i would like to know. how does one cheat continuously and then decide they want to get divorced? never once did this person stop and give marriage a try. yet now he is living w ow whom he works with.(not even divorced yet)<p>h never gave our marriage a shot but now feels ow is whom he wants to be with and is giving her everything a relationship deserves. but yet he couldn't give that to me?? i don't understand how this is possible.<p>we were together 10 yrs and married for 7 and he feels he wants to be faithful to ow but he couldn't give that much to me nevertheless our marriage.<p>i am just so hurt by the fact that he didn't give us the fair chance we deserved and has moved on with his life with no problem.<p>me i am dealing with it and have spoken to a lawyer.i had hopes that we could of worked it out.i hoped his cheating ways could have changed.it just seems like something about me he cant give that to me but has no problem with giving it elsewhere.<p>how oh how could you not try to work at your marriage just once with playing games.i love this man with all my heart.it just now i am so hurt by how he treated me,turned on me and used me.i have a lot of bitterness in me.i just don't want to see his face or hear his voice b/c it hurts like crazy. (impossible though we have a 6yr old)<p>i just don't see how he could have moved on so easily and without a problem.i can even imagine dating anyone right now nevertheless moving in with someone.a relationship just isn't in my near furture plans.how do men think? <p>tell me someone how could you so willing give someone your all but never once stop to give it to your wife/family? is that at all possible <p>the whole way he has acted and the whole divorce thing has me really down and depressed. i just don't see why it is affecting me so much and he is just walking around flaunting his new "friend"

just needed to bump myself up.is anyone out there besides a good man in texas and lost husband?also thank you to both of you guys as i really appreciate your responses they help me a lot.anyone out there?pls post

LA,<p>I know exactly what you're talking about...all we ask is a chance now that our eyes are opened and we understand (with the help of MB) what we should have been doing better. We just want to be given a CHANCE (NO GUARANTEE, there is not to be given) to make it right.<p>I don't have that answer. That answer has to come from the WS...but all we'll get is "I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you," or "I NEVER loved you," or some other lame excuse for not wanting to try.<p>Personally, I think that the WS think it'll just be easier to forget about the OLD relationship and just continue on in the NEW, "BETTER" one. But I DON'T believe for a minute that there's even a chance that's true. I just think that the WS doesn't want to spend the time or effort to try. They're afraid of what it'll mean about THEM if they come to find out that the choice to engage in an A was wrong (as it absolutely was). They're afraid that it'll mean that they're a bad person, or a bad Christian, or something else....problem is, I don't necessarily think it makes them a bad person (unless of course the A is just part of a pattern of infidelity), just that they were WEAK, and fell into sin. <p>If only we could educate them and make them REALLY hear the absurdity of their words. If we could echo it back to them and ask, "What would YOU do in my situation? What if it'd been ME having the A, would you just walk away and let me go?" Now you and I both know that the REAL answer to that last question is a resounding NO, but the answer we'd get is "ABSOLUTELY, I'd let you go because that's what'd make you happy." What a load of crap!<p>If only we could make them read all the stuff on this site, and to really take it to heart. But they'd just distort it and bend it and FOG it to meet their frame of mind.<p>
In short, you're asking the perfect questions, but I know of no perfect answer.<p>Just know that WE'RE all here for you and WE care what happens to you. I am praying for you!<p>Kev

leftalone,<p>I think your H is just telling OW what she wants to hear - and telling other people (you too) the same. I suspect that he hasn't changed and is not really any more committed to her than he was to you. He'll probably cheat on her too. Maybe that is a disrespectful judgment, but I'm not married to him [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] so I can do that.<p>I know it's painful to think that he's giving her what he wouldn't give you, but it's probably not really true. Time will reveal.<p>-AD

just wanted to bump myself up is anyone out there?