Hi Everyone,
For anyone who does'nt know me my tread is
" Help ! I want to stop my husband from divorcing me ". Anyhow I needed some quick advise and lots of it on this so I decided to start a new tread for quicker response. This is also on my regular tread. Thanks for understanding !<p>Anyhow to pick my boy's up from a school dance (their first), and on the way I stopped off at the graveyard. Husband left me a note on my friend gravestone either last night or tonight. He was drinking because along side of his tombstone was a coor's light beer can (crushed), this is his brand.<p>This is his note ! Please help me to read between the lines so to speak.<p>Debbie,<p>I like how you keep crying to everyone, now your lawyer. (24 - 7) Yea blame us being togeather all the time for our break up ! Try your computer 24 - 7, sometimes I could have burnt that thing up.<p>Don't take the blame for ------- up relationship, when your in public. No, I did'nt give you any attention or love ! That's what you tell the guy's at Choc's and they're all over you. Yea even at the Red Lion, dressed all up, makeup the whole nine yards.<p>Well if your looking for someone else, stop crying how much you want me. I'm getting pissed off hearing all this stuff. If you were here right now I'd bend you over a tombstne & ---- the ---- out of you.<p>Sorry for the language above, but I figured if I did'nt put it all down you would'nt get the full gest of his letter.<p>To begin with the two places he's talking about are the places we use to go togeather. I have not been to either place in almost 2 weeks. In fact I have'nt been anywhere. <p>He states mem are all over me, untrue !<p>I have'nt cried in a month anyhow, in public I mean. <p>Now I've classed myself up a bit, cut my hair, colored, started dressing up and yes make up. None of which I use to do. Now he thinks I'm out looking for someone else.<p>Poor computer, yes I do spend to much time on it, but I did'nt like what he was watching on tv, so I figured so what.<p>Does'nt want me but he gonna have sex with me if I were there !<p>Help me to understand please ! The man files for separation does not want me or love me. Am I doing something right or wrong here. Am I seeing jealousy ? If I want someone else, is he saying he is'nt sure now himself ? Or am I reading all of this wrong ?<p>Help, I really need it now, so I don't screw up any more !<p>Debby
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Well, to my eye this looked more like a threatening letter than anything else. Maybe I wouldn't go to that graveyard alone when he might be there.<p>Maybe I missed it on your other thread, but I understood that the friend who's grave you visit was a man. Is that part of the conflict with your H? Is he jealous of this man who died? I'm sorry if I upset you by asking that, but it came to my mind before and I was reluctant to ask.<p>-AD

-AD,<p>Thanks for your input into this, yes this letter and his moods are so questionable. That's why I figured I'd better put it here so I could get others advise.<p>Yes my friend who died was a man. There was nothing there other than a really good friendship. I use to call him and referred to him as my little brother. He was my best friend. <p>We use to be able to talk about everything and anything. My husband knows this and really respects him for the closeness we had togeather. I have always went there when something was on my mind and needed to talk to someone, just needing to figure something out, my husband started going there him self to talk so to speak. My husband went out on his own and bought the last flowers for his grave.<p>The attorney's still has'nt made contact so I still don't know what to think, especially about this letter.<p>Thanks for your advise !<p>Debby
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Just my thought's,<p>I heard from my attorney today, he says that my husband does not want to reconcile there to much water under the bridge or over the dam, anyhow something like that. So I told him to go ahead and file my answers to my husbands separation agreement.<p>Anyhow yes he does have a temper, he get very load yelling and screaming, ranting and raving but has never touched me or anyone else that I know of, he calls it blowing off steam.<p>I wrote him a note back to also leave there. This is it, should I leave it or go dark. Then what should I do if I run into him somewhere. Leave or say Hi ?<p>It's just like you to take the easy way out. Divorce is easy ! Making it work is hard. You don't have it in you to fight for anything worth having. O.K. you win ! Go for it, if that's what makes you happy. Your last letter was all bull**** though, none of it true !<p>Make a great life ! Cause I know I will now. I know who I am and what I'm about.<p>I'm not crying to nobody. <p>It's your loss not mine ! <p>I tried !<p>Thanks !<p>What do you all think ?<p>Debby
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Talk about venting, I guess that's what I'm doing !<p>He just makes me so made sometimes.<p>Anyhow let me ask something else if you all don't mind. Now I was suppose to be spending time making myself feel better about myself and makeing myself into someone he just could'nt walk away from, right ?<p>Well I am a jeans and t-shirt person, no makeup and straight long hair. I guess the plain Jane tomboy type. He use to always comment about my grey hair, and having a closet full of clothes and not wearing them.<p>So I cut my hair, still long just styled, and colored it. Started dressing up when I go out with friends, smiling and acting at least like I'm having a good time.<p>Now he's accussing me of guys hanging all over me and being interested in finding someone else.<p>I have never had any man hang all over me, and I danced 2 times with a friend he knows.<p>So what's the scoop here why does he bring all this up, I thought it was what he wanted. Or was it he only wanted it if it was with him ?<p>Appreciate anyone helping me understand him.<p>Thanks,<p>Debby
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Hi Debby, <p>My take on this is that you are doing things he wished you did before, when you were together, and now when he is moving on you are trying to please him. He probably feels resentful that you did not do this earlier in your relationship.<p>I hope things get better for you.

I need some quick advise !<p>I have caller ID om my phone. The phone rang twice I answered without checkimg to see who it was, as soon as I said hello they hung up. I then checked the caller ID and it was my husband.<p>Why did he do that ? It's the first time he has called here since he left ! Was he checking to see if I went out. Called to tell me off some more or what ? And then why hang up ?<p>Debby [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Surmay,
Yes, I think that he is checking up on you. Yes, I think that he is jealous of the new look that you have chosen. It could be that he was pulling out the big guns by separating from you, hoping that you would come crawling back in response to this big threat.<p>I don't approve of anyone ranting and raving however. It is not just blowing off steam, it is abusive IMHO. Check out this website. I think that his note was very hostile and disrespectful.

My life has never been a game ! I have tried harder at putting my marriage back togeather than anything I ever worked on in my life. <p>I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with him. He was acting and talking a certain way before, now it all seems to be changing.<p>I have made no contact in over a week, and have not been to any of these places he speaks of in about 2 weeks.<p>So if you will try this one on now, another letter he left at the graveyard, but I did'nt get it until today.<p>Friday, 8:00 pm 11-10-01<p>Well I passed you on Hwy. 90 last night about 7:00 - 7:30, so you were here early. To bad I did'nt catch you here.<p>Well I hear you and Mike S. are an item. Last weekend at Red Lion then at Choc's later that night. Good catch Debbie. He can help you finish your house and he's hung like a horse ! I guess your calling his name more than you ever called mine.<p>What I can't figure out is, is if you have all these guys falling over you then what the hell do you want me for ?<p>Yea, keep telling everyone your dressing up and doing your hair and wearing make-up for me. Yea right, when do you expect to run into me on the south end. I'm not hanging out there or anyplace you know to look for me. You asked me to trust you, yea right.<p>I did'nt see any damage on the Jeep when you went through town on Wednesday afternoon, another lie ?<p>Remember I talked about meeting with a girlfriend and a mutual male friend wanted to join us going to another place. This was that night.<p>What am I suppose to do, say, act ? Is he looking for excuses to stay away, or is he listening to talk again and it's backfiring and getting to him ? What I don't understand ! The Jeep I told him it was just the bumper. Obviously he's seeing me when I'm not seeing him. I asked him to trust me a year ago, before we ever got married. I've never cheated, ever or even gav him any reason to think so. He can go to a females friends house everyday for about a month and I'm suppose to believe she's just a friend. What does he think he can have female friends but I can't have male friends ? <p>Help I really don't understand at all where he is coming from or want's from me !<p>Debby
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Thanks so much for all your input, I do defineatley need all the help I can get.<p>It seems the harder I try the more and more confussing all this gets.<p>I was just wondering, some seem to be weiry of weather or not he'd hurt me. Well I really in my heart of hearts don't think so, but as you say jealousy does weird things to people.<p>It crossed my mind with his last letter of. Now that he thinks I've went out and screwed around on him, will he go screw around on me. I mean out of revenge, I owe it to you, or just plain hurt ?<p>I know I can't controll what he says or does ! Just did'nt know if somehow I should say something in a note to him that it's not true, or let him steam some more. His phone call that he hung up was Saturday night about 7:40 pm his day off, he was more than likely headed out the door to go out somewhere.<p>What's your opions ?<p>Debby<p>
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I hope I did'nt mess up but ! <p>I dropped a note off at the graveyard for him. It simply said <p>I've never lied to you
I've never cheated on you
So I'm very sorry you feel the way you do<p>I really hope I have'nt messed up ! I'd run back out there and get it, but I'm afraid any time between now and 11:00 he might be there. Maybe late tonight I'll run back out there and get it if he had'nt been there.<p>Debby<p>
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go to restorem.org, it will change your life and your marriage. pray everyday. get a journal, and journal your thoughts, it is very relaxing..Please go to your bible and read. II Corinthians 5:7 "walk by faith, not by sight", and I Peter 3:1 "the gentle and quite spirit of a wife is pleasing to the Lord." <p>May God be with you and you with God.

Hi everyone,<p>Thanks for reading my post and of course for your continued support for me and my situation from everyone one of you.<p>This morning I went by the graveyard and here's his newest letter he left. 11-20-01<p>Which one is it, I don't know. I didn't hang up when you did call now did I ?<p>I can't figure you out either, you wouldn't let me spend money ($136.00) to finish the back of the house in the right color. But you spend $250.00 to have multicolor siding and aluminum material over rotten wood. Yeah Steve.<p>You didn't even feel me last night. I stood on your front porch and wanted to knock on the window but didn't. Yeah 8:00 pm I was there.<p>Then my phone rang around 10:00 pm three times and no one wanted to talk to me. And when I did *69 I couldn't get the call back, so I put the block on my phone *82. So now you can't even call me. It won't except a call from a blocked number. <p>But yeah, you Haven't answered anything yet. But you want me to trust you. How can I ?<p>Don't answer this, this week because I won't get it, next week if you want to. <p>--------------
Now I'm really at a loss ! Is this really starting to work ? Or now that he says don't answer now, because I'm responding to quickly ?<p>Steve is the guy I had put my sising up, evidently he has spoken to him also.<p>He was actually at my house, and I guess I was suppose to feel his presents.<p>I did'nt call his house, and I do have a private number so it won't show up. But I guess he does'nt know I can unblock it for a call if I choose.<p>He's still on the trust thing. I don't know what he wants me to tell him. I've already said I have'nt lied and I have'nt cheated.<p>Help again please, I could really use the input here. I've been able to come this far by the grace of god and all of your help, I don't want to lose it now.<p>I did leave a note, it simply said. Another hoilday gone by ! Happy Thanksgiving !<p>I'd love to hear any and all suggestions about this whole thing.<p>Debby