Hello,<p>I am seperating from my wife shortly after 10 months of trying to fix the problems of an A mixed in with depression. She is no longer in contact with OM and says that it was a mistake for it to happen. My question is that I have a chance to keep the house but I'm afraid of the ghosts that this house may have. Has anybody gone through this and found that the ghosts have gone away? Right now, I believe I will see her in every room. Please help me.

I don't have any real advice but I'm going through the same thing regarding my house. My STBXH and I agreed that I would keep the house ( and all the debt) but I'm seriously considering moving anyway due to those "ghosts" you mention.<p>I think a fresh start would be nice but I hate to uproot my kids from school, change churches, etc. My H has been gone 9 months now and it really hasn't gotten much easier. I can't replace the house and land with anything as nice. I have 2905 sq feet and 4 acres and only owe $110,000. It is just alot to take care of with 2 kids and a full time job, 2 dogs, 2 turtles and a very demanding cat. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I may just do some redecorating. For example, my H's den which I wallpapered the non-cedar with a "fishing lure" theme paper. He had several mounted largemouth bass and crappie which gave me a nice theme to work around. I am thinking of making that room a play room for the kids now to "cleanse his spirit" from the room. He left all but 2 of the mounts so I've got to pack them up and send them with him. Maybe the OW will enjoy having 10 fish on her walls [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Good luck in whatever you do. I wish you the best.<p>PP

I don't know where I heard it, but it makes sense to me: If you're going through a traumatic time, you might want to consider staying where you are for 6 months or so. That way you can deal with your issues without the distractions of a move and all the incessant business that goes with it.<p>I would recommend doing something a little less drastic than moving - redecorate with a masculine theme, or just clear out anything that repeatedly reminds you of her.<p>I've been the one in our house during a 6-month separation, and we're about to divorce. I've been painting and re-decorating since she left, and I really feel at home there, even though we lived there together for 6 years. It's a different house with new coats of paint, new rugs, and only a few if any of the knick-knacks that belonged to her or were given to the both of us.<p>Give it a few months. Take the time to heal. Occupy yourself with making the house the way YOU like it. Because redecorating is something you can do at your leisure, it's satisfying, and gives you time to think. Moving is something that works on a timetable, it's a hassle that requires your undivided attention, and it's more expensive.<p>Hope this helps,<p>Stable Guy