help me

Hi Flight,<BR>Welcome to MB. It's good to hear that you and your W are getting close again after such a long time apart. Glad to hear also that you are both in counseling. <BR>Does your W seem to be interested in having a relationship with the BF from 20 years ago or do you think that she just needed someone to listen to her when you two divorced? Did you say he was getting a divorce? Maybe she thinks she is "helping a friend" who is going through what she (and you) has already been through. Have you discussed it with her or do you think it would be lovebusting to do so?<BR>I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you; I don't, but I can pray for you and by then, maybe somebody with some GOOD advice will have read your post <BR>Hope all goes well with you both. Sounds like you are at least on the right track.<P>JT<BR>

YOUR....gram...mer...IS..GIVING.me.a...HEADACHE....sorry.